Thread: Step 5
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Unread 12-30-2009, 02:17 PM   #2
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I have always been capable of endless procrastination, especially when it came to the action steps of the program. One of my character defects that came into play was perfection, which I used an excuse to delay working these steps until I could "get it right." Being a "goals oriented" person, I dilly-dallied along, with the notion that I would do the steps once, correctly, and be done with them. It took a lot of change for me to get past that.

I got a little push during my last rehab, which was very AA-oriented. We were expected to get through the first five steps before discharge and, looking back, I'm grateful. I did my first Fifth Step with the chaplain, who as it turned out was also recovering. After finally putting pen to paper and doing a Fourth Step, I was certainly not eager to talk about all that crap with someone else.....but I did it. As we talked, this person told me about some of his own shortcomings, which helped me to realize that I was in no way unique. He also told me to consider these events to be part of the past that had been dealt with, and that I need not concern myself with them again. He explained that many members repeat the process with new events, or stuff that had been forgotten the first time around. Somehow, I felt a whole lot better about myself after doing this.

Today, I can say that what really helped me get through this, was setting all my beliefs and concerns about these two steps (4 & 5) aside and moving forward. Some of the group I was in had an easier time, but it was folks like myself who had the most trouble. I was convinced that, if I just studied enough, researched enough, etc. that I could find whatever it was that I was lacking, and be "cured". All my life, I had always worked towards some goal: in school, Scouts, etc. Confronted with my addictions, though, I had a problem that, no matter how much I learned, or how hard I worked, I could not overcome. The more I tried to do the steps "my way", the more frustrated I became. Once I finally gave up on "my way" and tried doing things the way the way the program teaches, I made some progress.
Tom S.
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