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-   -   Sam. (http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=30226)

Millie 01-12-2016 01:52 PM

I've seen trailers for The Revenant and just keep thinking about how stressful it would be to watch. My husband likes that kind of thing, so I'll gladly see it, but it makes me nervous.

If you ever feel starved for rain, come on up and visit. We've got more than enough to go around, and usually spread it out so it's not all at once.

gmasusie 01-12-2016 11:36 PM

Sam, I hope that soon my son and I will enjoy calm, sober time together. He is trying. You sound good.

Sam Bailey 01-13-2016 11:58 AM

Hey Susie,

I hope so too, that you and your son soon enjoy that sober time.

I doubt I have to tell you this, but during those years that my son was drinking so heavily, especially during his last couple of years, there were times, many of them!, when I really didn't know what to do.

I was angry, sure. But more than that, I was scared to death. Deeply afraid, his Mom and I were, that he would NEVER wake from his nightmare.

And even beyond that, I was just so, so sad. Clearly, my son was an unhappy person. And the solution to solving his unhappy state was booze. Yet it was that very thing that he used to deliver himself from his pain that was causing him more pain.

Come this February, Noah will be 18 months clean 'n sober. And yes, yes!, I am so grateful for that, so thankful for that.

Yet I know that this entire addiction dealio, whether booze or (as in my own case) narcotics, is a one day at a time thing. Cliché maybe, but we really do have just today.

So while I am delighted that my son is so clearheaded, I continue to worry. I continue to fear for him. That "dark place" inside him, that "hole in his belly?" How I hope and pray that he has found, is finding, his way out of that pain.

Anyway. Thanks, Susie.

I too hope you and your son will soon enjoy that sober time world.

Whatever you do, keep loving him, no matter what.

best,

sam

Alexis 01-22-2016 06:39 PM

Sam how are you? Thanks for your support <3

I think of you all the time. Peace xx

iamtrying 01-23-2016 10:54 AM

Sam ..hope things are going ok...

I have read some of your best writings here....thank you for your support...

Alexis 01-31-2016 06:15 PM

Sam how you doing? xx

lostdog 01-31-2016 06:23 PM

Best wishes to Sam the talented kind man.

R. Lee 02-01-2016 03:23 PM

Thanks for everything Sam. You are so supportive to everyone here. You Rock!!

Millie 02-04-2016 10:36 AM

Okay Sam, how are you?

Tryntryagain 02-06-2016 06:46 AM

Good afternoon dear Sam. Bright blessings to you.

How the devil are you? and how is Mrs Sam? I have been reading your letters on others various journeys and "put them altogether" the love within you is unrivaled.

I have seen into the world you once had almost without you needing to talk about it. Your honest awareness helps me at least find my way to wisdom with patience. It also shows me that no matter what....all of us can live a full and wondrous life even if at times the wind does blow bringing with it a bully of clouds, yet we overcome. Everytime. We are survivors.

Each one of us makes the other one so.

There is one special difference that sobriety really should be praised for more....humour. To laugh, to giggle, to bellow out loud dear boy, is a gift in itself. Each time i am stuck on my journey and seem not to see what is infront of me, you introduce it shall we say,it a way that makes me laugh so. I share your pain and understand your laughter comes from that.

That is priceless.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dear Sam

Millie 02-08-2016 02:54 PM

Sammmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

If you have clouds, we might be able to help them dry up a little. This group is full of that, you know. Well, not hot air, as that may have sounded. More like rain-busting love...

Sam Bailey 02-08-2016 06:28 PM

Hey Folks

Millie, sorry for being so tardy in replying (uh, not replying) to all the kind comments posted on this thread---the one YOU built for me, you good and decent and sweet person!

I'm sure I'll soon snap out of this crappy funk I'm currently in. It's not one of those "dark clouds" that sometimes stalks us all, each after the other. It is a cloud though, if I'm honest.

I should mention, I suppose, that there have been some changes at the ol Sam Clan Homestead. Nothing dramatic, really. Nothing troublesome. Nothing sad, except whatever is roiling inside of me.

One thing, a good thing, is that my son recently accepted a new job. Oh boy, it's been a long time since he's worked full time. Years. And we're all delighted, and so thankful, that this good thing has happened.

Thing is, the house is now empty, but for Ruby and me. During the day, I mean. Now of course this is precisely how it should be! Right?! Yes!

And goodness knows, I have plenty of 'stuff going on to stay busy.

