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Unread 10-29-2009, 07:27 PM   #64
Senior Member
Posts: 543

Originally Posted by CarlyO View Post
Hi Frank,
Good to hear from you.One thing that struck me was when you said you had not hit bottom, some may say: why on earth wait ? I understand when you say, you are waiting for something to "click"or go Kaboom, but,
I am fresh outta dynamite ; )

All kidding aside, this is a serious disease, it could be possible that your journey is a gradual understanding and acceptance of recovery ? Maybe ?

You have posted that you are aware of the effects of alcohol on the body, but i have not heard you speak much about how you feel, are you happy, content , at peace?

I ask because when I hit bottom, I felt like I was peering over the abyss, terrified I would be swallowed up by the sheer darkness that had invaded my heart. That was my main motivation to seek help, more emotional than physical, ( after my relapse).
With work, I was able to feel good feelings again.

Does any of this ring true for you ?
Or are you more concerned that when you do drink, it wreaks havoc on your body, takes days to get over the effects ?
I am just posing these questions in hopes of finding out what you are thinking/feeling.

I do agree with you, some of the best advice/feedback I have ever had was not from therapists/doctors, but rather someone in the rooms and it was free ! I know I complicated the heck out of recovery when I was first exposed to all things recovery.

About the G-O-D issue, I respect what you believe,do not believe, it is a dicey subject.
As Rlee posted there are many people who find a way to make it work - if that is what you wanted to pursue.
Kudos to you for being honest and continuing to seek answers, don't give up - please !

Take care, Carly : )

I see I never answered your questions, so I will try to, although you might not come back to this thread again. First, for me it's hard to figure out the reasons why I drink. I'm thinking it's probably like most every one else in that I drink to escape bad feelings, the past, angziety etc.

I guess I have a very hard head, as i'm not aware of most of these things most of the times before I drink, and even though sometimes I recognize a trigger, I would drink anyway, and not give it another thought.

As far as being happy, i'm not. I'm always thinking things like "when I get this or or that, then I will be happy". My head is always in the future, that I can't be happy in the now. Remember when we were kids, and everything was in the now? Those were the days, and we didn't know it.

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