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Fallen Angel 05-10-2014 11:49 PM

New & feeling down
My partner has been battling with depression and alcohol dependency for many years, he was a drinker when I met him but it gradually got worse, at rock bottom he attempted suicide after I had walked out after having an argument about his drinking, that was, I thought the Wake up call he needed, he contacted out local Community alcohol service (CAS) and was given treatment, the alcohol nurse prescribed some medication that I had to supervise my partner taking ( nurse said he would only ever be given this medication Once and to make the most of I, not sure if that was true or he said it as an insentive for my partner) he relapsed, had a few more months of absinance and has been drinking again since Christmas.
He came home from shopping today and had apparently bumped in to a friend (who is also alcohol dependant) and they had a heart to heart, in the Pub, of course, about his friend losing everything because of his drinking,! His friend retaliated with "that's the pot calling the kettle" and told him to stop preaching to him, when he got home he said that he wanted to help his friend and I said then maybe you need to show him it can be done and he can be alcohol free by helping yourself first. He has agreed in theory to me calling NECCA to make an appointment for Me to see a counsellor who I have seen there before and him coming to sit in on my session, if he don't like her we will walk out and he won't go back(CAS & NECCA merged and last time we went to NECCA the receptionist was rude and there was an 8 week wait to him to see someone), but who knows what will happen come Monday

R. Lee 05-11-2014 12:45 PM

Fallen Angel, Welcome to this site.

I speak as a recovering alcoholic.

Anything I say is just a suggestion.

Your partner has to want to stop drinking for himself. I hope the alcohol session helps.

I could not get sober on my own. After 42 years of drinking I chose a support group of other recovering alcoholics.

My best to you & your partner.

Fallen Angel 05-12-2014 11:25 AM

Thank you R.Lee for your reply :)
My last post was a little short and sweet, due to the fact i spent over an hour typing a message then through tired eyes I hit the wrong button and it all vanished, thought I would give a little back ground.
I've been with my Partner for 6 yrs and it became apparent very early on that he was a "Drinker" things got from bad to worse, he was a Happy drunk up to the 10th can and then it all changed he wold be verbally disrespectful and cause an argument with anyone over anything, the worst incident resulted in me calling the police to remove him from the house, we decided he could no longer drink spirits (as this was his excuse for behaving the way he did)
Around a year later after he had been drinking all day he asked for more cans and i said no so he stood up and said "I know your going to hate me but I'm going to get more cans (Since then i have clear lost count of the amount of times i have heard this line) Which caused an argument which resulted in me going to my sisters a few hours later my sister noticed he had put a status of facebook that read 16 cans and 10 morphine tablets = Me never being able to hurt my angel (Me) again.(I take morphine for Chronic Back Pain) I went into panic mode and my sister called an ambulance, all of which resulted in me spending the night at hospital with him. Only allowed him to leave because he agree to see the crisis team in out patients.
Of course he didn't got to the appointment, I did however manage to get him to see someone at CASS (community alcohol service) where we saw a nurse named Tony who prescribed him some medication and i had to supervise him taking it (Tony said he would only be given the medication once, i'm not sure if that was true or said more as an incentive) My partner liked Tony and did stop drinking and had a period of abstinence but then it started again. He went out and got drunk in town and was attacked on his way home, resulting in a trip to A&E to find he had a Perforated ear drum and had broken his thumb in 3 places, so once again decided he wanted to stop so we went to see NECCA (North east center for addictions, which had merged with CAS) He had made an appointment and when we got there, there was no record of app on the system and the receptionist got a little annoyed (which put him off the place straight away) we were eventually seen by someone who took his details went through his history of drinking and said he would receive an appointment. 2 weeks later app came but it wasn't for another 8wks, by which time he was no longer interested in giving up. I however went to see a counselor there in a bid to try to understand WHY he drinks (I've always believed there is an underlying cause but he wont admit anything and refuses to see a counselor) The counselor explained that i have to try to distance myself from HIS relationship with Alcohol and it did help having someone i could talk. He then decided to give up again last year, completely of his own decision, and he did it alone weened himself off slowly, we agreed that with the money we were saving we would get him a games console, he didn't have a thing to drink for over 6mths but, (yup you guessed it) the day after his console got delivered he went out and came home steaming drunk and hasn't stopped since. (admittedly since then he only drinks 2.8% Cans, but still)
He came home on Saturday after bumping into a friend who is also an alcoholic, he spent all afternoon trying to convince his friend to go to NECCA with him today, his friend isn't interested in stopping and told him so which annoyed my partner because in his own words "Why can,t he see that continuing to drink will do him no good?" I told him that maybe if his friend could see it was working for him, that might change his mind, cause at the moment its like the blind leading the blind.
I suggested that I could ring and make an app for Myself today to see the counselor (she deals with addicts and their families) and he could sit in on my session and see if he feels he would be comfortable with her (he suffers depression and anxiety) of course today has come and when i mentioned it he quickly changed the subject so I left it (I've learned there is no point trying to force the issue, because he will only drink more)
I know life with me isnt always easy, I suffer with depression and chronic pain and can get very grouchy, my partner is my full time carer which I also know is not easy, BUT I also know his drinking and relationship with drink IS NOT my fault.
It just gets soooooooo tiring sometimes, the same argument, over the same things, a rash decision by him that he will stop drinking tomorrow, then when he remembers there is a REASON u should ween off alcohol and he starts shaking and getting withdrawal symptoms he has to go by alcohol, no matter how much we struggle financially but he is still convinced he can Do it all alone and doesn't need help quitting, as he has Proved he CAN stop Drinking, he just cant STAY STOPPED and 1 drink will never ever be JUST 1 drink for him.

R. Lee 05-13-2014 02:27 PM

Fallen Angel, I am glad that you are seeking counseling. No it is not your fault.

He is your full time caregiver. You do not have to live like this. How can a drunk be a good caregiver.

I am sure that you know about support groups of family & friends of alcoholics like
Al Anon. so you do not have to go through this on your own.

My best to you.

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