Yet, I'm lonely. For Noah? Yes I am. But (again) if I'm honest, there's more to my melancholy than just his absence.

I fear that if I even ATTEMPTED to describe all my melancholic ways I would bore you all into a permanent coma. Nonetheless. Maybe I'll take a stab at it, at some of those dreary ways, another time.

Just not now.

Another thing? I know how lucky I am. I know this. I do. Yet every moment, the shadows creep closer. WTH!

I should have my damn head examined. Ha!

Anyway.

Thank you all, You Princes of Maine, You Kings of New England.

best,

sam

Millie 02-08-2016 07:02 PM

Thanks for writing, Sam. Do feel free to attempt to bore us with whatever's on your mind, of course, whenever you feel like it. If you feel like it.

I hear it's possible to get SAD even when the sun is shining...

but then, I also know all about melancholy for what can feel like not a lot of rational reasons. I saw a mouse at the grocery store the other day (kept it a secret, of course, because I didn't want anyone to hurt the poor little guy, so tiny and alone...) and suddenly the fate of the world was on my shoulders and I lost my s*** entirely. YAY FEELINGS. Funny how we can get so caught up in what we "should" be feeling about this or that, it can fold right on in on itself and become something other than it really is.

Anyhow. I hope your funk lifts soon. Please keep checking in as you're able, if you don't mind. We, I, care about you.

lostdog 02-08-2016 09:05 PM

Sam, Millie said it well and yes, please vent, it helps and you are worth listening too. You are also a really good writer and I like to see you post. Take care and may your days be bright.

Alexis 02-14-2016 02:01 PM

Sam, how you doing? I miss you x

Millie 02-22-2016 04:59 PM

Bumping this up a little. Sam, how are you?

Alexis 02-26-2016 07:34 AM

miss you x

Alexis 03-02-2016 06:10 PM

Hows the knees Sam?! x

Tryntryagain 03-04-2016 08:50 AM

Good afternoon dearest Sam. Bright blessings to you.

Yes, indeedy.

Your love so refreshingly honest and your intentions so beautifully noble, so you end your letters to me with "Your friend Sam".

The times you chose for interventions are timings of a wise and experienced fellow. I care little about all that malarkey, i just "luv ya ta bits man innit", (as us Londoners tend to say), and you are more than a friend to me, and to the rest of our brothers and sisters here.

You have the perfect balance between, "shucks that's life"....and reaching deeply into another ones soul.

You certainly reach and touch mine.
Very, very special.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dearest Sam

gmasusie 03-04-2016 09:44 PM

Sam, I sometimes think that only other alcoholics can understand the malaise you describe. My dad used to call it melancholia. I hope it lifts along with the cold weather. Love you.

Alexis 03-14-2016 08:39 AM

How you doing Sam, missing you lots xx

Sam Bailey 04-03-2016 02:06 PM

Hi Folks!

What a glorious Sunday Morning in Los Angeles, it is glorious indeed. So much for so many to be grateful for. I feel those blessings regularly. Not always though, no. I still glimpse moments of darkness, those frightening ghosts from my past. Yet today, a shadowy glimpse is okay. Not great, but tolerable.

See, I know, I really do know!! that I can deny it permanence in my life, these dark moments, unlike too many of those terrible times during my bad old days.

Today, I can defend against that heartpain. I can. I and my Higher Power, whom I call God. That's God with a great ol capital "G!" Ha!

Life happens though; it moves forward still. Nothing we can go to stop it. Both the good.....and the not so good.

This past week, I had my bestest/favoritest grandson (now 15) spend the entire week with us. Good Lord, what a blessing that was! So much fun; so many cool things we did, so darn tired I am now. Ha!

Yet good in every way.

My brother-in-law, older by just a few months, also visited for a couple of days during this time. He's a good man, a generous man and his sister (Mrs. Sam) loves him to pieces. We also had a blast. But then, he wasn't feeling well. Not fully. It's his heart.

Then yesterday, after he had flown home to Mass, he ended up in the ER, then on the operating table where, of a sudden, he began to fade away. Other words, he began to die.

In the last few minutes before he was pronounced dead, he was brought back to life. A miracle? I don't know. Maybe not. Maybe just good docs and good medicine.

In any case, he survived.

My point? Truth is, I don't really know.

William Styron wrote in his magical book, "Sophie's Choice" (among many magical observations), how can it be reconciled that one person can be standing in a gas chamber in Auschwitz during the holocaust about to die a horrible death while, at the SAME damn time!, another person can be drinking an ice cold root beer at an A and W Root Beer Stand in small town America?

