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Unread 03-14-2017, 05:38 PM   #177
Senior Member
Posts: 371


So it's a bit of a tough period really. I've been struggling with my emotions a lot and I'm being a scatterbrain which is a disaster for my busy schedule. This morning I completely overslept and I had to tell a white lie at work. I said the chain came off my bike, so for sure that will really happen soon! Sod's law!
I know it's up to me to pull myself out of this darkness. But I am finding it hard to change my mindset.
I feel like I was doing just fine in the new year then the letters have shaken me up.
I am troubled because what transpires from the letters he has written to me is that he is in total denial.
He says that the police tricked him into signing a confession and he was charged with assaulting a police officer. That's what he's in prison for and it explains why I never had to go to court.
So I don't even know what the truth is. I suspect it's true. The police may have done that because they knew he'd get off, had it been just a domestic violence charge.
So that's crap.

He wrote asking me to help him get out under house arrest. This has really upset me.
How could I? How could he ask me that? He is in denial. I doubt he even remembers much about anything.
I wrote in my reply to him that he isn't the victim. He's responsible for his actions and must deal with the consequences now. He should ask his parents to help him. I said I forgive him because I know he is ill but I can't save him. Only he can.

I posted my reply before this latest letter arrived. He begs me to go and see him. He says he'll die if he stays in prison.

So it's just all-consuming and haunting me.

Now I will go and have a piping hot shower in an attempt to wash away my bad thoughts and feelings.

I feel like I'm verging on a breakdown. I don't know how to make myself break out of this rut.

I'm sorry to be so down.
Thanks for the sounding board.

Good night and sweet dreams
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