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Unread 05-04-2016, 10:07 AM   #6
Tryntryagain
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Posts: 3,249
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Good afternoon Ladyloss. Bright blessings to you.

I am an alcoholic, a chap from dear ole Blighty and you, R Lee and Sam have completely broken my heart.

I had a wife back in the day. If you could imagine the "idyllic" English "by the Sea Cottage", well the sea was a mile away, the cliffs a 15 minute walk, and i worked just a walk away to, in a very male dominated environment. Before i met my wife, (my probation officer) i had already been addicted to other substances, drugs, and had migrated to my drug of choice alcohol.

It was i suppose, as my wife was 2 weeks away from being exactly 10 years older than me, a sorta....."my love will change him" kinda thing. She could see i was an alcoholic, yet believed all i needed was security, safety and love......then i would not need alcohol.

Right?

I can not describe the amount of love that beautiful human being gave me. She loved me so purely, so honestly. I gave her laughs, grief, worry, anxiety and the more she gave me, the more i took. All i wanted was the good life with alcohol. I loved alcohol, far more than i loved her. The more she loved, the more i drank.

Of course, i knew none of this.

Hindsight is often said to be a "wonderful thing"......not to a thankfully now, a day at a time, a sober fellow. It's quite horrendous.

I was charming, a smooth talker. When i had been drinking. We never found out what it was like between us without alcohol. A quiet, highly professional woman, who would maybe have a glass of wine at dinner partys or at events, was now drinking a bottle of wine a night.

If she had not divorced me soon after we married, (we had been dating for a couple of years but had to keep it secret because i was her client), soon was 13 months, i do believe i would have destroyed her. Well, i will not take all that blame.....me and alcohol would have done.

She left me the instance we had a baby. Harry. When i turned up drunk at the birth, i never saw her or Harry again. I knew where they had gone, my wifes Mother, and knew that in terms of completely safety and security, her Mother very wealthy, that they would both always be safe.

That was ooo...nearly 30 years ago. I am soooo glad, they chose to go on their way.

I miss and think of them everyday, yet i accept my alcoholism would have destroyed everything they would have ever wanted or needed.

Ladyloss, i know that's a rather depressing story, yet it is a true one. Real life, and what alcohol can do. For those around, those that love the alcoholic, the person will do their utmost to communicate that alcohol is a huge barrier to moving on together. It HAS to be addressed in some form.

Sure you're love for him is plain to see. I have not the slightest doubt he loves you too. Yet love so close always needs ones undivided attention. It's teamwork. Alcohol for those that can not stop, is nothing other than very, very dangerous. In every way imaginable.

This is so important to you. You have found this place, this sanctuary where others really do understand. Yet we have a duty of care to you.

Here you come first.

Al anon is a marvelous idea.

I can't help wondering if there might be a chance of asking your chap to maybe have a look at our alcohol forum just for a read? I totally understand if that is not possible.

1 day at a time means different things to different people. The one thing it does mean to all is that what ever it is we are trying to achieve, if we do not worry about tomorrow, don't fret over yesterday, yet stay in the day, then we/i certainly find it easier to stay sober. I will engage and enjoy my day tomorrow when it comes along.

If something happens whilst he is choosing to be loaded, there will be, and nothing you can or could have done. On the alcohol forum we support each other in accepting that we have a choice to drink or not.

You're love is so strong that there are ways for you, and him to get the support you need. You are both most certainly worth it.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Ladyloss
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