How is that even conceivable? Much less fair on some cosmic level?

Now, no, NO! I'm not comparing those two events, the Styron story and my recent week. Yet, the similarities give me pause. I was having so much fun with my beautiful grandson, not a care in the world. But then, at/near the same time, a man we all love was in the hospital dying.

Two separate events, separate in all ways, happening at the same time. Good and Evil coexisting?

Thing is, how is a person supposed to feel---knowing not that any specific thing like that is happening, likely we do not know. Yet we do know that events like that are regularly happening to some people, somewhere. People ARE suffering while we sip a coke with ice.

Anyway. So I'm at my doctor re my knee dealios and this subject comes up. Just a brief talk, and what does he do? Offers me Ambien for sleep issues and Xanax for stress.

And that, IDK simply strikes me as cosmically funny.

Sorry. I'm just...oh hell, I don't know what I'm doing. Ha!

sam

Alexis 04-03-2016 02:48 PM

Sam, really great post, makes me think a LOT. Im lucky. Ok, maybe my benefits will be taken, maybe ill hear very bad news this week, maybe ill struggle with a tiny amount of money. But people do have it worse, im lucky i have friends, and family, and for now, a roof over my head. Ill deal with the issue when/if it arises. I will try to be grateful with what i have.

Thank you Sam. I love you very much xxx

R. Lee 04-04-2016 10:33 AM

Sam, My thoughts are with you, your wife I brother in law. Great things & horrible things both happening to your family. Sounds like you are willing to live life on life's terms. Good for you. Other wise we might just drink or drug. You are a inspiration to me & others here. Love & respect, R. Lee

Millie 04-05-2016 01:11 PM

Wow, what an eventful week.

Those kinds of thoughts have plagued me in the past, causing horrible guilt about being peaceful, happy, content, about enjoying silly things...

I've had to do a LOT of work to not let it take over, and it can still be a daily struggle. Comes down to focusing on what I *can* control, and just doing as much good as I can during the short time I'm here. Not just with intentional actions, but lifestyle choices. It's still really hard though, and there are times when I see suffering and it just kills me inside knowing there's nothing that I personally can do. Meditation and yoga help, but it never fully goes away.

What is certain is that if I go down that rabbit hole of alcohol again, I will not be able to offer even the small amount of good that I am capable of, and that's a much worse guilt.

How are we supposed to feel? I sort of figure that the fact that we feel anything at all around that means that we're good people, doing as much good as we can with the information we have. I think that's more rare than we'd like to know. Some people go entire lifetimes without even considering that.

I'm glad your brother-in-law made it. I'm glad he was with people who care about him when that all happened. Here's to a peaceful, uneventful week ahead...

gmasusie 04-06-2016 12:07 AM

Sam, Wow! Life continues. Millie, I do believe that the fact that all of us here have contemplated those questions of good and evil contributes to our susceptibility to alcoholism. I believe it also contributes to our relationships on this site. Always with the bad comes the good and vice versa.

Yes, there are times when the best we can wish for is that our week is uneventful!

Love to all, Susie

Sam Bailey 04-10-2016 06:06 PM

Hey Folks!

Just a brief note on this overcast Sunday afternoon in sunny California, just a couple of thoughts I'd like to share with all of you. A note about----Hummingbirds.

I don't want to overstate my melancholia at the moment. Yet melancholia it is. It is a sadness, I feel it...but God knows it's not a heartache. No. Not a terrible one, anyway.

Yet, beyond the "lite sadness" of the event I'm about to describe, the "event" surely does remind me of what heartaches may come along in all our lives. Do come along, I guess is more accurate.

Anyway.

For the past 16-18 days, I think?, we've had this most beautiful, most incredibly built Hummingbird Nest sitting in a small tree on our front porch, just feet from our front door.

All that time, Mama Hummingbird has been sitting on her two tiny eggs, patient as could be, waiting for her babies to enter the world. We walked by her, oh, scores of times. More than that, likely.

But she didn't care, as long as we didn't get too close. We were ignored. Ha! Oh, but we looked, we Peeping Toms, always hiding behind window curtains and cracks in the door. Of course.

Then.

A week, or so, back, the eggs hatched and those little guys that came out of the eggs were, seriously, they were the tiniest creatures we'd ever seen. Nearly.

As the says passed, we watched Mama fly in, fly out, fly in again, bringing groceries home to her kids, then---going out for more. The rest of the time, she did her Mama thing and sat on them, all nestled and cozy, kept them safe and warm.

