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-   -   Welcome to Steps without Stigma (http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=23204)

ADMIN 12-09-2009 01:33 PM

Welcome to Steps without Stigma
 
Steps Without Stigma is a "12 Step" program adapted to medication-assisted treatment.

Advances in medical science brings a greater understanding of the disease of addiction and therefore, more choices in treatment – including medication. This has been known to cause friction, if not outright discrimination, at some AA/NA meetings where the abstinent way of recovery is thought to be the only way.

Even though religion and spirituality are not one in the same, this misconception has shied people away from the 12-step traditions.

This forum is designed to transcend the stigma of medication-assisted treatment and the misconception of religion in the steps to make them a viable option for anyone interested in working the steps without stigma.

No one here is to act as a sponsor, but to use life experiences with the steps to help others to apply the steps in their lives. If you are looking for a sponsor, it is suggested that you find a face-to-face sponsor in either NA or AA.

Welcome! Please take a moment to introduce yourself so we can all get to know each other a little better.

TIM 12-10-2009 01:29 PM

Thanks Mike and Angela!! :D:D
Tim

OhioMike 12-10-2009 05:25 PM

We thought that it might be nice to use the "Welcome Thread" for all of us (those who wish to) to share briefly about ourselves and the disease of addiction, so we can get to know each other some.

Please, only do this if you are comfortable doing so and please only share what you are most comfortable with.



My name is Mike & I suffer from the Disease of Addiction & I'm a Survivor!

Prior to October 1983 my life was one big party. Though I was very productive and my life "seemed" in control, each night of each day, of each week ended with me straggling out of a after hours bar between 4 & 5am.

I didn't have a drug of choice and though I drank like a fish alcohol never got it's claws into me. My problem was every substance was my substance of choice and I mixed and matched at will.

Not until I became a father in October of 83 did I realize just how unmanageable my life was, even though from the outside it looked very successful. All of a sudden I had responsibility, real responsibility and that was something I had never had before because my career was entertainment to me.

They say we each have a moment of clarity, well mine came in a small package named Nicole. Her birth was very hard and the situation surrounding her mother and I placed me in a position to be a father from day one, a father who had to fight for his daughters own existence. It was that revelation in my life which made it so clear to me, how unmanageable my life really was.

From that point on AA saved me and taught me how to save myself. From then until 1999 my life was as perfect as I could have wished for.

In 1999 due to a injury to my L5 I was introduced to vicodin. Until that point though I had heard the word vicodin, it really meant nothing to me. Well it was about to mean everything to me. Unlike the years prior to 1983, I found a drug of choice, not just a drug, but I could only take it made from one manufacturer. From 99 to 04 my tolerance grew and grew. It grew to more than 70 tablets per day and by the time I entered treatment in 06 I was taking up to and at times above 100 tablets per day.

My life in active addiction nearly destroyed my family and they didn't even know why! Unlike before AA and self medicating didn't work. Oh I would make some progress, but, I always relapsed and my daily intake would increase greatly each time. I was not able to cross the bridge between detox and living in recovery.

Suboxone helped me cross that bridge and AA took it from there, coupled with other tools as well.

I didn't realize how ignorant I was about this disease until I reached this point. From 06 - 07 not only was what I was learning about the disease eye opening, but, what I was learning about myself was too.

Nearly everyday I meet people who feel all hope is lost because of this disease. Today I feel very blessed to be able to tell them with most certainty that is not the case!

Mike

Benzerellie 12-10-2009 06:16 PM

Hello my name is Ben and I suffer from addiction

My earlier years seem that of same as Mike's, always drinking at the bars..ect. Experimenting with just about everything. I've always been able to keep a job and worked at several Fortune 500 companies..I'm currently 35, My 7 years at IBM was mostly hard drinking and experimenting, I had to take an early separation package from IBM because of my attendance (from the drinking of course)

Over the years I've always been battling with alcohol....until I met hydrocodone. I basically substituted one for the other..I could function alot better on hydros and when I took them it didn't matter if I had a drink or not. I got another job working at well known company where I'm currently employed..still taking hydros and buying them off the street I was able to maintian my alcoholism, several years had passed and I ironically developed back pain T4-T5 perforated disc pinching on a nerve.

So now I start going to the doctor and now I'm getting my hydros prescribed as well as buying them from anyone who has them..sometimes taking 10-20 10mg hydros and up to 10 10mg of oxycodone. I recently met the love of my life and kept it from her the first 6 months of our relationship..its now been over a year with her and 3 weeks ago after trying and trying to get off the pills..woke up in bed after the 6th or 7th time in withdrawel and said I need to get help..Been on subs for little over 3 weeks and this is the first time I've ever addressed my addiction and gotten help..so here I am

gotitang 12-10-2009 11:35 PM

Welcome everyone! My name is Angela (got it ang or Tang as omike has dubbed me!)
My story starts out with pills and ends up with pills! I injured my back in 1980 and started actively using for "effect" by 1983-84. I noticed one day that when I took those pills, I could get alot done and NOT care that my husband was not coming home nights! (he was a big time gambler.....that's almost worse than a womanizer, who can compete with a pool table or cards!) Anyway it would be years before I realized that I had become addicted and addiction was going to control EVERY aspect of the rest of my life! I can remember thinking WOW....when I pop that vicodan, or codeine I can do anything! The house got spotless, dinner was always on the table, the kids were dropped off at every function they needed and I was on top of anything my husband wanted or needed from me!
But....at some point everything changed. I spent every moment the kids were at school setting up Dr. appointments to get more pills! I was working 5-6 Drs. in and out of town and I was bouncing in and out of Med Centers and had every pharmacy in a 20 mile radius hooked up with refills. God to think back on those days is madding. How I kept it all straight is only a testament to my NEEDING those pills!
Can anyone else remember hiding pills all over the house? How about planning vacations around how many prescriptions you could get. NO, I can't go to Germany for 3 weeks.....how the hell can I get 1000 pills in my suit case without being arrested? And it only got worse. At one point back in 1989 I did get arrested (for calling in my own prescriptions)! You would think that might have gotten me into recovery!
BUT....NO...recovery did not start for me until 1995 and then it would be years before I could really connect to working a program.

