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Unread 09-01-2009, 09:05 AM   #5
Saint
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Carly,

Thank you for replying, but most importantly for taking the time to do so.

I do need to correct you on one thing. As much as I would like to take credit for being sober for 18 months I can't. Not yet anyways!

Fortunately for me I have not had any physical issues with withdrawal. There is the mental aspect though. There is a large void that needs to be filled, the void that was filled by alcohol consumption. I mentioned I was a functioning alcoholic. By that I mean I was capable of doing the things I wanted to do, doing them well and still making the time to get drunk, Every night. Granted,I suffered physically, with exhaustion at times,but that is what denial is all about.

I was in my early twenties when I started abusing alcohol, it's been so long I'm not sure what the trigger actually was. Thinking about it now alcohol was a refuge from social anxieties and lack of confidence in myself. As I got older alcohol became a good friend, was always there for me, became routine. Still later it became a love/hate relationship. I would love the high or the buzz but started to realize my addiction was costing me time, time that can never be made up.
I have one daughter, she is ten and the joy of my life.

I agree with you. I also think that at some point we drink and continue to drink because that is what we know, how we have programmed ourselves, how we see ourselves. It has been said it takes 27 days to create a new habit. I intend to make sobriety my new habit. But it isn't easy. Mostly it's the little things. I used to get drunk and mow the lawn and it always got done. Now my lawn needs to be mowed. Hell it now looks like an alcoholic lives here . I realize life without alcohol is about adjustments so I am being patient with myself.

Carly I managed to stay sober for six months on my own, failed, struggled to quit again, and have now been sober for over a month. This is my next step in recovery.

Regards
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