More days passed and they grew, they surely did. Amazingly fast.

Then just yesterday, my son and I saw them perched on the side of their nest, standing as still as a Llardro figurine.

Two beauties. Mom makes three. Three beautiful and wondrous creatures.

Now they're gone.

Some time in the night, last night, or early this morning, they left their safe home to, what, to live their lives, I guess. Just as they're supposed to do. Right? It's the natural order of things, isn't it?

Now the nest is empty. No life in it. Not any longer. Quiet.

So, I feel a melancholy, I do. What did I think, they were going to move in with us, become Ruby's best friends? No, of course not.

But still.

Now they're gone.

What once was so vibrant and alive is now quiet. It makes me sad, "lite sad," as I said up top. But still.

Also, it makes me think about (of course this is it, mostly all of "it") it makes me think about my kids leaving home, as my daughter has already done, taking my beautiful grandkids with her. My son, thank God, will soon be living on his own too.

All of this is the right thing, the natural order of things, of life.

But...but it is just so quiet now. Now that a part of my/our history has gone. Its just sad, "lite" or not.

Just thinking out loud, via my sticky keyboard, that is.

thanks for listening.

sam

Alexis 04-11-2016 09:01 AM

What a lovely, but very sad story Sam. Kind of beautiful too, the way you write. Kind of calm and i could picture the birds, then the emptiness.

Thanks for sharing, its got me thinking about a lot.

Love to you xxx

R. Lee 04-11-2016 09:44 AM

Sam, As I read your Hummingbird story I thought it was going to have a tragic end. I must say I was relieved with the end but I get what you were saying. Our Ruby Throat Hummingbirds should be back for the summer in the next month. I have seen their nest before but never the eggs of baby's. They are a joy to watch.

Have a great day Sam. We are blessed.

Millie 04-11-2016 02:26 PM

How beautiful. (Little PSA here to everyone: when you see a nest, it's best to not look too much, as crows and jays and other predators watch us for cues, and will eat eggs and baby birds.)

I am so glad they made it. That doesn't always happen. When I was doing bird research, my job was to find and monitor nests for ten species of songbirds. When I found nests, I went back weekly to track their progress until they were empty. One week there would be chicks in the nest, the next week they'd be gone. They fledge so fast - it only takes a day or two. I never got to know whether they were preyed upon or if they'd fledged. Except once. It was a pacific slope flycatcher nest. I just happened to be there on the actual fledging day. I stayed there so long, at a good distance with my camouflage clothing and binoculars. It was so lovely I cried.

I'm sorry you're feeling melancholy. You're reminding me of how I felt when I knew my spider Geranium was gone. She'd been in one corner of my bathroom for more than a year and a half. Same spot. We had people over for new year's eve that year, and I told my guests about her so they wouldn't "take care of" that spider for us. She started being more mobile, and one day she was gone. I was so sad. But about six months later, a smaller one of the same species took up residence in the same spot, and is still there. :)

There's such beauty and pain in attachment. To critters, people, ideas...

You're so fortunate to have gotten to see such a wonderful process. And you're a good person for knowing that. Love to you, Sam.

gmasusie 04-13-2016 11:38 PM

I agree with Millie. RLee tells us to make a gratitude list. My includes that Monty and I (and Rip) had the same opportunity as you, to view the evolution of the cycle of life of hummingbirds. How many people in the world are so lucky? I feel the same way about my children. How sad that they are "gone" off in the world. How lucky I was to have them for a little while.

Monty and I fed a scrub jay (beautiful and smart blue bird of the desert) until he became quite time. He would almost get on our hands. He would literally eat out of our hands. One day I heard a crash at the picnic table, and Bridget, our 50-pound terrier, had the scrub jay in her mouth; it was all over. I grieved and had to work not to blame myself for leading the jay into the jaws of death.

At least your family went on to live their lives. Take care, Sam. Maybe the hummers will come back later in the year or next year.

Love you, Susie

Alexis 04-14-2016 01:44 PM

How you doing Sam? xx

Sam Bailey 04-17-2016 04:47 PM

Alexis,

I am well, thanks for asking. Oh sure, my knees ache, sometimes they're so achy, even painful, that they wake me during the night. Wa-Wa-Wa, right? Ha! But then, a little TLC (as in a two hand massage) and some Advil and, in a short while, I'm okay. Usually.