I always felt different. NA was to rough of a crowd...After all I wasn't a criminal (although I had been arrested.....don't you just love denial) And then there was AA and those people didn't get that I only had a pill problem. SOOOO for years I had every excuse in the book for NOT getting recovery. It was ALL there faults. There was just no place for me to fit in!
The one thing I am grateful for is this... At some point whatever drink or drug we take beats us down so bad that we are willing to go to any lengths to get better. In 2002 I had finally reached that milestone. After 3 in-patient treatment centers, many out-patient centers, and even many more detoxes I decided I wanted to get serious! I marched myself to AA and I clung to everything my sponsor said to do. I worked hard to change me and even accomplished being "clean and sober" for almost 5 years.
What I learned in those years thank GOD, got me to Suboxone after I went back out. I was only using for a short time BUT....the disease took off where it left off and quickly I was in detox HELL. I had researched Suboxone alittle for some friends that were struggling with getting sober so I knew the tool was out there! And after struggling so hard with detox I called some Drs. and made an appointment. I am so grateful for that willingness. I am not sure I could have stayed in recovery without utilizing every tool out there. See this disease wants me dead! Once that mental obsession had been triggered ALL bets were off even armed with the knowledge I had about myself. I could NOT get the craving and obsession to stop!
Thank God suboxone had gotten me over the hump. It gave me the ability to focus head on in recovery and discover exactly where I needed to strengthen my recovery.
I am so grateful today to be alive and a small part of helping others to recover! Thank you everyone for being there for me and to this site that has been such a huge part of my recovery!
If you want to live and are sick and tired of being in the squirrel cage. Welcome and let us help you! Thanks

hairgirl 12-11-2009 04:31 PM

Hello All-

My name is Shelly and my struggles with addiction have been with me most of my life.Drugs, sex, food- these things became ways to fill the emptiness in my heart, but the hole inside of me was never full.Nothing could satisfy my hunger because what I was starving for was love, caring, and compassion.
As a mother, I never felt I was going to be able to give my daughter a life she deserved because we were all alone in the world, and all I knew was to keep stuffing myself with substances to make the pain go away.In order to take care of her, I did what I had to do to survive but it wasn't the life I had wanted for the only person I loved unconditionally, so I gave up and that is when things really fell apart. The worst moments of my disease began to surface and it seemed I would never be able to heal, I lost any sense of hope...

Then suddenly a miracle occurred. In my darkest hour, as I cried out for my very soul- a sense of warmth came over me. It seemed like someone had put their arms around me and comforted me in that moment, but I was physically alone. Some would call this, A Moment of Clarity- I call it a miracle.

Since that moment, I knew there was work to be done, so I got help for my disease, and little by little, -life got better.
I have mainly worked on healing my inner child, letting myself be loved by my husband and family, and educating myself on addiction and recovery. There are other things that I work on, but these three are of the greatest importance to me because they make me who I am today.
If you are new here, do yourself a HUGE favor and stick around. With the support of the people here, I have remained in remission from addiction for almost three years.I have started a new journey to become an addictions specialist/counselor and work on research for the field. I also have learned to love myself and let go of lifelong resentments towards my parents, which have been a major roadblock to my recovery. I never thought an online community could be so important in my life, but without this forum, I would not be the person I am today.There are people here who have laughed together, cried together, and most importantly healed together and we welcome you to our family. Give yourself a break and trust in this process. The gifts in recovery are priceless.

gotitang 12-12-2009 01:11 AM

Since we are going to chat about step one on Monday I wanted to talk alittle about where we are getting all this information. We are going to go through he steps right out of the Big Book of Alcoholic's Anonymous. All the information we need is discussed in that book. It would be helpful if anyone wanting to learn about the steps gets that book. BUT, if you cannot do so right now you can go online to aa.org and they have the Big Book online. Once you get to the site (aa.org) at the bottom of the page it says:
Read the Big Book and the Twelve and Twelve. Click on that and then follow the directions to get the book online.
Before we can talk about Step one we should read The Doctor's Opinion. It is very important to understand what OUR (the) problem is. This is explained very well in the Drs. Opinion.
For the first time in written history, we see reference to the fact that the body of the alcoholic (or pill popper) is quite as abnormal as his mind. He confirms what we who have suffered alcoholic torture MUST believe. (the book always references alcohol....remember there is NO difference. A drug is a drug is a drink! It matters NOT. So don't let this get you suck. Substitute pills if that makes you more open minded okay.) Early on I had to do that. Today it doesn't matter. I now understand that my mind and body reacts differently than others. Once I put anything in my body it triggers my allergy.
The Dr. will explain about our allergy. He will explain that an allergy is an abnormal reaction to any food, beverage or substance of any kind. We have an abnormal reaction to pills. A normal person when taking pills get an out of control, nauseous feeling. When I take a pill my body says....YEAH it's on! I feel instantly IN CONTROL. My body says give me more. A normal body says...get rid of it....mine says give me more. Then the Dr. talks about the craving, which is the physical factor within our body which takes place after we take more. This is also abnormal. This phenomemon of craving is limited to us! It never occurs in a normal person. This craving is the manifestation of our allergy.
This is where we realize that we have no power. We are powerless. When we put that first pill into our system. Our bodys say give me more. Our mind starts obsessing and the craving becomes so overwhelming we must use. I thought that meant I was weak willed. Didn't you? But, it's not about will power. It is about having an allergy of the mind and body that makes us different from normal people. We become powerless. What happens then is we go into what is called the well know stage of a spree (today's terms we call it a run). These spree's are what cause our un-manageability. We cannot control what happens to us once we use. Some of us wind up in jail, we lose our families, our jobs, everything because we have triggered our allergy.
This is what step one is about. Finding out what the problem is. The problem is we are powerless over pills and our lives have become unmanageable.
Are you guys understanding this now? Can we talk about some of our experiences with that powerlessness. And what then happened to us. (our personal manageability) IF we do not see this we cannot move on. Without understanding what happens to us when we trigger this allergy we cannot admitt complete defeat. If we still think that we can use normally then we are destined to repeat over and over again our torture. This NEVER EVER GETS BETTER. Ask yourself if you have ever gained control? Why would you be using suboxone if you had? Suboxone blocks that craving and obsession. We are lucky today we have modern science on our side that can help us manage our alleregy until we can work the steps and gain insight to how to live life on life's terms.
The Dr. will talk more about the physic change that must happen for us to live again.

That is enough for tonight. I hope everyone can read the Drs. Opinion before we get to chat Monday. I am sure there will be alot of questions and Mike and I can try and answer some of them okay!
Omike? you got anything you want to add?

deanna 12-12-2009 06:59 AM

Hi guys! Im am really interested in joining your group. After reading all the posts here, I feel really good inside, so I know this is for me!!

