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-   -   Im not sure what to do... (http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=29762)

MVB15 12-01-2014 01:39 PM

Im not sure what to do...
 
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I am currently pregnant. My boyfriend likes to drink and when he drinks he gets very mean. The beginning of the year he has gotten violent with me and it was pretty bad. This wasnt the only time but this time it was worse. My whole pregnancy I have gotten no support from him and all he has been doing is drinking. When he drinks he gets very mean and it seems like it only towards me and everybody else he is nice to. He will call me names, threaten me and continue to throw the past in my face like when I would go out with my friends. I dont know if I should continue to try or leave. I am having a child with him and I do have another child from a previous relationship. Do you think he will change his ways or should I just walk away for good. I have told him that he needs help but he thinks he does not have a problem. I really need some advice.

R. Lee 12-01-2014 09:25 PM

MVB15, Welcome to the site. I am a recovering alcoholic. No I do not believe he will change. Leave him now before he hurts you, the baby you are carrying & your child.

Your children & you do not deserve to live like this. You have the choice now to protect yourself & your children.

jenm 12-02-2014 08:28 AM

Hi MVB15 - Welcome!

I am glad you are here. You must be under an incredible amount of stress. If your boyfriend does not think he has a problem, it is highly likely that this exact pattern of behavior will continue. I speak from personal experience. This is a place where there is a ton of experience and support. Do not be afraid to open up. Others will chime in with their experience, strength, and hope as well.

I am a single parent to 3 boys. I have been a single parent for several years. It is not easy, but it is FAR better than tolerating abuse. You do not have to live like this, and it is damaging and unhealthy to submit children to this kind of lifestyle/behavior.

Being pregnant is stressful enough, let alone adding an abusive and alcoholic partner. My youngest son's father has never seen him, and I did the entire pregnancy and labor/delivery on my own, with my mom and girlfriends surrounding me. Today I have an amazing, happy, healthy 6 year old little guy and I am very very blessed!! :)

Take care! And I will pray for you! Jenm

1418 12-13-2014 11:15 PM

MVB15,

Please listen to your instincts/listen to yourself. You are going to be a mother and you just know things. Please do not try to talk yourself out of what you know.

I wish I would have left as soon as my ex started drinking. I stayed for 4 years, becuase I wanted to try and make it work for my son. I was divorced 5 years ago.

Just tonight my son told my ex that he was ill so he wouldn't have to go over to his father's house. My son is in therapy to try to deal with the stress of having an alcoholic father who refuses to take any responsibility for his own issues.

Please please please trust your instincts. As a mom, you know what is best for you and your child. You already know that it isn't good to be in that environment. Get out now. You need to be strong for you child. Your job now is to be the best mother possible to your child, which means putting you both in a safe environment. That does NOT include your boyfriend. He has already demonstrated that he isn't safe. No more chances. He blew it. You are strong - listen and trust yourself. I finally started doing that, and nothing can stop me now. I know my purpose on this earth. It is to be the best mother possible to my son and to make decisions for his best interest.

You can do this. Trust yourself.

lostdog 12-14-2014 06:04 PM

You know what to do , trust your instincts. Let us know how you are doing. You can go to a shelter if you need to. Don't take anything he says personally so you feel bad about yourself. You are capable and competent. Bless YOU!


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