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Unread 10-19-2015, 02:40 PM   #3
Junior Member
Posts: 2

Thanks so much Jen. You have no idea how much just hearing others are going through this or went through this means to me. I harbor so much guilt for being a single mom and not being able to give him the Beaver Cleaver kind of a family life that his friends at the time had. He knows how to push those buttons. He's an only child and for many years was the only nephew, son, grandchild etc. and needless to say he was spoiled rotten. I struggled with setting boundaries for him then with so many grandparents etc. it was like spitting into the wind. The grandmother he lives with had an alcoholic boyfriend who only just recently died and my son though of him as a grandfather, idol etc. He also lived with an uncle who up until a year or so ago was a raging alcoholic as well. Suddenly it's my fault and I should do something about it! I moved to NJ when I got remarried about 8 years ago and my son had a choice then to move with me or not. He chose not but I have gone out of my way to try and spend as much time with him as possible as I still work in CT a few days a week. We have tried to take him on family vacations thinking that it would be a good family experience and he would get drunk and sneak out of the hotel room during the night etc. He ruined an expensive trip to Disney once doing this and we swore we'd never take him again. Sometimes I find myself wanting to cave hoping maybe if I keep doing things with him and spending time with him, he'll realize the errors of his ways but it just seems to get worse. 2 steps forward, 10 steps back as they say. This past weekend, my sister had a Halloween party for her middle school aged daughter and my son promised he wouldn't be drunk as he was supposed to help her. Not only did he come preloaded, he was drunk, making lewd comments to 13 year old girls and acting like an ass. My sister was mortified, she screamed at him and so angry that he lied to her and disrespected her like that. We're at our ropes end with him. His last outburst at me was 2 weeks ago and I haven't spoken to him since. He appreciates nothing, expects everything and doesn't see that he has a problem. When we try to tell him he needs help, I'm just a "bitch".
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