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gmasusie 09-16-2013 12:41 PM

Hi, I'm gmasusie, a name given to me by my grandchildren. I've seen the best of life and the worst. I am a retired HS English teacher, HS counselor, and adjunct college faculty member. I was molested by my cousin when I was 12 and he was 21. My mother did not believe it. I had a great career (including facilitating substance abuse and sexual abuse support groups for adolescents). I have two wonderful children, both of whom are professionals struggling with alcohol and two straight-A olympic development soccer star grandchildren. I know that what I and my children (and son-in-law) are modeling for them predisposes them to have trouble with alcohol and drugs. That is my greatest fear. I was the primary care taker for my two aunts (no children), my beloved mother-in-law, and my OCD mother. They died at ages 85, 92, 100, and 100. All of a sudden they are all gone, my grandchildren live in another state, and my "functional alcoholism" is becoming dysfunctional. I never lost a job, got a DWI, or had any visible signs of alcoholism, but I have high blood pressure, high triglycerides, and had a double bypass in February. I am recovering well and have a wonderful husband, a sister that I love, and many friends. So, what's my problem?

All of you reading this can guess. I start drinking at 10 - 11 AM and don't stop until I go to bed at 9-10 PM. I put ice in my chardonnay to slow me down and convince myself I'm not a drunk. I almost never get "drunk" because my tolerance is so high, but I know I'm killing myself. I just wish it would hurry up and happen.

I loved my career and now feel that I am of no use to anyone. I volunteered at the elementary school until my surgery in Feb. Now I don't feel I have the energy to go back. YOU know why I don't have the energy.

I have been a member since June and have read all of Tryn's threads, and Michael's, and Ashwin's. I feel as though I know SAINT, and RLee, JenM, and Nan. I feel like all of you are friends, but I am what my daughter calls a lurker. I forget that you don't know me. It took a lot of courage for me to start this thread because I know you will call me out on my "shit," but if someone doesn't, I'm afraid I will drink myself to death.

michaelc232 09-16-2013 01:58 PM

Welcome Susie! The life of an alcoholic, while they are still sick, sucks! The lack of energy, desire to die, and hatred of yourself are all things that I have experienced. I have to remind myself every morning that I am only one drink away from all of that. I am only 16 days sober, but I can honestly say that my life has already improved greatly. Does it suck sometimes? Yes! Do I get cravings? Yes! But is it all worth it? Hell Yes!
Stick around, talk to us, swap stories and experiences. We need you! Nobody can do this alone. Blessings!


gmasusie 09-16-2013 03:03 PM


Your story is one thing I found on this site that gave me the courage to write. Thank you. I thought through 2 hours today without drinking and then gave in. I hope that tomorrow I can think through more.

Frankie 09-16-2013 04:08 PM

Welcome gmasusie,

Glad to see you posting after watching for so long! You will get the help you're looking for here now that you've decided to join us, and hopefully you will want to become part of the family here. We help each other stay sober. Glad to have you here gmasusie and looking forward to hearing more from you. Thanks for posting!


gmasusie 09-16-2013 05:36 PM


Thanks for your welcome. I have seen your support of folks who are willing to accept it. I hope I can become one of those.
One of my fears is that I will not measure up. I know I can't kick this to impress folks on a website or in a group, but I hope I can do it for myself and my family. My higher power is not what people normally believe in. My uncle and grandfather were Southern Baptist preachers. My dad was the brilliant renegade. College dampened my religious beliefs and curiosity until I spent 2000-2004 as counselor at a pueblo reservation high school.
Through the relationships there and friendships made through my cohort group in grad school in psych (including Apache counselor and her brother, the medicine man {labeled schizophrenic by Anglo society}), I came to trust the goodness of the Great Spirit, whoever she or he may be. I know there is goodness and hope in the world. I just need to refind it. I went to AA meetings 35 years ago which helped me maintain my functional alcoholism. I hope to get to the point where I can show myself and my family that I can be the person they think I am without the alcohol.
Thank you for your encouragement and support.