To be clear, I certainly don't let my achy knees stop my Running Program. They do ALTER it, though, that's a damn fact. But that's another tale-o-woe for another time.

Today I have two specific things on my poor old once-addled mind. Ha! I think.....

First, you'll recall my Hummingbird Story. Haven't seen them, Mom or kids, since that last night. And that's okay. They're out living their lives, as well they should, I'm sure.

This time the story is CROWS.

Truth is, I like crows, despite their somewhat devilish reputation. They're incredibly smart; they build and use tools to fetch food and within their species, they're quite social. Tight with their families, especially. Lots of good things to say about the crow.

Just don't get on their bad side. Cause, they also remember human faces. They do! A human face, one or more. Really. Look it up. So next time you have some crow dive bombing you while screeching who knows what curses at you, ask yourself: what did I do to that crow to piss him off so badly? HaHa!

Of course, if you feed them, if you leave, say, a shiny trinket for them, if you're "nice" to them, they can remember that too. That it was YOU who did them a solid.

Now HOW they interpret that, how they pass that info down to other generations (which they also do) and all that jazz, I surely don't know.

Yep, I like crows. But there is another point to this story.

See, a couple of nights ago, something really crappy happened to this one family of neighborhood crows. These guys, a Mom, Dad and their two babies, lived in the top of a huge palm tree across the street from my house. It's a towering thing, this palm tree---and it always sways when the wind comes up, though the wind rarely blows hard.

A slow wind, a gentle and easy sway at the top of the tree. So it seems to me.

But something happened to the wind.

It began to blow hard, really hard. And suddenly we had, for Southern California, a howling windstorm,

Santa Ana Winds Gone Wild!

So about 6:20 am, just as Mrs. Sam was leaving our driveway, bound for work, she saw Mom and Dad Crow circling low in the sky, just above the street, straight down from their nest in the palm tree.

They were clearly distraught, squawking and flying in sudden dips and turns, swooping around this one area in the street. Actually, it sounded like they were screaming. Not continuously, but every so often.

I might be imagining that. I'm not certain.

Anyway.

As Mrs. Sam looked to the street under the crows, she saw both their chicks lying in the street. Dead.

The nest was strewn all across the street. It was a goddam disaster. For the crows, that's for certain.

And as I looked at their babies, small and weak, broken and dead in the street, I thought: hell, they had no chance to survive. None. The fall likely killed them immediately, it was a couple hundred feet tall, that tree. Add to that the elements, a hard wind and a cold night, they were certainly dead before morning.

And Mom and Dad Crow could not save them. I thought this too. My God, to be so helpless. My good God, that's hard, that's cruel.

I know that animals grieve, some animals, and some animals grieve more than others. Crows have been known to stage a "funeral" for a dead family member. Why? Are they sad? Are they grieving?

I don't know. Yet whatever, animal or not, that's got to hurt, in some fashion, by some degree.

The crows, I mean---it must hurt them. But then, I do not know. I am only guessing.

For us though, my wife, my son, me---it hurt. A little. More than that, actually. At least me, I felt sad.

I wish I could have freakin saved them! Just as I wish I could save all of us.

I guess that's it. Right? That's really the whole deal. I feel as helpless and powerless as that poor Mom and Dad.

Anyway.

There is something else on that "addled mind" of mine, but not for now. Not today. maybe another time.

best,

sam

lostdog 04-17-2016 05:34 PM

Oh Sam that story is sad.I see it when you take a cow from his moma. Utter heartache.I have seen so many bird nests lots of stories, where birds did not survive because of nest location. But I have only seen probably 9/10 nests little chicks grow up to fly from the nest. I think that's why they have so many birds. I've always cared for them and prayed especially hard. Sometimes I just cry at all the animals and people who suffer everyday. Your soft heart helps me and I know it helped those birds.

gmasusie 04-17-2016 11:10 PM

We are all "Catchers in the Rye." Some say that's why we drink, because we are sensitive to the suffering in the world and recognize our helplessness. You're a good man, Sam, and so is Ms. Sam and children. I'm glad we have you here.

Love, Susie

NancyB 04-18-2016 06:30 AM

Hi Sam, have you seen this Nature documentary? I think you may enjoy it.
http://www.pbs.org/wnet/nature/a-mur...oduction/5838/

A Murder of Crows
About
Premiere date: October 24, 2010
Crows live everywhere in the world except Antarctica and are a part of myths and legends in many cultures. Their reputation in the stories varies from comical to frightening, godlike or wise, bringers of light and bringers of death, though a “murder” of crows refers to a flock of crows, and not to anything murderous, at all. They may be all these things, but what we are learning is that they are especially smart.

