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Unread 04-08-2017, 02:55 PM   #1
Junior Member
Posts: 4
Default BF Relasped after 2 years clean

Hi all,

Looking for some help, advice, blunt comments and hope.

Here's our story:
My bf and I have been together for several years. We live together and do everything together. We dated in high school and then reconnected 10 years later and fell madly in love all over again. We tell each other everything, so i knew that while we were apart for those 10 years, he was addicted to herion. He went to rehab about 8 times, he has been homeless, he has hit rock bottom more than once. He has told me all the scary, scary parts of what his life was like while he was using.

When we got back together, he had been 2-3 years clean. For the time that we have been dating, everything has been amazing. He is the kindest, most gentle human. He loves me with everything he's got. We have that type of relationship that make people gag from how much we love each other.

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago. Out of nowhere, or what seemed like it, he relapsed. I was away for the weekend and from what we can piece together, the stress of life, finances, school and work just exploded into him calling an old dealer friend and buying $300 worth of heroin. He used extremely heavily and broke through whatever blocker his subx was providing him (which he has been on since hes been clean). When i got home, it took him 3 days to work up the courage to tell me what he had done. He was crying and was so ashamed, it hurt my heart. He begged me to stay with him and promised he would do anything to keep me. A few days later, he began detoxing. He did it alone, at home. It was devastating to watch. I had to hold his arms down so that he wouldnt punch himself in the face, trying to knock himself out so he didnt feel the pain any longer. I found out that he had sold one of my designer purses. He had asked our roommates for money. I kept finding baggies and needles hidden away in his stuff and in our bathroom. every discovery, although i knew he was getting clean, broke my heart piece by piece.

But he got through it. It's been a couple weeks now and he is starting his sophomore year at college. He is working, paying bills and we have started seeing a psychologist together who specializes in addiction. I feel like we are getting back on track. But I don't trust him. I am constantly looking through his belongings, wondering who he is texting etc. This kills me because I hate violating peoples privacy.

Even with him moving in the right direction, I feel like I am living a lie. I cant tell my family, friends or his family because I dont want anyone to hate him. He messed up, completely, but I know my loved ones won't understand. My roommates (and close friends) found out since we all live together, and now they don't want him living here. Even though they do coke a few times a month. I understand their concern but I know my bf, i know the wonderful man he is. they turned their back on him so i know i cant tell other people. I am so lost. I love him and want to be with him forever. I know i cant expect other people to want to go through this with us. But i am afraid of losing everything.
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