Saint 09-16-2013 08:43 PM


Welcome and thank you for posting. Your words made me recall how nervous I was when I finally hit the 'submit reply' button on my very first post. You are among friends here. As RLee has posted " None of got here on a winning streak". We all have different life experiences but we all have one thing in common. We are alcoholics and always will be. I drank for the vast majority of my adult life. I have some idea of how you feel as do the others here. For me I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and finally found my way here. I managed to maintain a job through it all although my marriage did not. Everybody's bottom is different but I will tell you it does not have to get worse for you before it gets better. Gmasusie you are taking a step towards sobriety by posting. Listen, learn, and talk with us!



Frankie 09-16-2013 08:57 PM

Gmasusie, Try not to sweat the drinking for now. I also tried AA, but I just wasn't ready, just like they say, "I had some more drinking to do", but in my case I had many more years of drinking to do. The info I learned on this forum finally kicked in for me, so just try to hang out and maybe learn all over again like I had to do. You made the first step, so don't worry about a higher power or anything else. Just know that you will be loved here and will have a home to go to., then try not to drink when you are ready to do so, and I think the rest will fall into place. Try to post every day if you can.


gmasusie 09-16-2013 09:14 PM

Many thanks for your words of encouragement. I feel like I have lived a lie/secret since I was 17-18. My husband knows, but has only once or twice in 45 years of marriage has he suggested I might need help.

My father's name was Frank; he was my strength while he was alive.

To everyone out there: I feel excited and scared and eager to learn the wisdom that you all have. I am thinking about things that I can do to substitute for alcohol when I have the urge to drink. I have two dogs who do NOT get enough exercise. I need to get back to regular exercise since the cardiac rehab. Sooo......hopefully I can substitute that for drinking. I just don't know. I also want to share these communications with my husband, but I am afraid to do so. Is the anxiety the result of being afraid that I am so close to making a commitment that if I fail, he will be disappointed? I don't know. I just know how good it feels to be honest about my life with folks who have been here and who do not pass judgment. Thank you.

julie48 09-16-2013 09:43 PM

Hi GM and welcome. I think getting more exercise is a great start in relieving anxiety, and it'll do your dogs good too! I have two doggies myself and try to walk them everyday. Sometimes I don't feel like it, but I do it anyway and I actually feel pretty darn good when I get done. Your anxiety could be fear of disappointing your hubby, but I think it may be fear of disappointing yourself. It is not always necessary to tell of our exact intentions and commitments right off the bat. As you do this one day at a time, your hubby will see the changes in you and most of all YOU will feel and see the changes within yourself. You may consider telling your husband of your intentions (if you feel you want to), but tell him you are making this commitment ONE DAY AT A TIME. Because truthfully, all we have is today. Tomorrow is not promised to us, so if you live for today and say for today I choose not to drink, and for today I am going to love myself and those doggies then a walkin' we will go!!!! No one is here to pass judgment, only to support you and cheer you on!! You can do this, there is nothing like the feeling of being free, and that is what you will be. Free. Peace and love, Julie ;)

gmasusie 09-16-2013 10:59 PM

Julie 47,

Thank you for the encouragement. My two terriers will appreciate it too, when I take them for a walk tomorrow instead of a drink. I also appreciate R Lee's honesty when responding to Holly. She sounds like a kindred soul! It is interesting how different all of our life circumstances are, and yet how similar our heart breaks are. Is it appropriate for me to respond to Holly even though I am a junior member and am not yet sober? I guess I need to learn the protocol, even though I have read US Cp, policies etc.

Thank you all for the incredible support without passing judgment.. It is refreshing.

