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Millie 12-06-2015 06:09 PM

How are YOU? :)

Alexis 12-06-2015 06:58 PM

yes, how are you Sam? !

Sam Bailey 12-07-2015 09:31 PM

Hi Millie (Alexis, too),

Wow, what an unexpected Thread, devoted to, who?, me? Well now...

Seriously, thanks Millie.

Wish I had something to report that was dramatic, or even particularly interesting. Not much though. Truth is, I think this is a good thing.

I mean, after so many years of very difficult, often heart-breaking, soul-crunching personal/family drama, stemming from either MY active addiction or, more recently, my son's active addiction, I prefer the peace of a routine day.

I am SO thankful that my son is now almost 17 months clean 'n sober. No booze, no dope. Thank God! And while it is still one day at a time, and while I sometime still see a "red flag," whether real or imagined, my boy is healing.

Folks? Like so many of us, maybe all of us, I have experienced some terribly hard, terribly sad times, both as a child and an adult, but there has been NOTHING as hard as some of those times when my son was using. The suffering, all around, was palpable. We stumbled under its awful, crushing weight. Sometimes we fell.

Survive it? I had to. There was no choice. I knew that if I didn't hold on to my senses, if I didn't remain as strong as I could possibly be, my son, and, likely, my entire family, would collapse.

And then? Not to sound too darned corny, but then---I would succumb.


He's doing his part and I continue to do mine. TRY to do mine, suppose I ought to say.

Other matters?

My knees. My knees are still all bollucks up (is that right, Tryn'? Bollocks? ha!) No?

Ok, my knees, they're really all messed up, hurt like crazy at times.

The doc again offered me pain meds (Norco to Percs) but a fella like me reallllly has to be careful with narcotics. Hell, even typing the word "narcotics" makes my brain light up. And I'm probably not joking.

So I am careful with that, lots 'n lots of Advil instead. For the record, I am so not a pain martyr. When I last had surgery I did use a round of pain meds, as doled out and supervised by Mrs. Sam. But the truth is, that demon WAS reawakened, not fully awake, but I could tell it was stirring.

And goodness knows, I am not against finding pain relief. Yet, lemme re-re-repeat, folks like moi, GOT to be careful.

Anyway (again). Now I AM rambling. Teach you, Millie, to devote an entire damn thread to...Sam B. HaHa!

Thanks, kid. You are a good and sweet and, yep, kind woman.



R. Lee 12-07-2015 09:36 PM

Sam, Nice to hear that your son is clean.

Have a good day.

lostdog 12-08-2015 10:45 AM

Good news, take care.

Tryntryagain 12-08-2015 01:03 PM

Good afternoon dear Sam. Bright blessings to you.

How quite wonderful that Millie has recognised what a very special human bod you are. Certainly to me. have evolved into to quite the most beautiful lunatic, (addressed), in the whole wide wonderful world. (WWW.World./yeah)

You have graced my journey with wisdom and shared in ways only you can do. You leave no stone unturned, moreover uplift all you share with here.

Dear Sam?.....i hope you recognise the influence that you are. I have heard you loud and clear...Re the shit that life throws. I have a feeling if i applaud you for that, i might very well find myself turfed out in the rain.

Wonderful, wonderful man. How lucky are we?

Be peaceful, be healthy, continue enjoying sharing your wealth of experience, and be strong. Loveness to you dear Sam and family.

Millie 12-08-2015 06:10 PM

Thanks, Sam.

What a good reminder of how our behavior affects others in our more selfish moments. I forget that sometimes I think. Really glad to hear that your son is clean.

And very sorry to hear that your knees aren't so great. What a wonderful thing that you know yourself well enough to consider that pain meds aren't good for you.

Thanks for being here.

Sam Bailey 12-08-2015 08:47 PM

Hey Folks,

Big Thanks to all of you.

This site? It really is a good one, isn't it?



Tryntryagain 12-09-2015 08:42 AM

It works my friend.

Loveness to you and your crew.

Tryntryagain 12-09-2015 06:43 PM

Good evening Sam. Bright blessings to you.

I was reading dear Millies journey and read your letter. I feel for you brother.

The devastation i have left in my wake and the luck that sees me able to write this letter to you tonight, has enabled me to recognise i was within that wreckage, that i somehow dug myself out, and empowered me to move forward to building, and re-building....right?......yeah?......?

Flashbacks. Blackouts.

