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Unread 03-17-2015, 10:52 AM   #5
Complex
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And another thing......

Fear!

Yes, it's at the heart of most of my dysfunctional behaviours.

Fear about what might happen, about the uncontrollable and unknowable future, which by my daily poor, or misguided behaviours I inevitably cause to be gloomy.

However if I live in the moment, and don't keep worrying about the future, the future takes care of itself.

Example: I have holidays coming up in two months' time, and I kept worrying about what I will do, where I will go, will I have enough money, will I drink, gamble etc?

So to cope with the worry, I'd drink, smoke, gamble, and therefore when holiday time comes, have no money for a holiday.

The last few days I've changed my thinking and decided to not worry about my holidays, to deal with them when I get there, and suddenly I can see that by holiday time I will have plenty of money to go on holiday.

If I wish. Probably just staying home, doing some local things, sticking close to recovery, and just enjoying the moment will be just as much fun as a geographic holiday, because a geographic holiday is likely to see me alone, bored, lonely, feeling sorry for myself, and then acting out.

A holiday at home can be full of recovery, plus small trips over a few days to visit loved ones, and I can simply alter my perception of holiday to one where I take a holiday from the old me.

That is feeling a lot safer and healthier, but it's two months away so for now is of no concern.
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