"The struggle continues." --Harris

R. Lee 09-16-2013 11:01 PM

gmasusie, Welcome to the site. My grandchildren call me Gaga.
Thank goodness I don't have to go through my past again tonight as you have been lurking & I feel you know my story.
I lost a job but got it back in arbitration. Never was arrested although I should have for all the shoplifting & drunk driving that I did. Oh yes I'm a retired police officer from metro Detroit. I was only stopped once for drunk driving & escorted out of town & told not to come bask. I was never caught stealing.
My drinking after I retired consisted of starting drinking about noon & stopping around 5 P.M. But I could enter a bar at noon & close the place at 2 A.M. drinking about 4 beers an hour. I drank heavy for 42 years. Stopping for 3 times only to go back.
While I had just come home at dinner time drunk I had the urge to go to an AA meeting the next day. It was suggested that I get a sponsor & phone phone number of the men & call them before I drank.
I work my program 1 day at a time. This morning I had a choice to drink or not drink just for today. I chose to not drink today. The days have piled up for a while.
I could not stop drinking on my own. I had to do it with a support group of other recovering alcoholics.
I'm happy you introduced yourself & I hope you can have a new life without drinking. Good luck on your choices.

R. Lee 09-16-2013 11:14 PM

gmasisie, Welcome to the site.
I just tried to post my story to you & deleted it.
I think you know my story. Beer drinker for 42 years. Tried to quit 3 times, always went back to drinking. Was afraid to try & quit again only to fail one more time so why try. I was a functioning alcoholic like you. I had material things but did not think much of myself. I hated to look myself in the mirror.
One day while drunk I had the courage to say enough I'm going to an AA meeting tomorrow. I know I can not stop without a support group of recovering alcoholics.
I was welcomed. It was suggested I soon chose a sponsor & get phone numbers of the men & call one before I drank.
I was told that I only had to stay sober for that day. Then if I woke up the next day I had a choice to go back & drink again or not drink just for that day.
many days later I have not had a drink. I have evolved from a liar, cheat & a thief to sober man.
I wish you the best in your choice.

R. Lee 09-16-2013 11:16 PM

Well I guess I did not delete my last message. I'm human & can make mistakes & laugh at myself. Good luck.

gmasusie 09-16-2013 11:21 PM

R Lee, I do know your story. It is amazing how many of us are, or have been, professional civil servants/ health & mental health providers. I have a theory: we want to save the world (including ourselves); we find out it is not possible; we lose faith. If we could just save others, maybe we could earn redemption for ourselves. Sometimes I am just tired of this old world. I spent 40 years trying to SAVE others. Now I just wish someone could save me. Thanks for your empathy.

nan 09-16-2013 11:29 PM

gmasusie, YOU can save yourself-you are seeking help and it is available. Keep looking and taking the steps each day. Have faith that there is a good world out there and you have the opportunity to finally enjoy it all, without drinking. Yes, I have faith that you can!


gmasusie 09-16-2013 11:30 PM

R Lee,
Thank GOD (whoever she/he may be), we can laugh at ourselves and admit our mistakes. It is amazing to me how many of us could pull it off: career, parenting, etc., without being publicly outed. The sad thing is how much better we might have been at our jobs, our parenting, our marriages, if we had admitted our weaknesses and looked for help. I am just grateful that my husband of 46 years ( 9 years of dating before that) did not desert me, but has hung around and told me he was proud of my dedication to cardiac rehab and my attempt to restore some normalcy (whatever that is) to our lives. I'll quit being maudlin, go to bed, and be more lucid and sober tomorrow, God willing.

gmasusie 09-16-2013 11:38 PM


You are the one I know the least about; however, in some ways I feel closer to you than anyone, probably because JenM and my daughter seem to be about the same age.

I know there is a better world out there. I have been the beneficiary of it, many times. When I drink, I don't feel deserving, so I isolate and make excuses. I will examine these concepts and post again tomorrow. Maybe I will be strong enough to not drink tomorrow. At least I will be willing to listen, learn, and try again, I hope.