My name is Deanna and Ive been an addict for about 20 yrs. I used cocaine from the 90's into the next decade, and had a long bout with alcohol. I managed to stop both of those on my own, but when I found pills, it was a whole new ballgame. I found out I had degenerative joint disease in my jaw from a car accident and was given vidocen on a monthly basis. It wasnt long before the vicoden wasnt enough, and the next thing you know,after about 8 yrs, I was taking 2-3 80mg oxycontin EVERY day. My whole life revolved around getting those pills. I found a guy who had sickle cell anemia, and he sold me his script every month. Needless to say I was spending over $100 a day. I thought I was feeling on top of the world, but I was down in a cave so deep, and I wanted out. After years of living in addiction, I wanted to get better, and I found suboxone. For the past 15 months, I have been working on my life, getting it back on track, and getting to know the real me again. Recovery is one of the most important things Ive ever done for myself, no, actually it IS the most important thing Ive done. Thank you all for being there to help me along this journey. Deanna

OhioMike 12-12-2009 07:13 AM

Quote:

Omike? you got anything you want to add?
Nope!

Well, OK yeah, I guess just one thing ............. This allergy deal, I have called my pharmaceutical curse since 7th grade! So for me it's my curse, my body loves to soak up pharmaceutical drugs.

Then how many years later?..... even after two decades of no active addiction, where am I?

Yep, that damn curse, it just hung around, waiting and watching for an opening!

As soon as I cracked the door some, opps there it was! lol

So yes, the doctors opinion is a must read IMO.

Thanks Tang, good read!

Mike

gotitang 12-12-2009 12:47 PM

Right Mike, There it was even after you hadn't put anything in your body for all those years. BUT...once you did your (curse) this disease, your allergy is progressive. It is guaranteed to get worse as time goes by because our body is aging. BTW....all the word dis-ease means is: Something that separates you from a sense of ease, Something that separates you from the normal thing that happens to most people. SO it is progressive whether we drink/use or not because of the age factor. Our bodies slow down as we age so it stands to reason that having done the damage we had to our bodies that even if nothing is put into our bodies for years the simple aging process still applies. (example) If I haven't had a pill or a drink in over 18 years, but I had a drink/pill today, I would NOT start off where I left off 18 years ago. The phenomenon of craving would be much stronger today due to the aging factor itself. The enzymes necessary to break down the substances are not there in the same qualities and quantities as a normal person. Those enzymes come from the liver and the pancreas. Remember we have done some damage to our organs. We may have stopped before we have done permanent damage (some of us have done permanent damage) but that damage has weaken our enzyme production. The enzyme production becomes less and less, and the phenomenon of craving becomes harder and harder.
This explains why after a long period of abstinence we "hit the next run" quickly and are needing more and more in a very short time. Less enzymes = harder phenomenon of craving.
So this is the physical factor of our disease. Or at least this is how it was explained to me! There may be some Drs. on here that can do a better job of explaining this than me! Bottom line is that this disease is of the body and mind. Both are important factors to understand. Because like I said earlier. Step ONE is about understanding we have a problem. To recover from anything you need to understand the problem. NOW knowing the problem....( Our bodies and mind are different than those of normal people) because we are different this makes us powerless.
Powerless = unmanagability.
Before we go on we need to talk about the "mind" of an alcoholic or drug user. What happens to us. They say that Men and Women drink/use essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol/pills. SO I have an abnormal reaction (allergy) to pills but I use (pills) anyway. WHY? That's the unmanageably of our disease. See when normal people are told they have an allergy. They stop doing whatever it is that they are allergic to. They have a bad reaction to strawberries so they stop eating them.
BUT, I have an obsession of the mind and it is so elusive that even though I am allergic my mind says: the reason I had a reaction to strawberries is because of the fertilizer they used. Or maybe my mind will say: If I had only eaten one instead of five I wouldn't have broken out in that rash. A normal person wouldn't EVER eat strawberries again. A normal persons mind would not think like that. But, I'm not normal. When I put a strawberry in my mouth (even though I brake out in a rash) I want that strawberry so bad nothing else matters.
The Big Book says: We drink because we love the way it makes us feel. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one.
Without pills or alcohol I am restless, irritable and discontented. Can you relate? Give me pills and I feel normal! That's all I can think about! So again, even knowing all this that the Dr. has told me... (and now what I have told you) I use (take a pill/go on a run) again. The book says: After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over , and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
This is where the steps come in. The steps will give us that psychic change.
any questions?

Benzerellie 12-12-2009 07:47 PM

Well that's a lot of info and it all makes sense to me, I have to get the book..Just found it online http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/ in case anyone else wants to read.

gotitang 12-12-2009 08:02 PM

Hope you join us Benzerellie on Monday! this will be fun!

OhioMike 12-12-2009 08:17 PM

Well said Tang and my story is living proof of what you shared.

In 83 though it was not a walk in the park to change my life, it was in comparison to what I went through with getting off the vicodin, even with the help of Suboxone.

Prior to discovering Suboxone I tried and tried to get off the vicodin. I used everything I had learned in the past, everything which had worked in the past, I tried news, strange ways, this way and that way ..... I only drove my daily use up higher and higher with each failure and the guilt, fear and shame sunk me lower and lower. I simply could not break loose.

I got too comfortable, I didn't do my homework, I got too far away from my support line and so on. Between that and yes, the age factor and how deep I had sunk, well my life was literally on the line.

For me, I am content without a pill, even without the Suboxone, in regard to addiction. So I feel blessed in that respect. But, today I realize more than ever before, though I do not need to spend each day worrying, I do need to cross my T's and dot my I's in staying vigilant as I do have my limitations which I have to adhere to in order to continue a happy and healthy life in recovery!

For others, they need to do more and for even others, they don't need to do as much, but, we each have to do what we need to, in order to stay vigilant for ourselves, simply because of what you so well explained.

Mike

OhioMike 12-12-2009 08:18 PM

By the way, chat begins I believe on Monday the 21st. A week from this Monday.

Mike

DARKEYES 12-14-2009 10:36 AM

Me Too
 
Quote:

Deanna said: Hi guys! I'm am really interested in joining your group. After reading all the posts here, I feel really good inside, so I know this is for me!!

And after reading the posts I feel good to, the only thing that bothers me is the WORD STIGMA. Will we ever be free from it? Will others, as well know that we work these steps without the stigma to better ourselves? I'm not sure yet, my printer has been working overtime trying to educate not just relatives but friends who think that addiction is contagious. Why is it so hard to release stigma into the realm of nothing where it belongs? I've worked for over fifteen years as an advocate (ARM), and being the director in this city now advocating for Suboxene treatment and joining this site and working the steps here. My counselor thinks its a great advantage to the road to my recovery as well as others, and I am forever thankful for being able to work the steps without stigma, in my head that word is worse than F#$%....:)

toms 12-14-2009 11:59 AM

I think that as long as humans are involved, there will be stigmas. It is so easy to dismiss hem when we are unaffected, but when we are on the receiving end, its far different. Fortunately, few environments are more caring than the program, so we can turn these problems into learning experiences.