We all have a picture of them. We see ..."oh my goodness" suddenly coming back to you, and then hitting the deck.

I know your flashbacks. They are neither of those things. It is "dread". I could be walking down the street, whistling a favourite tune....and.....out of the clear blue sky, a "thing"....a "pain"......dread....from inside, overwhelm me. The past?.....i can hear it in those seconds. I will stop and "adjust my headphones" for no reason, only to placate that feeling, otherwise i would drop to the pavement. I will "pull myself together" and shudder like a wet dog, gulp.....and start whistling again. That will take....hmmm, the whole shebang?.......2 minutes.

How many times a day?

I hear you dear Sam.

I am not going to take you down the road of what you give. You know what you do. However dear fellow, i looked up "unique" in the dictionary. I now know what you look like.

As you are feeling particularly rotten at this time, it is only fitting i give you this again.


Christopher Robin
Had wheezles
And sneezles,
They bundled him
His bed.
They gave him what goes
With a cold in the nose,
And some more for the a cold
In the head.
They wondered
If wheezles
Could turn
Into measles,
If sneezles
Would turn
Into mumps;
They examined his chest
For a rash
and the rest
Of his body for swellings and lumps.
They sent for some Doctors
In sneezles
And wheezles
To tell them what ought
To be done.

All sorts of conditions
Of famous physicians
Came hurrying round
At a run.
They all made a note
Of the state of his throat,
They asked if he suffered from thirst;
They asked if the sneezles
Came after the wheezles,
Or if the first sneezle
Came first.

They said, "if you teazle
A sneezle
Or wheezle,
A measle
May easily grow.
But humour or pleazle
The wheezle
Or sneezle,
The measle
Will certainly go.
They expounded the reazles
For sneezles
And wheezles,
The manner of measles
When new.

They said, "if he freezles
In draughts and in breezles,
May even ensue"

Christopher Robin
Got up in the morning,
The sneezles had vanished away.
And the look in his eye,
Seem to say to the sky,
"Now, how to amuse them today".

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dear Sam

Sam Bailey 12-10-2015 12:48 PM

Hey Andy!

Hugs and a Big Thanks for including that Christopher Robin poem in your last post to me. Truth is, I don't think I'd ever read it before, not the entire ditty.

Also, many thanks for your good wishes, all of 'em.

As I'd hoped, and expected, I do feel better today. Not totally, to be honest. But better. Less blue, anyway.

It's progress, right? Right! Ha!

On anther matter, maybe related?

Boy! It's been quite a long time since I last had a "using" dream---until last night, that is. And last night it was a doozy!

Actually, not THAT extreme. I've had far worse, far more lifelike. But still...

...but still, it was realistic enough.

Like so many similar dreams over the years since my Active Addiction Nightmare, I "discovered" that, somehow?, I was in possession of a huge amount of opiates, pills mostly, mixed in with a variety of other tablets and capsules.

And my feeling about this "treasure chest?" Also mixed. Some part of my brain was, frankly, overjoyed. Ecstatic, I'm sorry to say. Embarrassed, that too.

Yet I was delighted that I had found them, the drugs. Yep, delighted.

However, there was this other part of my brain (the healing part?) that recognized the terrible danger this discovery meant for me. I felt fearful, if not altogether afraid of some awful thing hovering over me.


That's about it. Not much more to the dream, it was pretty fractured.

So I left the dream feeling a rush of anxiety. Something was wrong, I knew this even though I was dreaming. Bad Vibrations, to misquote Brian Wilson.

And that was how I woke up, feeling anxious. Though only slightly.

Thing is, it could have been worse. I could have "used" in the dream. Last I recall of my dream was, despite the anxiety, I had "decided" to put the dope back in the desk drawer where I'd found it.

I decided NOT to use it.

Ok, I'll take that, the not using deal. Right?

Thanks All,


Millie 12-10-2015 03:36 PM

Ugh, I hate those. Glad you made a good decision in your dream, even if you did wake up with anxiety.

Hope you're having a good day.

Tryntryagain 12-11-2015 07:05 AM

Good morning dear Sam. Bright blessings to you.

Ahhhh, those bloody awful "using dreams". Back in the day i was in a residential rehab half way up a Welsh mountain. Secluded it most certainly was. (The RAF used to used the mountain for times really rather spectacular)....anyhew.....drinking dreams.