Thank you for your post and your support! I know you understand the passing of alcoholism to next generations. There lies my deepest guilt.

gmasusie 09-17-2013 12:23 AM

16 days sober is so far beyond my reality. I hope you are proud of yourself and grateful for whatever forces helped you get this far. Keep celebrating. Positive reinforcement will keep you going. You must be your own strongest advocate. Pat yourself on the back for how far you've come and where you want to go. You have my best wishes!

michaelc232 09-17-2013 01:33 AM

Thank you for the encouragement Susie! I am definitely so grateful to God for His ultimate guidance, as He is always there when I am willing to ask for help. I look forward to you being a part of my recovery, and me being a part of yours. Your gonna win this war Susie! As R.Lee relentlessly says, "one day at a time.....

NancyB 09-17-2013 08:18 AM


Originally Posted by gmasusie (Post 435393)
...Is it appropriate for me to respond to Holly even though I am a junior member and am not yet sober? I guess I need to learn the protocol, even though I have read US Cp, policies etc. ...

Hi gmasusie, you can absolutely respond to Holly or post in any other threads when you'd like to. There aren't restrictions because you haven't stopped yet.

I'm glad you finally decided to post after reading for so long. That in itself is inspiring. You're among friends who offer so much nonjudgemental, great support. A great group of people.

Best wishes,


jenm 09-17-2013 09:45 AM

Hi Gmasusie!

Welcome! I would just like to say that I am really, really proud of you for posting. I know it isn't easy! Secondly I want to tell you that you are safe here. We don't judge! I know what it feels like to live in active addiction to alcohol. I know the feelings of isolation, of feeling "less than", and the guilt and shame that goes with it. On the other hand, I know the amazing freedom that is felt when we choose, just for today, not to drink! I maintain sobriety, just like R Lee, one day at a time. I have also done it one hour at a time, literally looking at the clock and not drinking for time periods. I find it even better, though, to get out of myself and help others during times. Who wants to stare at the clock? :) If I am out of my own crazy head and I am doing something for someone else, chances are I am not drinking and I am not thinking about poor ole me - which I am very good at, by the way. ;)

I have also lived the "double life" - on the outside I was a wonderful high school teacher, single mom of 3 boys, fitness instructor, always helping others out. On the inside I was a scared, lonely little girl who needed to drink to escape. Thank God I don't have to live like that anymore. You don't have to live like that anymore, either. One thing you're going to need to think about is getting honest with those who are close in your lives. Let that 1,000 pound weight off your back! Please keep posting and know that we are here for you, without judgment, and that we care! I am praying for you. Take care! :) Jenm

gmasusie 09-17-2013 11:04 AM


Thank you for your enthusiastic response. I emailed this thread to my husband. He printed it and gave it to me without a word. Then he invited me to go to lunch and a movie. How cool is that. Just until this afternoon, I choose not to drink. I am scared of DTs. The only thing I have experienced is sweats and shakes.

My son and daughter are the ones who labeled me a "functional alcoholic" years ago. I need to think about who those people are that I need to share this with and when: before or after I quit? Thank you all for your support.

julie48 09-17-2013 11:18 AM


Originally Posted by gmasusie (Post 435393)
Julie 47,

Thank you for the encouragement. My two terriers will appreciate it too, when I take them for a walk tomorrow instead of a drink. I also appreciate R Lee's honesty when responding to Holly. She sounds like a kindred soul! It is interesting how different all of our life circumstances are, and yet how similar our heart breaks are. Is it appropriate for me to respond to Holly even though I am a junior member and am not yet sober? I guess I need to learn the protocol, even though I have read US Cp, policies etc.

Thank you all for the incredible support without passing judgment.. It is refreshing.

"The struggle continues." --Harris

Hi, of course you can respond!!! Everyone need everyone!!!!! ;)

gmasusie 09-17-2013 11:20 AM

Thanks, Julie 47

I get it. We all need each other.

RIX 09-17-2013 09:54 PM

Welcome Gmasusie~

I to applaud you for your courage to face this problem and start taking steps to a healthy and happy life.

Thank You for your honesty!