OhioMike 12-15-2009 06:40 AM

Quote:

And after reading the posts I feel good to, the only thing that bothers me is the WORD STIGMA. Will we ever be free from it? Will others, as well know that we work these steps without the stigma to better ourselves?

As pointed out it is impossible to eradicate stigma completely, be it in the general public or within the recovery community it's self.

However, we ourselves can choose to live without letting stigma effect us. We have no control over how another is ultimately feel or form an opinion about something. If they are open to reasonable and positive interaction and conversation, them we might be able to add so influence, nevertheless in the end all we have total control over is how we let it effect us, personally.

When it comes from the recovery community it's self or loved ones, well that gets a bit tougher, but, it still falls to each of us, individually.

I can only share my personal experience and choices. I have chosen to not let it effect me. I no longer spend time spinning my wheels on those who simply choose to stay ignorant and I share openly, honestly and with understanding with those who choose to open their minds.

As time goes on I have found that in the end my actions and daily life in recovery is what speaks the loudest. Those who offer the stigma end up being stifled out and ignored by those who have chosen to grow beyond that. As it is personally frustrating at times, it is no longer a set back, nor does it dictate or alter in anyway how I choose to live my life and in the end, that is what matters and what will win out.

Negativity always gets the spot light first, that I feel is human nature, but, positive and proactive wins out and is what becomes lasting.

Mike

OhioMike 12-15-2009 07:48 AM

To redirect this thread back to it's design.

To those who have already introduced themselves and share a little about their story, thank you so much. It is nice to have a little extra understanding of each other as we begin this part of the forum and learning from each other about the steps.

To all new faces to this folder, welcome, please introduce yourself and what, if anything you would like to share about your story.

For particular step questions, please post in the designated thread for the step in question, for stigma issues in regard to local live meetings, please use the designated folder and so on.

The first live chat will be Monday the 21st as explained in the chat thread.

Have a wonderful day, be good yourselves and enjoy life in recovery!


Mike

ex-opiatelover 12-15-2009 01:19 PM

man , i wished i understood! why do i love the fast life when i know its goin to kill me before its over? i got alot on my mind today! i just need to type this so i can try to figure out! my childhood was pretty miserable! i always looked forward to goin to my grannys house! thats the only place as a kid i could find comfort an relaxation! my parents were ok i guess, i always had everything i wanted, but they only bought me things to make up for bein drunk or high, every breathin second of my life! or for cussin me out or callin me worthless , yall know shit like that! they would get waisted an argue an fight, everytime! so fast forward to about age 13! i started runnin with the wrong crowd i guess! they were into drugs heavily, stealin , runnin the streets , u know we thought we were thugs i guess! by age 15 i tried to give it up an get back right, started goin to church , got saved an baptized! was even teachin wedensday nite church service some! age 17 i fell in love with a beautiful girl! i thought she was the one! " but we all did at that age"! life was great!! i finally felt that all the hell i went through as a child had been made up for! well wrong! at age 20 i found out she was cheatin on me! wow, that crushed me! i had dated several girls but never had loved any of them! i loved her with all my heart! we split, an i turned to my buddys at work! well screw them to! i was upset alot, an two weeks after she left i got fired from my job, by my best friend! yeah right some best friend! i shouldve got that fool when i had a chance! so i lost my love an my job within two week period! i started doin drugs, or meth i should say to deal with the pain! thats all i knew to do! i never had anybody there to listen or help! well moved out or got kicked out of my parents house a short time after! so i moved in with my friend from work, not the one who fired me, this was another one! man if it wouldnt for him i wouldnt have made it yall! but 6 months to a year after that, he killed hissself! hes the one i talked about in my other posts! he hung hisself! what hurt so bad was , he called me right before he done it! i didnt answer caus i was high an didnt want to get out! i figured he was just wantin me to come over an chill or somthin! so i figured i just call him the next day! it hurt so bad caus he was there for me, an when he needed me i wouldnt there for him! i gave up after that! i couldnt live sober anymore! i looked at it as i tried so hard to be a good person, but i just kept havin shit happen to me all the time! everytime i got up i got kicked down! im sick of it! since that time ive had two more close friends die! one was a older man my dealer, an the other a girl who got in a car wreck goin to pick up her kid! what sucked was she grew up without a mom, an she always told me that she was gone be there for her kids! but god cheated her out of it! ! an people i mean these were best friends! how could i lose that many friends? why? what the hell did i do to deserve this misery an this pain? i kept it numb for years with pills, but now that i been sober for 6 months all these feelings are comin back! it hurts so bad! i dont like hurtin! im a strong man, when bad things happen im the person everyone turns to! for once i wish i had someone to turn to! ! i feel like god has screwd me, i feel like life in general has got me! im so sorry for takin up space , but really that aint even the half of what i liked to say! i know everyones got problems an im not tryin to cry about mine, i just wanted to get this off my chest!

ex-opiatelover 12-15-2009 01:33 PM

wow, as i read my post its sad ! its hard to believe that one person can have that much shit to deal with , an its suppossed to be the best years of my life! what a joke! all i can say is i sure hope the rest of my life aint like this! i wont make it! man i set in my bedroom so many nights with my pistol loaded just wantin to end it!! yeah i know thats so stupid! thank goodness i have grown up since those days!! but i kept seein my grandparents face! there my reason for livin! sorry for my post last week! i was feelin like this all wouldnt worth it! i was so depressed! but bottom line i got to keep goin! just like always i got to stay g'd up! thats all i know!

sorry for typin on this thread , i just started on the first one i seen!

gotitang 12-15-2009 08:20 PM

Hey Ex,
No worries about posting here. Alot of your story talks about step one anyway. So really you are in the right place. There is a great spirit here on this forum. By that I mean that everyone here wants recovery. This is a WE program. So I want you to know that we will do everything we can to be here for you and hopefully you will learn how to trust again. Your story is full of pain. I get that. I am not sure exactly why addicts seem to suffer so much pain. My guess is that God knows we are really tough! If there was ever a group of people that takes a punch and gets up everytime for more, it is an addict/alcholic. We fight even when we know we are going to lose. lol
The good news though, is this. That same fighting spirit can be directed to do good! We have the power to get through to people when no one else does! By our actions and our humility and our compassion and empathy people gain hope. Your story is powerful. It has alot of painful memories. Our job today in recovery is to take those painful times and use them to grow.
The steps are what clear the path. The steps take us through those times (however painful they are) and give us new perspective on them. The steps do not illiminate the pain...because that pain makes us human....but, they teach us to live in a whole new light of that pain. Life continues...the good times and the bad. We wouldn't be human without them. But, going through the steps give's us a design for living.
Remember this....your story is powerful. The best books I've ever read were autobiographies about people who triumphs over pain. People who turned there pain into a way to help others. I have shed many tears through the power of someone else's journey. I've gained growth from people in the program that turned there life around by living the steps design. I always say when I grow up I want to be just like _____ you fill in the blank. You must have somebody that has triumph over adversity. For me it was a man named Jim McCall. He just recently passed away BUT had 23 years sober. This man taught me how to walk this design everyday of my life. He taught me that pain doesn't kill us. IT passes. He said things like sometimes all we can do is stand still and hurt! WOW...really? It is true. Sometimes, I have to do just that. But, What a gift.
This program is powerful. It takes all of us together to get through life. And that my friend is a gift. No more having to man up and do things alone! Okay!
I am glad you are here! I hope you join our step study and get to some meetings and find a sponsor and get to work. Living sober with no tools is tough. Suboxone is just a small fraction of what is available in recovery. I'm glad you shared.



