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Unread 10-01-2010, 09:55 AM   #1
MaJaBe
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Default Starting Step 4 - Scared

Hey all. Any advice for me when I start step four? I've read the step in the Green & Gold, and downloaded the help sheet for step 4 from na.org. I'm just really nervous. I know I'm not the only one who's done horrible things in their active addiction.
Most of my fear comes from this:
When I start writing down the things I've done, I am pretty sure I will then remember MORE things, things that I've forgotten about or blocked. (I'm a SUPER blocker, lol)
I fear the depression that may come with looking at these things in black and white. I know that it's a step toward forgiving myself, and that it's necessary. Logically, it makes sense, but who said I'm logical? lol
I know the things that I've done that I'm ashamed of. I already have a huge amount of shame and guilt, and I know that this process will help with that. I'm just afraid of the additional shame and guilt that will come with remembering more as I write down the things I do remember. I've blocked all that stuff for so long, even in my recovery. I'm not looking forward to the flood.
Any experience, strength and hope would be appreciated.
Thanks!
Jackie
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