R. Lee 09-17-2013 10:21 PM

There is no seniority here. Please join in. It will help you stay sober.

jenm 09-18-2013 12:02 AM

Hi Gmasusie!

Please don't worry about when you'll tell people about this.....just focus on today, right now, don't drink today, and enjoy lunch and a movie with your husband. When you need to share with others, it will happen when it is supposed to happen. I remember when I was first sober that I wanted to let everyone in the world know how "good" I was now! I was gently reminded by my friend and sponsor though - 'normal' people have been doing things like getting up and going to work, family things, day to day normal things without even thinking about a drink. So why did I feel as though I deserved a gold medal for not getting drunk everyday? Don't get me wrong, it was a huge accomplishment for me, especially the 30days that I had previously swore I could never go that long without a drink. Well, I did.

I guess what I'm saying is that I share things about my alcoholism with the appropriate people at an appropriate time. Just like I share my message about Salvation with Jesus Christ with people when it is appropriate. I force nothing on anyone! Sometimes though the time is just right. Hope you had a great day! Take care! :) Jenm

gmasusie 09-18-2013 09:42 AM

Thanks to RIX, RLee and JenM. Lunch and the movie were great. I drank two hours less yesterday than the day before. That's a total of 4 hours less. Today a friend is coming to help me clean closets, so I'm shooting for 6 hours less. I have done a lot of research in the last couple of days about detox and avoiding withdrawal symptoms. I figure within 2-3 days I will feel strong enough to say, "Just for today, I choose not to drink."

gmasusie 09-18-2013 11:18 AM

Has anyone heard of HAMS: Harm Reduction, Alcohol Abstinence........? They had some good suggestions for avoiding withdrawal, IMO. I'm trying for a few days. I really am afraid to go "cold turkey" with all the heart meds, etc. I'll let you know if it works.

R. Lee 09-18-2013 02:21 PM

gmasusie, I have not heard of HAMS. Good luck avoiding withdrawals. I never had to deal with them.

michaelc232 09-18-2013 02:59 PM

If you start having DT's or any other serious withdrawal effects, go to the ER. There are medications to get you through the initial withdrawals.

Frankie 09-18-2013 03:05 PM

Hi gmasusie,

Glad to see you're receiving all the help here and are headed in the right direction in getting the monster off your back. If possible try not to get overwhelmed with too much info overload that you might just say "to h$$$ with it all"., but on the other hand older people go down fast drinking, and especially women. Just some thoughts.

I'm sure you know this, but if you can run the not drinking thing down to your Dr. to be on the safe side especially taking meds etc., that might be a good idea. It wouldn't hurt and might give you some peace of mind, and right now you could very much use it. Again, the people here were instrumental in my sobriety and I hope to see you posting every day. It really works!


gmasusie 09-18-2013 06:15 PM

Thank you, RLee, Frankie and Michael. I don't know for sure if I will have withdrawal symptoms, but I am afraid of that. I am continuing to reduce my consumption, but will call my doctor tomorrow. I have 2.5 hours in dentist's chair in the AM, so I'll probably be ready for a nap after lunch, which will also help delay drinking. I'm just a little scared and jittery. My husband is being very supportive...allowing me to talk to him about options and to set my own schedule.

I also don't want to find excuses to continue to delay. I want to be honest with myself. I have a friend with 17 years of sobriety that I am thinking of asking to sponser me. We know a few people in common, but I don't believe she would betray a confidence. I don't even know how she reached her sobriety, but I will ask. She shared that much with me.

R. Lee 09-18-2013 07:56 PM

gmasusie,The 11th Tradition in AA is Our public relation policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, & films.

I have mentioned AA here recently as how I obtained sobriety. Before I had used the term support group. No one knows me here personally, but I feel funny because I may be promoting AA. That is not what I want to do.

If someone asks me how I got sober, I tell them the truth. I could not get sober by myself. I went to AA & it has worked so far.

I think asking your friend with 17 years of sobriety how she did it is proper.