toms 12-16-2009 09:37 AM

The steps are what free us from a lot of our internal garbage and the conflicts they trigger. We do them as best we can at any point in time. I think each of us has a few problems that cause us so much shame, guilt, and anger that we feel as though we can never break free.

It took me years to discover that answers to all these tough questions were resolved through working the steps. I was especially skittish about Steps 4-5. I balked, procrastinated, spent lots of wasted time thinking of "how to do it right". It wasn't until (during rehab) I was forced to put pen to paper and tried that I got any benefit. I was told that we do the best we can at the point in time, then moved forward. I did my Fifth Step with the chaplain, who then told me that I need never worry about that crap again. He (also an alkie) explained that some folks choose to repeat the process when and if they thought of things that had not been covered. Doing those things made me feel much different, and in a positive way.

Reading through those twelve steps in the beginning, I was convinced that they sounded good, but certainly would not work for me (I was different, and my problems could not be solved with them). I believe being overwhelmed at the beginning is universal among newcomers. Learning to set those feelings aside, and making an honest and ongoing attempt to work the steps is the answer!

ex-opiatelover 12-16-2009 11:46 AM

thanks gottitang! i appreciate that!!

OhioMike 12-16-2009 02:03 PM

Hi Ex & welcome ................. Hey your post is in the right place, the welcome thread, so as Tang said, no worries!

Thanks so much for sharing as you did and I'm glad that your looking forward to this!

Chat more later.

Mike

Benzerellie 12-18-2009 03:07 PM

30 days clean today!!! Woot Woot

Benzerellie 12-18-2009 05:52 PM

Unbelievable how hard it is to find good treatment for this disease, someday soon (hopefully) the medical institutions will better understand this drug and learn how well it saves lives. Thank god for the naabt.org and addictionsurvivors.org for their hard work and diligence for making sure people are educated and providing mulitiple avenues for people to find a doctor that will help... Thank you Nancy for doing what you do!!

Ben

OhioMike 12-18-2009 07:22 PM

BEN! .............. Congratulations on 30 days!

Your off to a GREAT start!

Mike

gotitang 12-27-2009 11:18 PM

Ex....How you doing buddy? We are here for you if you need to vent! Okay!

ex-opiatelover 12-29-2009 03:59 PM

hi gotitang! its been miserable! ive scrrewed up majorly again! im makin it though! what is crazy is , everything thats has happened recently was triggered by me tryin to help someone! i dont know it was a wierd situation , but anyway thank u for your kind words! an yeah i guess i really need some prayer right now! because im on the verge of throwing everything i have worked for since july 20th! {my quit date} away!!.

OhioMike 12-29-2009 07:21 PM

Hi ex ............. I don't know what's going on, but, please, please, don't give up on yourself and your recovery!

Your in my prayers and if we here can help in any way, please let us.

Mike

ax11779 01-09-2010 09:03 AM

Hi my name is Lisa. I have been an addict for almost 30 years. I started like most of us with pot and beer. I have always been insecure and fell right into the bad crowd..I eventually graduated to drugs and alcohol. Soon I was shooting heroin. I have been in and out of rehabs and detoxs. I have always tried to find out why I am an addict and always tried to blame my past. When I was 9 I was abducted and abused for 11 hrs. There i said it. I have PTSD from it as well as other issues. I also have a crazy mom and an even worse dad. So they are to blame for my addiction. Nope their not. There came a point where i had to realize that I was an adult and what had happended to me as a kid as bad as it was was no ones fault but the pig who took me. I realized that i was viewing the world through the eyes of that 9 year old girl. My actions and my behaviors reflected those of a 9 year old. Instant gratification, temper tantrums and spiteful behavior worked when i was little but no longer worked as an adult. I needed to change the way i reacted to things. i needed to understand that just because i wanted something (drugs) doesnt mean i can have it. I want a new car but i cant just go out and get one. It meant growing up. that is where i learned a little self control. When i wanted to get high i had to say to myself im an adult now and i cant do those things anymore. I needed to curb the desire for instant gratification. It took a long time and a lot of failure but with the help of the sub i can control my cravings which are now not bad at all. I watched a story where a kid was abused. He stood in front of the judge to tell what happened, the judge refered to him as a victim. He became an adult and stood in front of that same judge as a criminal. I think back at who i was before my assault and i was a straight A student with a perfect attendance record. I had lots of friends. I was a normal little girl. After the assault i stopped going to school. I would cut out and I failed everything and got left back. Didnt that suggest to someone that something was wrong? No it didnt. My mother ended up abandoning us that same year to run off with a "horse jockey" to saratoga. She left us in the care of a prostitute who stayed approximately 5 minutes after my mother left. My father would pick us up every weekend for two weekends until he realized something was wrong. He took us to live with him and my step mother. whole nother story there. I can write and write and write but the bottom line is is that i struggle everyday with addiction. not just the drugs either, i am addicted to alot of different things, chaos is one of them. I do real well in chaotic situations. I am calm and i solve the problem. When everything is good and quiet thats when it gets crazy for me. I try my hardest everyday to work on my issues. I accepted that i am powerless over drugs. I do beleive that a power greater than myself can restore my sanity.I still have a lil trouble with the "will" thing though i beleive that no matter what it is i want if its not GODs wiil i aint getting it. I take a moral inventory everyday. Most of the time i can admit when im wrong. Thaks for reading Lisa

juststarting 01-21-2010 11:10 AM

Thanks for this information, I was wondering how I was going to go to NA and be on medication. Now I learn about steps without stigma. It is great to know others are going through the same things and can let other people know how to deal with it.:)