It was the first time in my life i had been without alcohol. (Started at 8). A couple of weeks in and i was in a place of incredible safety. I had never had a drinking dream before.

I awoke, dripping with sweat, and feeling as if i had "blown it" vivid was the dream. I went to see the manager of the place to share this as it visible shook me up. Of course the manager was more than aware what was happening to me and these dreams happened for 3 nights consequentially. On the 3rd morning i actually awoke with what i can only describe as a "hangover"....headache the lot.

It taught me 3 things.

The power of alcohol/drugs, the power of the mind/brain, and the realisation therefore, this condition, addiction, would be with me through my life.

A day at a time my brother, i can do it. Crazy dreams or not.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dear Sam

Alexis 12-14-2015 01:04 PM

How are you today Sam?xx

Sam Bailey 12-15-2015 11:12 AM

Hi Alexis!

Thank you for asking. I am well. Cold though. Sheesh, after complaining for sooo long about the heat-spell in Southern California, a sudden cold front has blown in and our temps have dropped considerably.

For most of the world, your part definitely included, temperatures of 55 degrees (high) and 37 degrees low is hardly freezing weather. But Californians are such cold weather wusses (well I certainly am, ha! that were all shivering in our flannel pjs.

Plus, our Central Heat just went out. A few days back. No worries, right? Thank goodness for a fireplace with lotsa firewood!

See? I have very little to complain about. For now, that's for sure.

So you ask how I am? I'm good, young friend. Thanks!

I hope, so very much, that you're good too...that you're feeling better. You have a good life, Alexis. Lots of personal power and potential, the good kind. You're a good woman.

Believe it, kid. My hope for you right now is that you believe it.



Tryntryagain 12-15-2015 11:15 AM

Hear, hear.

Loveness dear Sam

lostdog 12-15-2015 07:29 PM

Stay warm, it will warm up soon.I've been to L.A. area several times and swam in Malibu. I could live on the Santa Monica beach and boogie board everyday. Yes I'm older. But it is fun. Have a nice day!

Alexis 12-15-2015 07:34 PM

Thanks Sam, as always :) i look up to you.

Hope you warm up! Been quite mild today, 6 Celsius!

Love xxx

Alexis 12-17-2015 03:53 PM

Sammmm :)

How are you doing today?! xxx

Sam Bailey 12-17-2015 05:04 PM

Hi Alexis!

How am I today? First, big thanks for asking. Second, truth is, I've been better.

Something serious, is it? Dope demon come a'visiting me, pounding on my door? Something horribly wrong with my boy, vis-à-vis his struggles with the bottle? Perhaps it's my daughter, and/or her children, struck by more trouble with her bastard ex?

Nah, that ain't it.

What it is, is something different. Although equally catastrophic (maybe?), this little something is, in fact, "poisoning" my life.

Yes! That's it. Poison! I have been poisoned by my recent consumption of so damn much Holiday Christmas Candy! Yep, too much SUGAR!

Seriously! My own doing, of course. Oh, but it is tasty, isn't it? In fact, I discovered, just yesterday, a new concoction (to moi) called a Butterfinger Peanut Butter Cup. Yummy.

But, for real---more than three of those, or any combo of 3 high sugar treats makes me feel....unclear and thickheaded. More stupid-er than normal. Ha!

No doubt, my current "sugar poisoning" is not exactly what you meant, re how I feel. Right Alexis?

So, lemme try to answer THAT question---with seriousness.

There is something actual 'n real that is again distressing me. And unlike my sugar blues, this one is a real-life issue---for folks like me, anyway.

My spirit is good; my knees are lousy. Pain-plagued and all that jazz.

I was at my doc again today and was, again, pushed hard toward having a total double-knee replacement. Moreover, she again pushed hard to have me accept pain meds.

And today? Today I accepted them, the pain meds I mean---after, as I've shared several times previously, turning them down, again 'n again.

But today I did not turn them down.

The script is currently sitting on Mrs. Sam's nightstand, waiting for HER to get it filled so she can dole them out, appropriately, to me. I confess, wuss that I am, that my pain level has actually increased a lot. So accepting the script "felt" appropriate to me.

Oh Lord, how many times in my inglorious past have I felt justified in accepting, and taking, pain meds? My answer? Lots, lots, freaking lots!

Folks, this bothers me. No, not this ONE round of 30 Norcos. I feel, actually I do, ok, and safe, with those. What I worry about are the meds that are likely to come next---AFTER the double surgery.