Honesty & having confidence in a sponsor is of the utmost importance.

gmasusie 09-18-2013 10:46 PM

Thank you, RLee. I know people who owe their lives to AA. I do not know yet where she got help, but I am trying to be humble and open to suggestions. I know I have not been successful by myself.

Thank you all for your patience and guidance. My one consolation (word choice?) has always been the Serenity Prayer.

RIX 09-19-2013 01:54 AM

Hello Susie,

I thought I would offer my opinion and perspective. Perhaps it will be of some use to you... forgive me if I sound too forward or aggressive, it is not my intention, we all do care that you find a healthy path to recovery.

There are so many recovery and support options out there... most work really well if the person is willing to relentlessly pursue sobriety, it sounds like you are. That being said my opinion is pick an option and pursue it for all your worth (which is ALOT by the way:) If your friend is standoffish in talking about their recovery... don't sweat it. There are a lot of ways to get sober... the bottom line for each person who fights the battle is, do they want it- again it sounds like you do.

I understand your fear of detox and agree it is wise to be careful... but we can (as you alluded to) keep scaring ourselves away from sobriety. Sometimes it works best to just talk to the doctor, be really honest with them about your alcohol intake and get their guidance. Looking around for a way to do this painlessly and silently may leave you feeling like it just can't be done, or its to hard or too dangerous. I disagree... the most dangerous thing is to continue where you have been.

I love that your husband is so supportive... we need that as we pursue recovery, what a blessing!

You are in a good place! You are doing the right thing in trying to find the path to recovery that works for you!

Very Best Regards!


gmasusie 09-19-2013 09:54 AM

Well said.

Thank you, rix

R. Lee 09-19-2013 10:24 AM

gmasusie, I use the Serenity Prayer when asking for help.

jenm 09-19-2013 12:05 PM

Hi Gmasusie!

I think one one of the hardest things that I had to do is admit, really admit to my innermost self that I am an alcoholic. That I cannot drink like other people. Ever. And boy did I try! To drink like other people, that is. Guess what? It doesn't work. Somewhere along the line I crossed that invisible line from not being an alcoholic to being an alcoholic. I hated to admit it, I was mad, sad, frustrated, and upset. But none of that changed the fact that I'm an alcoholic! Once I finally accepted that, I was able to move on. Just for today, I choose not to drink. I cannot think about tomorrow or forever because that is just too long. Just today!

Getting honest with your husband is an awesome step in the right direction. Talking to your doctor is a really good idea, too. I have never had to medically detox but I have dealt with the shakes and the sweats before when I stopped drinking. If you are on medication, etc, it would definitely be a good idea to be completely honest with your doctor about what is going on and what you plan to do about it. Alcoholism is deadly. It never gets better, it only gets worse. My brother nearly died from cirrhosis of the liver at the age of 41 but by God's grace he received a life saving liver transplant and has another chance. I am praying for you, take care! :) Jenm

gmasusie 09-19-2013 02:25 PM

Thanks JenM,

I am worried about my 35-year-old son who is diabetic and drinking.

I just got home from 2 1/2 hours in dentist chair. I will take a nap before I call the doctor.

You guys are giving me hope and strength. Thanks to you all.

RIX 09-19-2013 09:22 PM

You can do this! At times it seems like a impossible path... but I assure you it is very possible.

I thought I would add one other thought about the doctor thing... depending on your doc, each is so different, but they may just say... go to detox, or go to AA or something like that... not every doctor is well educated or experienced in dealing with addiction. It is never wrong to be forward about where you are at with your doctors... I just though I'd add this point that they may not tell you what you want to hear or expect to hear... and that too is ok... like with all of this take what works for you, be it hear on this site, or at the doc, or in a support/recovery environment, take what works for you and leave the rest.

Thanks for coming back here and sharing with us Susie!