Even though I am just starting suboxone I am 56 years old and thought I had this under control a long time ago. My mother and I am not blaming her starting giving me pills at a young age. Before I knew it I was taking a pill everytime something went wrong or I was not "feeling" too good. I was blessed with a beautiful daughter at the age of 44. I had to put her in school (i was told i could not have childern) at the age of 3. I found a job and hated every moment of it but it was money. I found fast friends. They loved to pop pills. Before I knew I was in deep trouble. Always trying to find a High. Well, I lost that job (as well as my friends) and I started using anything I could get my hands on. Thankfully, I wanted a better life for my daughter and I went to get help in 2002. Then in 2004 I had developed strep double pneumonia. I was not supposed to live through the night. I was in and induced coma for a month and a half. Went to a second hospital for three weeks to get the trach out of my throat and start breathing on my own. Went to another hospital to learn to eat , walk and talk again. I was on pain medication but when I really got well I continued on it. Now it is 2010 and I want it to stop. I am teaching my daughter so she will understand and not go through the same things. I just discovered this forum and love it. Thank you to all of you.
:):)

toms 01-21-2010 12:09 PM

Hello, juststarting! It is never too late to recover. You have made the decision to pursue treatment to help you stop abusing opiates. Suboxone can stop the physical symptoms so that you can get busy with recovery work. Glad to see you here!

Steve61 01-21-2010 05:23 PM

Hello Everyone
 
My name is Steve and I'm glad to be a part of the group.

My recovery journey started in 1984. That's when I went to my first meeting. I was 22 years old. I remember back to when I was 14. At that time I told myself I was never going to drink and was certainly never going to use drugs. I wanted to play sports. Well obviously that's not what happened. I started drinking at 16. The sports thing didn't work out as I'd hoped. It wasn't long after that I was smoking pot as well. I found the "stoner" crowd was a lot more accepting of me than trying to compete (and fail) with the "jocks". By 18 I'd drooped out of high school in my senior year and just went to work. I'd been working since I was 14 anyway. It wasn't long before I was willing to try, and did, most everything.the first time I remember thinking I may have a problem was when I was 21. I had $5 and was at the store trying to decide whether to buy something to eat or beer. I bought the beer and on the way home I wondered if that meant I may have an alcohol problem. But by then drinking and drugging were just a way of life. I'm not going to go into how many jobs I lost, the times I disappointed and hurt my parents, and opportunities I messed up. I'd just gone through (or was going through) the break up with my first wife. She left with the guy who was supposed to have been my best friend. I felt like I had the right to get as loaded as I wanted whenever I wanted. Enough about that. I'm getting into more of a 4th step area. Let me just say that I ended up in a lot of places I never dreamed I would. The physic ward and detox being just a few.

I only went to a few meetings in '84. I did talk to a guy who was willing to be my sponsor. I didn't talk to him again after that until 2 years later when I went to my first inpatient treatment center for 30 days in '86. Cocaine and alcohol became my "drugs of choice". The only thing I didn't get hooked on or have much experience wit, was opiates. If there had been nothing else and I wasn't in the habit of being up for days at a time, i probably would have. But in a reality my DOC was just MORE. More of whatever would get me to the place I wanted (needed) to be - oblivion. The reality of my life and I did not go hand in hand. I needed to live some where else in order to survive. I sometimes believe that drugs and alcohol actually kept me alive long enough to get help. My recovery or abstinence only lasted about 6 months and then it got real bad. 3 more years of torture. Especially the last year or so.

In '89 I went to treatment again and this was to be the last time for many years. I completed a 21 day inpatient program and went to a recovery house for 60 days immediately after that. When that was finished it was meetings, meetings and more meetings. It was in one of those meetings that I met a guy who in his terms "put" me through the steps. We then started dong the same with others. I would try to get anyone I could to sit down and let me go through the Big Book with them. In short I sponsored and helped many others go threw the steps, went to 1000's of meetings and stayed "sober" (that's the term I choose to use because it's short and to the point) for the next 17 years. I met my wife in AA. She'll have 18 years in April.

Things were going good then as a result of a routine life insurance exam I found out that I hadn't quite made it through all the drinking and drug use as well as I thought. I was diagnosed with Hep C and it was fairly far advanced. I was wondering why I felt so tired and had these weird aches and pains. Also after my last knee surgery I developed what was later to be diagnosed as Restless Leg Syndrome and it was being aggravated to a torturous degree by the virus. After trying a number of different things that didn't work, the DR I had at the time prescribed Vicodin and it worked for the RLS. I wasn't too concerned because I'd had 4 different occasions when after knee surgeries I'd taken Vicodin and never had a problem. But I'd never had to take it for a prolonged period of time. I took it for about a year and was then taken off. But in looking back it did something to me. Then I went into Interferon treatment for a year for the Hep C. The only thing that would give me any relief from the side effects of the interferon was opiates. So again I was on them for a year. then stopped. But this time and I should say last time as well it was hard for me and I did have withdrawals. But from that point on I could not get them out of my mind. How good I felt, etc., etc.,. In looking back I know that the insanity had set it. In my mind which was scrambled from all the drugs of the Hep C tx and the one's I took for the sides.

Then 4 years ago I developed a severe case of tendinitis in both elbows. I could barely work and couldn't raise my arms enough to lift a fork to my mouth or brush my hair. So I "found" vicodin on my own. Didn't even try going to the DR. Obviously I wanted to be on pain killers. I did it with only the slightest thought of what I was doing was wrong let alone dangerous for me. And like usual it took more and more. I found myself in the state we all do, total preoccupation, doing and spending whatever was needed to get them so I wouldn't have to go threw WD's and of course stay loaded although that's not what my head was telling me. I had all sorts of justifications. Then, because the Vic's weren't working I found Methadone. In the last year or so
before finally getting sober again I also started drinking. In the end I was drinking, taking Methadone, Xanax, and Lorazipan when I could get it, all at the same time plus Ambien before bed because I couldn't sleep. I was a mess. My wife didn't know all of what I was doing, other than the drinking until the last 5 months of my using. It was September of '08 when I could finally take it no longer and told her what was going on. I also got a DUI on a .04. I WA state .08 is the legal limit. Thank god the didn't pee or blood test me. It took until Jan '09 before I could get on Sub. The first DR wouldn't treat me because of the Methadone. I was taking 60 - 80 mgs a day and he said I needed to be at 30. It took 5 months to get weaned down off the methadone and switched over to Oxycontin so I could get on Sub. I also had to get off the benzo's.

It that last year I can't tell you how many times I tried to quit or cut down. Many, many days during that 3 years my old recovery would push through just enough to make me see the truth of what I was doing and knew that I needed to stop, but I couldn't. No matter how much I wanted to, how badly my family needed me to, I couldn't do it. I cursed and asked myself 100's of times, "How could it let this happen?" It was miserable. I had never experienced powerlessness in the way I did those last few years. Each time I saw it, each time i failed, it made me feel worse and of course what do we do when we feel bad? USE more. It was a never ending and horrible cycle.in the end I was a guy chasing my tail in the hope that I would catch it so I could kiss my ass good-bye! The euphoria was gone. I was living only to not be sick.

