Thread: Hello everyone
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Unread 08-27-2012, 11:20 AM   #32
Senior Member
Posts: 3,249

Thank you Carly and all and i hope you are all well. Really strugglong here. I can't remember a time where i have felt so in the grip of this disease. I believe i have an answer. I feel i have no ability to deal with anxiety and stress. Believe it or not i am going to Holland on Wednesday for 10 days. It is to earn money and i have been fretting about it for 2 months. My drinking has got worse and worse to the point that if i am not constantly under the influence i would simply collapse into a heap. It is the only thing keeping me upright. I can report that this is no fun whatsoever. In order to do what i have to do in Holland i will have to be "topped up", i really don't think i can pull it off. I can not find the words to explain why it is the case, but i am in a constant state of terror. I am so frightened of everything and i don't know why. It is as if i have "run out" of who i am and there is nothing left. I have outlived myself. Hay hoe.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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