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Unread 12-16-2014, 07:00 PM   #2
Tryntryagain
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Posts: 3,249
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Good evening Brian. I know you don't feel it, but bright blessings to you.

Welcome to this wonderful family of folk from around the world, (i live in Blighty), all of us know exactly where you are.

Firstly you have found us all, you need never feel alone again. You can open up, be honest with yourself, here you will find no one will judge you, why?....because we know where you are. Do not feel alone.

Nearly 2 years ago Tryn was drunk in charge of his car. One of his best friends was in my car. I lost control, hit a pavement curb, my little car took off, spun, hit a pole and split in half. It took the police nearly 2 hours to find the wheels from my car. I was unhurt, my friend miraculously was unhurt, and on reflection, we both survived we reckon by about 3 millimeters. No one was coming the other way.

I am obviously banned and feel grateful my society did just that. Had someone, by chance, beeen coming the other way, i would have killed them.

So 2 years on, i mean how do you "live with yourself after that?" You say you feel so angry with yourself....don't. Alcohol thrives and preys on folk who are angry. I was drinking everyday from start to finish almost unaware i was doing so it was so consistant.

I chose to no longer drink, and i find live without alcohol to be real and at times as painful as alcoholism ever was, but somehow i have recognised i chose drinking to throw away responsibility, and sobriety empowers me to take rersponsibility as a way forward. It is hard work my friend, but so was drinking.

These are properly tough times for you Brian, i say again you are not alone.

2 years ago i was a lost, drenched alcoholic who had spilt is car in 2 and had no future. 2 years on, this family and my desire to become sober, and here i am. I have my problems, i always will. But i am sober today, i can only do that 1 day at a time, and i can not do it on my own.

Those that reach out to the extent they share for the first time with this family, are winners, wherever they may be on their journey. You have said yourself this is rock bottom for you........good. That is a great place to be. It means everything goes up through a desire to want it to.

May i suggest you find a way of spending 2 hours, maybe in the morning before a drink?....and cry your eyes out?...works wonders for me. It does so because it makes me "stop". Whhhooaaa Tryn, slow down with all your feelings, take a step back. When i hit my rock bottom, (and a lamp post), i could deny it no longer. I had to get help. I had already gone everywhere to stop me wrapping my car round that lamp post, no one had the answers. I came here in desperation to save my own life, and realised with support, wisdom and experience shared with me if i opened up, i had the answers i was looking for. I am still looking(!)....but now i know where to look.

Don't beat yourself up Brian. It is done. Lets all find ways forward eh?

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Brian.
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