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Unread 10-05-2013, 10:39 AM   #2
Senior Member
Posts: 976

Hi Rix -

This sounds all TOO familiar. In fact, when I was reading about your story, my mental image was that of my own brother. He would come home from work, his professional accounting job, and drink for two hours and then go back to work. I remember one day my mom called me in a panic, he was home, at lunch, and very drunk. I went over there at that time to "help" with my little baby boy. It was really hot that day, I'll never forget I just had the baby in his diaper and he was screaming and crying. My brother was drunk and angry, insisting that he was "fine" to go back to work, and we tried to stop him. Finally I think he walked off without his car and I don't remember if he ever made it back to work. This is one of many "rescues" I participated in over the years. As it turned out, his drinking did end up causing him his job. I think he thought (like we all do) that no one at his work knew. Well, they did. They offered to support him if he went to treatment. He chose to go in and quit instead - but he cleaned out his office/desk in the evening when no one was there and never went back. My mom drove him to the office to go do this.

His "bottom" wasn't a legal mess, or in detox. His liver started to fail, and it was only noticed by the symptom that his eyes were yellow and jaundiced one day. It was in the month prior to that he had indicated a desire to stop, and even attended a couple of meetings with me. It was too late though for his body. That yellowing of the eyes began a very very long, painful series of hospitalizations, bloated body, life threatening infections, and emergency surgery. The emergency surgery, when he was sped by ambulance to a different hospital, was the worst. The surgeons said that he had a 20% chance of making it through that surgery. He did, and kept fighting. He was given the chance of a new life with a new liver a couple of years ago. Then, last December, he started drinking alcohol again. I angrily and tearfully confronted him. It took a drunk driving arrest in January, and accident hitting a parked car and totaling his car, to get him to realize his bottom. And I'm not even sure that he did, really. After all that. However, I now know that I need to love the sinner, not the sin. I didn't talk to him for several months - separating myself from the co-dependecy because I wanted to save my own sobriety and sanity. As of now, he is not drinking (I don't think). He has just moved out of my mom's house and into his own apartment. He has lived with my mom for the past 3 years or so. He has a wonderful girlfriend and she is a huge positive impact in his life. My prayer is that he continues to move in a positive direction. The other day I went to see his new apartment and it is very nice. I asked him about looking for work and he seems right now to be fine paying for things with his disability. My response was, "But you aren't disabled anymore." And he said that he has to take medicine for the rest of his life with his new liver - not everyone has to do that. Then, I didn't say it, but I was thinking, "Well, you yourself caused this to happen with your drinking, so quit the entitlement act and find a job." I didn't say this, but I admit I was thinking it. Then I needed to realize, after some thinking, that I am no better than him and who am I to judge? This could have just as easily been me. This is way easier said than done, believe me! I have worked very hard in the past few months to try to get away from my judgmental thinking and to love the sin, not the sinner!

Anyway, thanks for listening to my long ramble! Your post just brought up a very clear memory of MY brother passed out. This all started happening within a year of my dad's death. I have, and am working on, a big resentment because my brother did not attend my father's funeral because he was hospitalized as a direct result of his drinking. My mom was my dad's full-time caretaker through his sickness and then hospice and then he died, only to turn around and be my adult brother's full-time caretaker as he drank his liver away. I admit that I felt ignored, my 3 boys and I were on the edge as the very main focus was my brother's sickness and multiple hospitalizations. But that is what "I" need to work on, that is my stuff!

Wow - that was powerful for me this morning. A good reminder to ask myself if I am in the mindframe of judgment again. I am reading a book right now called "The Prodigal God" by Tim Kellar. Super good read and a very good reminder for me. Take care, I am praying for you RIX, and thanks for listening! Jenm
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