Two surgeries, one following the other. Last operation, as I also shared, though I handled my use of the narcotics in exactly the right way (thanks Mrs. Sam), my dope demon was awakened. Not fully awake, no. Yet it clearly stirred.

Maybe I ought to, once more, postpone the surgeries. Maybe I ought to flush the meds, or better yet, not get 'em filled. Buy a large crate full of extra strength Advil instead.


I am pretty damn weary of this knee pain. The "promise" is that once rehab is over, I have a 90% chance of running again...pain-free!


I have a 10% chance of having worse knee pain/trouble---and maybe never running again.

So, how am I? Good, I am good. Yet I am also conflicted. Deeply conflicted.

Thing is though, as crummy as my dealio is right now, to SO many other folks in the world my troubles are small change. And know what? They're right.

So, for now. Perspective is what I need. And in each passing moment, I'm feeling closer and closer to finding it.

Perspective, I mean.

Anyway, however way "it" goes, from suger to surgery, big thanks for asking about me, dear ol Sam!



R. Lee 12-17-2015 05:48 PM

Sam, You are going to be OK. You have a plan on how your going to take them. Take the meds as prescribed to avoid the pain.

Good luck with the sweets. I am in the same boat.

Have a great day.

Alexis 12-17-2015 06:00 PM

Hey Sam, i feel you regarding the chocolates! My housemate has friends in america and they sent him some of those butterfingers last month, first time i tried one, my GOD, they are delicious...!!! They didnt last long i assure you haha

Your knees? im so sorry they hurt so much :( can you speak to your doctor about your worry?its great your wife will help out with things you know.

Im glad you are doing ok apart from this, its good to hear. Even if you think your problems are less than others, it doesnt mean that what you feel is any less. I find that thinking about Syria or somewhere, when i feel sad, and comparing my pain, just makes me feel worse, because then i have guilt to contend with as well!!!

Be cool Sam, like you always are :)

Love you lots xxx

Sam Bailey 12-17-2015 06:06 PM

Hey RLee,

Thanks, friend! For your support and your encouragement. Yeah, I think I'll be okay too. But still, after 20-25-something years of Active Addiction, after nearly ruining my life and the lives of my forever-loved ones, I am just a little bit...anxious.

Not terrified, but anxious. Cautious too. A good thing, caution---right?

But still, we can't ruin our lives by worrying too damn much about ruining our lives.

I am so thankful that I have support today. That I'm ACCEPTING support, that's more accurate. I have my loved ones, I have an assortment of friends and neighbors, I have my AA/NA clubhouse(s), I have my spiritual foundation---and I also have you bunch of scalawags. Truth is, I can count on you all for help.

And I do

Yeah, I'll be okay. Although I must be damn well vigilant if I expect it to work!

Again, big thanks!


Sam Bailey 12-17-2015 06:22 PM

Hi Alexis!

My reply post to RLee overlapped with your latest post to me.

So. Another mighty thanks to you, both for your original inquiry and this latest post. You are, I shall repeat forever, a good, kind and decent person. And you are beautiful, this I also know.

Ok, so I don't "know it" in the "normal" sense. Yet, normal or not, I "see" you. I picture you in my mind, a brush with an alternate reality that requires no eyes, no up close 'n personal?


I imagine you wandering around your apartment (flat?), lighting scented candles and cooking the most delicious soups---and Alexis, you are radiant as you wander.

Everywhere you go, a wonderful aura lifts you, moves you from place to place. I can see this.

***Please though, wear a robe. Ha! Just kidding.

Of course, kid, I can't, like, really SEE you. Though I do picture your good self. And my long-winded point is this, you have a good self, beautiful and good.

Trust this, I hope you will soon trust this.

Finally for now, ymmmm, chocolates! Ha!


Alexis 12-17-2015 06:26 PM

Thank you Sam, I smile a lot and also my eyes water. It means so much to me. Thank you xxxe

R. Lee 12-17-2015 08:14 PM

Sam, I can tell you work a good program. You are doing the right thing by sharing about this. A problem or fear shared is a problem cut in half.

lostdog 12-17-2015 11:52 PM

You are right R.Lee, Sam those cookies I made were the best ones I thought and I knew you would like them. As for butterfingers, Alexis, one of my favorites and at every vending machine and store around, Oh and the baby ruth's are delicious too. Take care Sam.

