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Unread 05-19-2017, 03:14 PM   #381
soapdish
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Oh yes LD I can be very stupid and reckless if I'm not careful, and yes the arrival of the weekend is always good!
So as you know, I work 10 hours on Saturday but they are all good lessons so I don't mind, then Sunday is vegetation day.
However, this Sunday I am going for a picnic with some old friends. I haven't seen some of them for 4 years or longer. I normally always say no to these kind of social events, and especially reunions, but I've decided to go because I need to get out of myself and practise social situations and cultivate friendships again. Actually I feel really fine about it, which is a first. I've stopped any mental masturbation and I'm looking forward to seeing everyone and facing up to the challenge of being around lots of couples with their kids or pregnancies. I guess it's this new found strength and knowing it's no big deal if I fail at being sociable. If I don't go I've failed. I will at least try and go and enjoy myself. If I feel too weird or awkward with them all playing happy families, then I will just come home. I won't be hard on myself. I'm being much much nicer to myself and that really helps to keep a positive outlook.

I'm still trying to find counselling but it is so hard to find someone! So I have just been reading a lot. I reckon I'll have to go into the city, which is a pain in the arse, but I am at the point where I don't know what to do because I feel ok in general, maintaining a positive outlook like I say, but I know something isn't right and people have started asking me if i'm ok because of my appearance. I can't remember anything about anything that happened longer than a week ago, only my early childhood. I'm a little bit scared about this new memory block that has started, so I'm feeling a sense of urgency to speak to someone.

Nice things that happened today, on the other hand, are:
1. There is gentle spring storm passing overhead, clearing the air and making me feel alive. Sun, rolling thunder, rain, clouds, rainbow all at once!
2. We made craft tacos from homemade paper today! They were AMAZING. They looked sooooo real. We sang a very funny song about them and the kids were so happy to come to class today. That makes me very happy.
3. I finished at 8pm and now I have the whole evening to chill and read NG magazine and learn something new about our sublime world.

Good evening to you all
....and hugs and kisses because I'm not so formal as to ever actually say 'good evening to you all' (unless I said it in a silly voice).

xxxxxxxxoooooooooo
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