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Unread 04-16-2009, 06:33 PM   #9
CarlyO
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Hi 1418,

I was wondering how you are doing. I imagine you are having conflicting feelings, saddness that the marriage is over, relief that there is an end in sight, it is bittersweet at best.
I keep going back to the fact that you have done everything in your power to help the situation and he has not even tried to get help.
I went back and found this post by Mer, someone who was married, with a child, her husband at the time was in complete denial and when confronted with his drinking took Zero interest in getting help, not to save the marriage, not for the sake of their child. Anyway, I wanted to share this, it is ot the exact same situation but similar, she like many here do make it through.

I hope it helps and that you are doing well. As always, please take care of yourself, all the best - Carly : )



Mer's Post ......

As a person who has been there . . . let me just start by saying your MIL is not his wife. She has no idea what you are dealing with and have been dealing with despite even what you may have shared with her- no one really does that has not been in your shoes. In my dealings with my now ex husband, I had some of those same sorts of experiences with family members- of his and my own even. It is tough. You in the end though must be true to yourself. As far as a time line, you may be ready to begin creating one. For yourself. How much more are you willing to take? I am not in your situation, but can tell you what I did in mine.

I had reached my wits end (to say the least) but also did not want to end things without giving opportunity for him to get help. I made a plan- with the help of some professional input- and people like you will encounter on this web site. The plan included a time line. Part of the reason for that was that talking had not gotten me anywhere for years before without a difinitive plan for action. It was the first time that he took me seriously in many ways. Doing this also was healthy for me because I knew that one way or another there was an end in sight- either by him getting help or me choosing that my time as his enabler was over.
I'm not saying it was easy, but I gave him a time line with a list of resources. In the end he was not on board. That does not mean that will be the same result for you. It could have gone the other way.
I want to reemphasize that this is in no way your fault- you need to consider your own limitations and at some point we have to draw a line in the sand.
I wish you all the very best. My heart truly goes out to you as I know the limbo that you feel right now. I never thought that I could be ok on the other side, and I am not saying every step has been easy (at times I worked three jobs and slept little- but the peace was worth it all)! Today , my life is better than I could ever have imagined.
As for me I thank God that I did not sacrifice myself and my child to alcohol and drugs every day!
My thoughts and prayers are with you . . . be strong . . . continue to seek out support . . .
Mer
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