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Unread 10-19-2015, 02:58 PM   #2
jenm
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Posts: 976
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Hi maureenc!

First of all, welcome. And no worries about the long post, I've seen (and done) way longer. No biggie. You're safe here, it's all good. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. Al-anon is a wonderful idea. I recommend finding a meeting near you as soon as possible.

I can only speak as a recovering alcoholic. By the grace of God, I'm sober today. I have been 'your son' so to speak though. When I was active in drinking, I would physically/emotionally/mentally abuse anyone that got in the way of my drinking. My own mom and dad included.

The first thing you must do is take care of you. Al-anon or whatever you need. You cannot get your son sober - he must come to the end of himself (however that may be) and want to get help on his own. Although I do not deal with alcoholic children (praise God), I have a teenager who does not attend school and who I have let get away with too much. As a single mom, I have experienced the 'guilt' of raising him by myself with his brothers, my past experiences and choices with drinking, the divorce, his absent father, the list goes on. As much as I love him, I have to set boundaries today. Boundaries out of love. I absolutely agree with you in not letting him live with you.

I have written about this in other threads, but today my heart breaks and I am praying for my own brother. He had cirrhosis of the liver and nearly died as a result of his alcoholism. Long story short, he received a life saving liver transplant and was given a new chance at life. One year after transplant, he started drinking again and has been doing so ever since. He got a drunk driving after hitting and ruining a parked car. That was a year or more ago. Now he is out and going to bars and drinking and driving again. I love him, but I have to set boundaries with him too. I cannot get him sober.

I'm sorry that I don't have that much advice to give, but please know we are here to listen, anytime. When we enable someone in active addiction, it almost seems as though we are encouraging him or her in the disease. It makes it even harder as a parent - we take on the responsibility like it is our fault. When it fact it is not. I pray for my brother, I pray the Lord will bring him to the end of himself - even if that means another drunk driving charge. I pray it isn't something worse than that, but again it is something over which I have no control. Please write as much as you need to, and I'm sure others will be along with good advice or suggestions as well. In the meantime, get to an al-anon meeting! These people have been where you are right now and experienced it first hand. It is such a good feeling knowing that we are not alone. Take care! Jenm
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