Alexis 12-18-2015 08:06 AM


Originally Posted by lostdog (Post 463740)
You are right R.Lee, Sam those cookies I made were the best ones I thought and I knew you would like them. As for butterfingers, Alexis, one of my favorites and at every vending machine and store around, Oh and the baby ruth's are delicious too. Take care Sam.

we have a special american sweet shop in Manchester which sells them, but i darent go as ill eat and eat and eat haha

Alexis 12-20-2015 11:51 AM

miss you Millie xx

lostdog 12-24-2015 11:05 AM

Sam, hope your holidays are nice, luv and support are sent to you....

Alexis 12-28-2015 04:02 PM

Hey Sam...where are you? How are you? Let us know :) hope your knees are ok xx

gmasusie 12-30-2015 10:55 PM

Looking for you and your words of wisdom!!!!

Tryntryagain 12-31-2015 11:46 AM

Good afternoon dear Sam. Bright blessings to you.

Well now....fancy that? Another year....."whooooshhhh".

It has been magical for me to have your influence over my journey this year. I have both learnt and laughed. Put those 2 things together and you simply can not go wrong. I can't wait to share this coming you with you.

Thank you Sam.

Happy new year.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dear Sam

Alexis 01-05-2016 03:56 PM

Sam how are you ? xx

Alexis 01-11-2016 12:53 PM

sam sam sam sam how are you? xx

Sam Bailey 01-11-2016 01:52 PM

Hi Alexis!

Ha! Thanks, I'm well. Mostly good, too. Though not always, as Mrs. Sam will attest. Ha!

Apologies for not replying sooner to your kind inquiry about moi.....but, while I've popped in on several other threads recently, left whatever mark I had, whatever thoughts were currently on my once addled mind, I don't usually check on my own, thread I mean. The thread that kind-Millie built for me.

In other news.....

The absolutely needed, though, in some places, dreaded, El Nino has finally arrived in Southern California. Shyly though, for now. Just a brief few mini-rains, not a storm among them, but all were appreciated---and more are expected. Full blown raging storms, so we're led to believe.

Good news!

My family is thoroughly excited about them. Although, in truth, I worry for some of our neighbors, those especially who live in the hills. Mudslides are horrible, can be, that is. Deadly, too. Slides, flash floods, etc.

Me? My family? Childlike, we are. When the sky first opened up, the three of us ran into the backyard, screaming like a bunch of 3rd graders. Such immature joy!

We love it, the Sam Clan does...except for, as previously noted, poor, sweet Ruby. She does not like the rain. The whole getting rained on while she pees in the backyard. Hey! Can't blame the girl, right?

She does, though, have a warm, comfy couch to climb on the moment she sprints back into the house. Cuddles too, lots 'n lots of cuddles.

Otherwise, all is well. My son and I are going to the movies today, in a couple of hours. Plan on seeing "Revenant." Last week we saw, "Hateful Eight." As a member of The Writers Guild, I am SO lucky to get into these Not year round, just during the Awards Season. Still, it's great. Most lucky to have my boy with me, clean and sober and so, so clearheaded.


How are those fingertips? By now, some calluses, right? Less pain anyway, I'm betting.

Again, thanks Alexis.



Alexis 01-11-2016 02:28 PM

Great news :) just great! Let me know about the Revenant. I love Leo.

Fingers dont hurt at all anymore :D yay!!!

Glad you are so well Sam, you deserve to dance in the rain xx

Sam Bailey 01-11-2016 10:12 PM

Hey Alexis!

FYI: We saw "Revenant" earlier today and it was.....good. Really good. But not, sorry to say, great. Oh, there were several great moments, many in fact. The photography was, as has been widely reported, spectacular. Both my son and I nearly froze to death just WATCHING the snow storms, et al. And the scenery itself? Well, just damned.....spectacular.

As you probably know, "Revenant" is based on a true life story. Based, not all fact. Well, if this guy Leo portrayed, Hugh Glass, actually went through a smidgen of what we saw on screen, then he may have been the toughest s.o.b. who ever lived!

Man, it was brutal, both the nature and the human. When Glass/Leo was attacked by that Mama Grizzly, I nearly shrieked. Ha! Seriously brutal! But so well done, even if CGI can be a curse at times.

