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Unread 03-05-2012, 05:19 AM   #16
KJ42
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I am a member of another suboxone forum and have maintained an honest dialogue with the moderator. I just sent her an update and have decided to post it here instead of rewriting it. I haven't proof read it before considering it for here, I just wanted to reply and then head off to bed. So... I hope I am not setting myself up for scrutiny by posting this but here ya go...

Sorry I have been MIA, even though I know I'm free to come and go. I have been focusing on other things lately. My son just started Kindergarten this year and he has not been "progressing as he should"... per his teach.er *sigh* Once again I am having to deal with the repercussions of labels and trying to avoid them. I refuse to let my lil man be saddled with a "Special Education" brand when it's not the case. The class sizes are huge in my area. I think the teachers have no choice but to off load some of the kids that need more attention on to SE. Anyway, I figured if I am having a difficult time taking the "leap" I may as well focus on something I am willing to act on.

I always have everything I've learned here, and everywhere else in the back of my mind though. I've cut the wine back to less than half of what I was drinking before. Maintaining 8 oxy a day... down from 20+ a day. The meth use is increasing and its scaring the hell outta me. The advantages I find when I am using meth seem to off set the negative parts of using opiates. Before I picked it back up I was submerged in this addiction etc world. I couldn't think about anything else. After a while it really started to weigh on me. Spending that much time devoted to something and still not being able act? Lots of self loathing...

Now, I am at least putting my energy places that are actually changing things for the better. I have had a positive impact on my son's "progress" by educating myself on tools available to me. I've done some research on possible career paths once I find myself... well, you know. I bought 2 tickets to see one of my favorite artists... Ani Difranco. I still don't know who I am going to get to go with me, but at least I know I will at least go. I don't get out much. I'm starting to focus on scheduling my day so that I don't sit online and wallow all day without being productive. As you can imagine, it's difficult to find motivation in my current situation.


Not sure what else to say...
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