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Unread 03-05-2012, 06:19 AM   #16
Posts: 37

I am a member of another suboxone forum and have maintained an honest dialogue with the moderator. I just sent her an update and have decided to post it here instead of rewriting it. I haven't proof read it before considering it for here, I just wanted to reply and then head off to bed. So... I hope I am not setting myself up for scrutiny by posting this but here ya go...

Sorry I have been MIA, even though I know I'm free to come and go. I have been focusing on other things lately. My son just started Kindergarten this year and he has not been "progressing as he should"... per his *sigh* Once again I am having to deal with the repercussions of labels and trying to avoid them. I refuse to let my lil man be saddled with a "Special Education" brand when it's not the case. The class sizes are huge in my area. I think the teachers have no choice but to off load some of the kids that need more attention on to SE. Anyway, I figured if I am having a difficult time taking the "leap" I may as well focus on something I am willing to act on.

I always have everything I've learned here, and everywhere else in the back of my mind though. I've cut the wine back to less than half of what I was drinking before. Maintaining 8 oxy a day... down from 20+ a day. The meth use is increasing and its scaring the hell outta me. The advantages I find when I am using meth seem to off set the negative parts of using opiates. Before I picked it back up I was submerged in this addiction etc world. I couldn't think about anything else. After a while it really started to weigh on me. Spending that much time devoted to something and still not being able act? Lots of self loathing...

Now, I am at least putting my energy places that are actually changing things for the better. I have had a positive impact on my son's "progress" by educating myself on tools available to me. I've done some research on possible career paths once I find myself... well, you know. I bought 2 tickets to see one of my favorite artists... Ani Difranco. I still don't know who I am going to get to go with me, but at least I know I will at least go. I don't get out much. I'm starting to focus on scheduling my day so that I don't sit online and wallow all day without being productive. As you can imagine, it's difficult to find motivation in my current situation.

Not sure what else to say...
KJ42 is offline   Reply With Quote