New research has shown that they are among the most intelligent animals on the planet. They use tools as only elephants and chimpanzees do, and recognize 250 distinct calls. One particular talent they have been discovered to possess is the ability to recognize individual human faces and pick them out of a crowd up to two years later – a trick that might make even Hitchcock shiver with fright.

They thrive wherever people live and have used their great intelligence to adapt again and again to a constantly changing world. Some memorize garbage truck routes, and follow the feast from day to day. Others drop nuts in the road and wait for passing cars to crack them open. And some build their nests from items we throw away – like wire clothes hangers.

These are social birds that mate for life and raise their young for up to five years. And they learn from each other’s misfortunes. When one is killed in a farmer’s field, it’s not uncommon for them to change entire migratory patterns so that no crows fly over that field for as long as two years.

These birds might have a scary reputation, but what may prove to be the scariest thing about them is how much they know about us, and how little we know about them!


Nancy

Alexis 04-18-2016 07:42 AM

Sam <3 you are a good soul. I have a raven tattoo on my arm, i used to hallucinate them everywhere.

I hope you feel better.

Love you xxx

R. Lee 04-18-2016 08:14 AM

Great story Sam. Have a great day.

Millie 04-18-2016 03:38 PM

Hi Sam. Thank you for telling your story. I may have mentioned this before, but crows are my Thing. I have a tattoo of one, and I just love them to bits. They take my breath away. When I was thinking about doing a Ph.D. program, it was going to be crow-based, and for a while I got to help out with capturing and banding crows. I got to hold them in my hands! That was one of the most magical, unbelievable things I've ever had the fortune to do. And when I did bird research out in the field, I was working for the foremost crow researcher in the country. I love them.

Your story is heartbreaking. Of course you know there was nothing you could have done. That's the hardest part. And I think it would be a disservice (personally) to think they don't get sad. That's a pretty basic function of our brains, which to me speaks to its oldness in our evolution. I figure any animal with a brain can get sad. It's right there as basic as pain.

A few years ago I was on my way home from a gig, and I saw a crow in the middle of the street. We pulled over, and my husband walked over to it... it was alive, but broken. So I carried it on my lap, and we drove to a neighboring city, to a 24-hour veterinarian that had a connection with a wildlife rehab center. We left it there, and I was just so sad for it. I think it had been hit by a car. When I called the next day, they let us know that it had not made it. I imagine they'd had to euthanize it. At least it was no longer suffering.

Wow, sorry to add more sad. So often when I'm out and about and I see an animal living among our constructions and our trash and our general disregard, I get so sad about what they have to deal with because of us. The human guilt runs deep. I'm so sorry this happened, and that you were a witness. But I bet it changed you a little, so it's not for nothing. And it's early enough in the season, they'll likely nest again (oh, and when they do divebomb you, you may not have done anything wrong -- they do that a lot during the spring when they have a nest nearby).

Thank you for having a sensitive enough soul to take note, and to feel. I think that what we radiate out into the world mentally, emotionally, is real and gets absorbed. So maybe they feel just a little bit of relief from absorbing the sympathy you're generating.

Tryntryagain 04-19-2016 07:12 PM

Dearest Sam. Good evening. Bright blessings to you.

I am absolutely stunned. (Nancy)

This family hears things that most do not. It does mean as a family we hear everything.

We are built to, because we have had to.

Sam?

The beauty and wonderment you always have in your swagger, voice and heart, is frankly not only unsurpassed, yet makes me cry.

You are so very special.

Nancy?.....that certainly blew me off my branch.

Here we can put aside "our lives". Each time you send us your love Sam, everything is put aside.

You sharpen all our pencils, and focus us with the click of the fingers. Where we wander off into our seas and oceans of nonsense, so you are there.

You know folk when they have been drinking say "i luv ya" before they fall over? Having "been that very fellow, and some", when i say "i love you", it frankly sounds a bit "odd".

First of all i have told lamp posts i have loved them. Indeed. (I went back to find one.....alas....Sam, they had taken it away. Consequences of drink driving), so no light over my head anymore.

Ok, enough already!......how does..... i love you sound?

Whys that then?

All of us, here today. Dodgy knees and all.

We mould into each other. So we do.

We all share so many of the same circumstances, yet the experiences are different to us all. That is why we found this family.

Dearest Sam.

I luv ya

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dearest Sam


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