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Unread 11-28-2010, 04:23 PM   #1
Chipper
Junior Member
 
Posts: 13
Unhappy Feelin' Low and Cheap

Hi all,
I just got off the phone with my sponsor who has been with me the past 2 years and to whom I have lied to many times about my use/abuse of methadone. He has stuck by me even when I feel he wants to pull his hair out. Anyway, I just told him I started taking suboxone this past Monday because I was abusing the methadone again (I take it for chronic pain...and to get high) after weeks of lying and telling him I was doing OK with it.
He shared with me how he really felt . I listened, thinking this time he was going to throw me away. He didn't. We will continue, for now.
I have 6 days clean on sub. I am grateful for that. I still feel like a piece of crap emotionally for the lies and deception with my friend.
When I was 15 years clean and sober if someone had told me that in a few years I would be one of those poor souls who just can't seem to get it I would have laughed. I am not laughing. This is not fun. Chronic pain or not, (yes, I have looked into and tried many, many alternative pain mgmt. methods) I must live clean. I hate the person I have become. I still go to meetings and am still involved in helping others and still not really clean. Until now. Today I am clean.
Thanks for letting me get all that out. God , I need my sponsor and all of you who are on this path.
Sincerely,
Chip
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