Speaking of your friend Leo, HE was also spectacular. Not a lot of dialog, but LOTS of physicality---and he really pulled it off. Totally believable. Tom Hardy, the costar, and one of the great actors in the world!, was also terrific, though his character was more of a one-note dealio. Nothing against Hardy. His role was just that much smaller.

Anyway. I enjoyed the film. As did my son, Noah. It just fell short of our too high (I guess) expectations.

Sleep well.


Tryntryagain 01-12-2016 05:32 AM

Good morning dear Sam. Bright blessings to you.

How i love reading your letters.

There is so much vibrancy, so much positive energy providing your aura. It is if your journey once chaotic and "dive bombing into oblivion" you managed to "pull up...pull up...pull up" and so you have.

I feel your unbridled passion for your life now. Sure Mrs Sam might say, "well hold on there Mr's not all a bed of roses you know"....that i would conclude is the way life is, yet i can feel your gratitude for where you are now on your journey. That gives me inspiration, motivation and your love of the life you have now, the way in which you share your positivity a true miracle for all of us here.

Fantasising about meeting you i suppose we would extend our hands for shaking...nah....oh come here, give me a hug......

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dear Sam

Alexis 01-12-2016 11:19 AM

Thanks Sam, great review there :) i will look out for it for sure. xx

Millie 01-12-2016 02:52 PM

I've seen trailers for The Revenant and just keep thinking about how stressful it would be to watch. My husband likes that kind of thing, so I'll gladly see it, but it makes me nervous.

If you ever feel starved for rain, come on up and visit. We've got more than enough to go around, and usually spread it out so it's not all at once.

gmasusie 01-13-2016 12:36 AM

Sam, I hope that soon my son and I will enjoy calm, sober time together. He is trying. You sound good.

Sam Bailey 01-13-2016 12:58 PM

Hey Susie,

I hope so too, that you and your son soon enjoy that sober time.

I doubt I have to tell you this, but during those years that my son was drinking so heavily, especially during his last couple of years, there were times, many of them!, when I really didn't know what to do.

I was angry, sure. But more than that, I was scared to death. Deeply afraid, his Mom and I were, that he would NEVER wake from his nightmare.

And even beyond that, I was just so, so sad. Clearly, my son was an unhappy person. And the solution to solving his unhappy state was booze. Yet it was that very thing that he used to deliver himself from his pain that was causing him more pain.

Come this February, Noah will be 18 months clean 'n sober. And yes, yes!, I am so grateful for that, so thankful for that.

Yet I know that this entire addiction dealio, whether booze or (as in my own case) narcotics, is a one day at a time thing. Cliché maybe, but we really do have just today.

So while I am delighted that my son is so clearheaded, I continue to worry. I continue to fear for him. That "dark place" inside him, that "hole in his belly?" How I hope and pray that he has found, is finding, his way out of that pain.

Anyway. Thanks, Susie.

I too hope you and your son will soon enjoy that sober time world.

Whatever you do, keep loving him, no matter what.



Alexis 01-22-2016 07:39 PM

Sam how are you? Thanks for your support <3

I think of you all the time. Peace xx

iamtrying 01-23-2016 11:54 AM

Sam ..hope things are going ok...

I have read some of your best writings here....thank you for your support...

Alexis 01-31-2016 07:15 PM

Sam how you doing? xx

lostdog 01-31-2016 07:23 PM

Best wishes to Sam the talented kind man.

R. Lee 02-01-2016 04:23 PM

Thanks for everything Sam. You are so supportive to everyone here. You Rock!!

Millie 02-04-2016 11:36 AM

Okay Sam, how are you?

Tryntryagain 02-06-2016 07:46 AM

Good afternoon dear Sam. Bright blessings to you.

How the devil are you? and how is Mrs Sam? I have been reading your letters on others various journeys and "put them altogether" the love within you is unrivaled.

I have seen into the world you once had almost without you needing to talk about it. Your honest awareness helps me at least find my way to wisdom with patience. It also shows me that no matter what....all of us can live a full and wondrous life even if at times the wind does blow bringing with it a bully of clouds, yet we overcome. Everytime. We are survivors.

Each one of us makes the other one so.

There is one special difference that sobriety really should be praised for more....humour. To laugh, to giggle, to bellow out loud dear boy, is a gift in itself. Each time i am stuck on my journey and seem not to see what is infront of me, you introduce it shall we say,it a way that makes me laugh so. I share your pain and understand your laughter comes from that.

That is priceless.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you dear Sam

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