I'll never forget the first time I went to the DR to get help (Sub) and he told me there was nothing he could do for me. I felt the the gates of hell had just clanged shut behind me. Not to mention I'd just spent $400 for what seemed to be nothing. But I did it. Found a different DR and here I am with a little over a year of addiction free life.

All in all I've been sober 18 out of the last 21 years. Mike mentioned in his intro that when he started using again he took up right where he left off. I've found that recovery takes up where it left off also. I've "cleaned house again" and now live in 10, 11, and 12 like I did before with one huge exception - I now know powerlessness in a way I've never known thanks to opiates. I've healed in areas I didn't even know needed to be healed. I've forgiven myself and, though I means a lot to me when I get it, I'm not Dependant on the forgiveness, acceptance, and understanding of others. :)

I'm now doing better than I ever have in recovery. The chink in my armor was exposed and luckily for me I lived through it. Things could have turned out so much worse. My wife told me after a few months of being back on track how scared she was in those last few months. Because of the lethal combo I was taking, she wouldn't let our 8 yr old son come in to wake me up for fear of finding that I'd died in my sleep. All the nights wondering if I was going to make it home without killing myself or someone else driving while so intoxicated. All this has giving me a greater appreciation of recovery and a very healthy respect of opiates and the effect they have on me. I'm not like other people when it comes to drugs and alcohol and I know it. I knew it before but didn't put opiates in the same category. It's called an allergy in the DRs opinion. I don't know what it is for sure, only that I have and I always will. No amount of "willpower" can over come it. Will has nothing really to do with it and it won't go away with time. That's the essence of the first step. it's not a "moral" issue. It's a type of insanity that sets in once drugs/alcohol are put into my body. it's even more dangerous if done for any considerable length of time.

That was waaaay too long. :eek: Sorry. Thankfully I won't have to do it again on here. That's my story. Readers digest version anyway. I look forward to participating. Hopefully I can be of help and I'll try to keep it brief. :rolleyes:

toms 01-25-2010 04:47 PM

It seems the discussion of the steps and traditions is pretty light. Of course, given that I'm on the computer most of the day and have other things to do in the evenings, I miss the chat discussions. I'm wondering what everyone would think about discussing the promises and the slogans?

I've always found the promises to be a great motivator. No one wants to slog through recovery as if it is all work with the only benefit being freedom from use. The promises have helped me to keep going with the knowledge that, they will come to pass if I keep working the steps. The slogans are also helpful....the simple little cliches, that sound so easy, have so much relevance to my day-to-day living.

mynewlife69 02-04-2010 10:55 AM

Hello Everyone. My name is Ryan and I suffer from opiate addiction.
I have the same old song and dance of partying to much starting at age 16 in 2001 and it turning into a full blown addiction to oxycontin and morphine. In the beginning it was mainly just marijuana and alcohol untill February 2004 when I tore my acl and meniscus ligaments in my right knee. I was given tons and tons of hydrocodone. It took away the physical pain and emotional pain i was in. My Mom died in August '03 and i had guilt, anger, and sadness from her untimely death. When I first took hydrocodone it was just pure ecstasy. After I ran out of those i was buying pretty much any opiate i could buy off the street. Over the years i had developed such a tolerance that the only way i could afford my addiction and keep from hurting was to buy poppy pods off of the internet and make a tea out of it. I tell ya its really nasty and has destroyed my stomach. I have tried quitting many times over the past 2.5 to 3 yrs unsuccessfully. I tried the methadone for a while but it was just like replacing one drug for another as i still felt cloudy and "high". I tried detoxing with clonidine and ativan but it only worked for about 20 days or so as the monster in my head craved its fix. It was about last yr this time when I first heard about suboxone. My friend seemed to be doing good with it. Over the next few months I did more and more research on it as my friends continued success continued to amaze me(this guy was an iv user who i thought would eventually die with a needle in his arm who wanted no help at all). I kept thinking if he can I surely can. He stopped taking suboxone in August last year and hasn't relapsed once. He had virtually no withdrawals from it whatsoever with his tapering off. Ive only been on suboxone for six days now but I feel so normal I cant even describe it. I was fortunate enough to get a good job in Dec. 2008 and have managed to keep it. I bout a house with my fiancee last May. It's like I havent even realized what I have and how blessed I am for the past 7-8 years. The past few days its like I walk around and see some of the stuff I have and the family that loves me and haven't even noticed.

What I have seen from my friend and how I feel in the first 6 days makes me feel as though suboxone is truly a godsend. I know that buprenorphine alone will not cure my addiction but with my family and meetings and the newfound appreciation I have for life I know suboxone will be a huge help in me getting back on the road to a great life.

Thank you all so much for your postings and help. Ryan

toms 02-04-2010 11:41 AM

Hello, Ryan....and welcome!

NancyB 02-04-2010 12:37 PM

Hi Ryan, welcome. Congratulations on not only getting your life back, but also knowing that taking the medication is not the way to go.

I'm going to copy your posts, and Tom's and mine to the Welcome Room forum also, so more people will see it there.

Congratulations, look forward to hearing more from you.

Nancy


Here's the link:
http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vb...ad.php?t=23656

gotitang 02-07-2010 10:29 AM

Welcome Ryan...Glad you are :)here and I hope you keep posting!

gregcent 02-25-2010 08:48 AM

hello my name is greg- i have been taking 6- 8 perc 10's evryday for about 2 years along with alcohol_ i want to stop and do not want to teke suboxen__ is this possible-- is this the right place for me(this website)__ what can i expect as far as side effects__ i feel like i can do it__ just want to be sure of the road ahead

toms 02-25-2010 10:28 AM

Hello, Greg, and welcome! By all means, stopping without meds is always the preferred method. I suggest you speak to your doc, and make a call to your local AA or NA hotline. It doesn't cost anything, is completely anonymous, and will put you in touch with some of the finest, most supportive people you will ever meet. Most of them, you will never know more than their first name, and they will do most anything to help you get and stay sober.

Keep coming back here, of course!

OhioMike 02-25-2010 05:01 PM

Hi Greg, not only do I agree with Tom's that it is possible to stop with out the help of a medical aid, but frankly, that is the best way if you can do it.

First, Welcome and we are here to help you and to offer support to you!

You seem to be battling two things which actually work in much the same fashion, alcohol and opiates.