Stay in touch.


gmasusie 09-20-2013 12:08 PM


Thanks for the heads up. I have an appointment with my cardiologist this coming Wed. I will do some research about meds that help to take with me to see him. I am asking for a request for blood test BEFORE I go, so he can check blood sugar, triglycerides, etc. Meanwhile, I'm trying to cut back a little more each day, so I'll be ready to quit.

Thanks for the support from all of you.


NancyB 09-20-2013 04:39 PM

Hi gmasusie, here's a link on some medicated-assisted treatment options I thought you might find interesting.

I hope that's helpful. That's great that you'll be talking with your doctor.


gmasusie 09-20-2013 07:10 PM

Nancy B,

Thanks so much. This will give us a starting place. I am cutting down each day, but it's harder than I thought it would be unless I have every minute scheduled.

I appreciate the support.

michaelc232 09-21-2013 12:01 AM

Was thinking about you today Susie. I hope you are doing well. For me, attempting to control, or taper off drinking was 10 times more miserable than just biting the bullet and quitting altogether. I hope the best for you! Keep talking to us, you help me stay sober. Blessings!


Saint 09-21-2013 03:13 PM


Hi! You've been taking some big steps towards regaining control of your life. Any type of change can introduce it's own particular stress upon a person, add addiction an it can be daunting to people. We are parting ways with our old 'friend' alcohol and trying to find a new way of life. It can be tough physically and emotionally for most thus the need, usually, for some type of support system.

Keep up the good work and continue to make sobriety the most important thing in your life.


gmasusie 09-21-2013 08:02 PM

Michael and Saint,
Thank you for your continuned support. I talked to Dr. today. He has arranged for a blood test (cholesterol screen w/ blood sugar, liver, kidney, etc.) for Monday, so we have results for Wed. appt. Meanwhile, I'm trying to stay busy to limit time to fret and drink. My husband has been a real support. I'm lucky and grateful to have him.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

julie48 09-21-2013 08:15 PM

That is wonderful your husband is a great support. Mine is as well and what a blessing. I have been reading over your thread, and although I am normally on the opiate forum due to becoming dependent of prescribed pain med and now on suboxone, I am a recovering addict with 13 years clean from cocaine and alcohol.

I remember the days of trying to "control" it, and "limit" it. DOESN'T WORK! And it is more miserable than living one day at a time, and saying for today I choose not to drink. And then tomorrow, repeat that same sentence. Life is wonderful and gets better, when you are free from what has held you prisoner for so long. Take charge, and be good to yourself. God Bless. Julie

gmasusie 09-21-2013 11:17 PM


Your bio sounds so similar to mine! Wow! I understand what you're saying. Each day convinces me that "control" is just an illusion (re: the Serenity Prayer). I'm scared to just "quit." On the other hand, I have tried to set it up so that I have no excuse. If I have tapered off (which I am doing: kicking and screaming and hating it) enough so that on Wed, Doc and I can agree it is safe, I can say, "Just for today......" I CAN choose not to drink. Everyone on this site is supportive. I have been to AA and found folks to be judgmental. Not here. If I can't do it with the support I have found here, no one can do it! Please don't misunderstand. I know it is not the responsibility of anyone other than myself. I'm just saying that this is the most supportive network I have ever seen. I am grateful to everyone out there. Maybe that's what makes it work. I don't want to let you guys down.

"The struggle continues."

jenm 09-22-2013 09:52 AM

Hi Gmasusie!

I am so proud of you for your effort and strength so far. This is not easy! Believe me, I know this! First of all, you have admitted you have a problem - I have known many, many alcoholics who never come to that realization, choosing instead to live in that dreadful denial, all the while knowing that there is something wrong. You have sought out help from your doctor. Good for you!

I like what Julie said. We say this just for today, and then do it again tomorrow. "I will not drink today." This is how we do it! I am praying for you. Of course we are not judgmental. In my life, there is only one judge. We have all been exactly where you are right now. Yes, AA works for some and does not work for others, we all have a different path. There are many wonderful support groups out there besides AA. And of course, we are here, doing this thing one day at a time. Take care! Jenm

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