Thread: Hello everyone
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Unread 08-17-2012, 10:17 AM   #22
Senior Member
Posts: 3,249

Thank you R Lee. Day 3, and what's going on here? This is going to make no sense at all, but out of the clear blue sky, i feel, well....positive?? I have no idea what happened during my curiously vivid dreams last night, but i "returned" to this world this morning and physically i felt yukky, but i have this sense of purpose. I have a piano and various intruments that i have not touched for yonks, this morning i played them all, just for a short time. I read some articles around my addiction, and i got out all my work that i have undertaken over the last 6 years. (I have worked in the field of addiction for several years), and although it felt "alien to me", what i have achieved, deep down i know it WAS ME. I do however have a very real problem. Whether or not it is simply my perception or whether it has foundation, without giving too much away, it would be extremely difficult to access support in the part of the Country i am in simply because i am well known for precisely the opposite that is the case now. To "come clean" and access what i need, would set back what i have represented, what i have said and done, quite frankly alot of the services that exist have my finger prints all over them. I was to be the keynote speaker at an upcoming Conference since citing "political reasons" for not doing so, (funding and payment by results). I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I am also aware that i am extremely ill, and physical symptoms not good at all. I am aware therefore that unless i take this in hand, right now, my physical prognosis is not good, never mind anything else.

It is why i have been "doing it on my own" if you like. I feel i have no choice but to. However, i do have a great deal of experience in that i KNOW exactly what to do, it's just i feel my circumstances do not allow me to do it as i would like and how i know it works. I'm relying on the fact that i have "learnt enough" to do it myself.

I will not move, as i have run away many times before in my life, it never, ever works.

So i'm "stuck", but dry. Any advice?

Thank you all once again for being here at this time.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to all.
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