You can taper off the opiates, but, before getting into that, could you please share how much alcohol your drinking daily, for how long and if possible, could you please share you past efforts at trying to get into recovery and making it in recovery?

IMO, as Toms shared, AA is the first best step. You will meet people who have been there, done it and who understand. Those you meet who offer you their phone number are doing so because they really mean it, they mean, call me if you are in trouble!

And you have this forum and chat to help you.

Have faith my friend, there is life after this disease and you can make it!

Mike

kgb623 02-26-2010 01:02 PM

Hello, new to the board (posted a hello thread over in the welcome section).. I just want some feedback on what people have done/thought about going to NA meetings on Suboxone. I've only been to a few NA meetings because I'm heavily involved in my IOP right now 12hrs per week, so its been hard to get out for extra meetings working full time, trying to repair my relationship with my wife and raise a 2 yr old daughter. I think I'm somewhat hesitant to jump head first into the NA/12 step program knowing that there is a stigma associated with suboxone treatment. I haven't mentioned it in NA yet, so there's also that feeling like I'm lying/hiding stuff again. I've found a good group near my house that seems to have some solid, good, sober people at it and I don't want to F up a good thing by spilling the beans on the subs. When I get more involved and get a sponsor I suppose I'll have to tell him, it would be pointless to go into that kind of relationship hiding stuff.. Anyone have any NA/sub experiences to share?

toms 02-26-2010 01:27 PM

Going to support groups (NA and/or AA) is a vital part of a good recovery program. Just know that NA has some goofy "stance" on methadone (and I assume suboxone), which says they pretty much reject these treatments. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop, no one requires you to divulge your medical history or medications. If you choose to make this stuff known, you'll have to live with a lot of BS from self-righteous jerks. Its a common complaint, but look at it this way: would you feel the need to discuss any other medical condition or med? Why should addiction treatment be any different than any other disease?

gregcent 02-27-2010 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OhioMike (Post 364685)
Hi Greg, not only do I agree with Tom's that it is possible to stop with out the help of a medical aid, but frankly, that is the best way if you can do it.

First, Welcome and we are here to help you and to offer support to you!

You seem to be battling two things which actually work in much the same fashion, alcohol and opiates.

You can taper off the opiates, but, before getting into that, could you please share how much alcohol your drinking daily, for how long and if possible, could you please share you past efforts at trying to get into recovery and making it in recovery?

IMO, as Toms shared, AA is the first best step. You will meet people who have been there, done it and who understand. Those you meet who offer you their phone number are doing so because they really mean it, they mean, call me if you are in trouble!

And you have this forum and chat to help you.

Have faith my friend, there is life after this disease and you can make it!

Mike



drinking beer__ 6-8 per day__ i am trying to taper off the percs__ i dont even enjoy drinking__ it is only for the high with the pills

OhioMike 03-01-2010 03:25 PM

Hey Greg, ......... Tapering off the percs can be done. This disease is two fold, part a biological grab on us and a mental and emotional one. The taper process can help ease the blow of the biological one, but, the mental and emotional is where the battles line are drawn and where we make our last stand.

Though only you can make recovery happen for you, ........... you cannot do it alone and IMO we cannot limit our options of help.

I like the AA program and it has helped me, so I always suggest it. It is a solid peer support program. Not only does it help teach you ways to deal with this disease, but just as importantly you build a new social foundation which your going to need.

Also I strongly recommend professional therapy. A good addiction therapist can help you develop good tools quickly which will help you and longer term tools to keep you on a safe path.

So both have their place in your endeavor and both peer support and professional support will offer you the things you need to beat this beast for good.

The finale thing your going to need and its a big one, is one very trusted soul to manage your percs for you. Its important that you really trust them, but, it is also more important that they can say NO to you. So when you start whining that you need just one more perc for that day, they can say no. They need to be able to say no to you no matter what line of BS you hit them with.

You guys sit down, write out a taper plan and stick to it. oh you can leave a little, very little room early on to adjust it some, but, other than that, stick to it.

As for the drinking, stop it before you begin to taper off the percs and don't go back to it, as you might use it for the buzz your going to be wanting!

The other options is stopping cold turkey and not tapering off the percs, in which case your going to be sick for about a week and then you will begin to gain some life back, little by little.

No matter what, eat well, stay hydrated, stay very active. No matter what, stay active. Take supplements which can help with things like angry, focus and calmness.

Stay alert for things like anxiety and depression. If they begin to set in, get to a doctor. And no idle time, stay busy, busy, busy as idle time will bite us!

Build a support line and us them, all the time!

Mike

wanttogetsober 04-04-2010 09:55 AM

Hi I'm Michelle and I am and addict,

I have several other posts but I'm really looking forward to begening my "steps", I am new to suboxone but not to recovery, I just have felt like a fake sitting in my womans group or working the steps while I still took pills, yes it was only at a dose so I didn't get sick and under the care of my dr, while I waited for my sub dr to have a opening but still couldn't start out on a lie didn't seem to have a point. My DOC was oxycodone 15's. It started out after surgery but I noticed that when I took them I turned into superwoman I could do everything I thought I was suppose to do. Just wanted to say hi before I start working the steps, by they way I have attend a local meeting and they really didn't like the fact I was on sub, actually said I was putting people in jepordery really?

OhioMike 04-04-2010 11:53 AM

WTGS, if your working on healing yourself and improving your situation, then your not fake or a phoney!

Recovery comes in many different shapes and sizes and your path will be different from everyone else's, as will mine and the next persons.

Please join us for Step Chat tomorrow night, it has been very productive and enjoyable.

Mike

wanttogetsober 04-08-2010 08:34 PM

Thanks Mike,

What does WTGS mean? I hope to beable to start joining Chat, but I'm west coast which makes a big time difference thinks that puts me right at dinner time ect and with a 3years of my own , and the almost 3 years I nanny for dinner time is a little crazy plus I require that we all eat together with no tv computer ect, as IMO families need a time to catch up and enjoy each other.

OhioMike 04-09-2010 06:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wanttogetsober (Post 369080)
Thanks Mike,

What does WTGS mean? I hope to beable to start joining Chat, but I'm west coast which makes a big time difference thinks that puts me right at dinner time ect and with a 3years of my own , and the almost 3 years I nanny for dinner time is a little crazy plus I require that we all eat together with no tv computer ect, as IMO families need a time to catch up and enjoy each other.


lol oh I'm sorry, I used WTGS to abbreviate your screen name. :)

I sure agree with you about families and dinner time. It doesn't seem like that happens enough as it should for many. I think its wonderful that you set that time aside and that will harvest fruits which all the money in the world cannot buy! Good for you and your family! ;)

Hey listen, just use the step forum then. We are all here to support each other the best we can!

Mike


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