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-   -   Well, Here I am. (http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=30090)

jditoday 08-05-2015 01:19 PM

Well, Here I am.
 
I've been lurking for a little over a month here. I signed up this morning before heading off to my 3rd court date. I stared at the screen for a good hour and had no idea what to write.

On June 20th, I went out to blow some steam off with one of my best pals on day 3 of a 15 day vacation. On the way to his house, I got a call from the big guy at work asking me all kinds of questions about a job that we had just wrapped up on my last day. By the time I got to my friends house, who is also a coworker, I was pretty aggravated and ready to get after it. Now, keep in mind, I had done some pregaming at home (and to be honest, on the way there) because of social anxiety issues. I have a very hard time being in groups of people unless I know them all. Anyway, we talked shop for a bit and headed out. We planned on doing some bar hopping, getting closer and closer to his house as the night came full circle. It was a great night which wound us up at a new place in an area I wasn't really familiar with. His brand new wife met us there as she was out on her own adventure with her friends. Those two left to go home together, and I went on my way back to my house. I got in my truck, lit a smoke and proceeded to pull out onto what I thought was a 4 lane undivided highway. I was two lanes come to find out. As I crossed the centerline, I immediately corrected myself and took a deep breath as I was relieved that no cars were even close. I saw headlights way down the road. And they saw me. Two motorcycle cops. This was DUI #2 coming my way. #1 was 7 years earlier.

After failing to sobriety tests, I was taken to a district station for the night. I was alone in the cell, which was nice, but what was worse was that the AC was cranking, and I was not allowed a blanket. Just a pad on a metal slab to sleep it off. Unfortunately, the warmest place I could find was right be the toilet which was partially covered by a partition. I covered myself with the pad as I laid on the concrete floor and managed a few winks.

In the morning, I was transported to the county jail. After being processed, which of course includes the mug shot, the finger printing, the doctor visit, the psych check, the strip search, and the uniform issuing, there I was, in jail for the first time in my life. I will tell some stories about this later on, as there were many.

18 hours later, I was released after posting my own bail 10 hours earlier. $500 for freedom. I called a cab, which drove me to where the officers were nice enough to park my truck to avoid impound fees, and I drove home. Call #1 was to the friend I was out with the night before. #2 as to my broter to cancel some plans we had that day. It took about 30 minutes to get home chain smoking the whole way. When I got home, I went to the fridge, popped a beer and pounded the life out of it, and a few others as I began lawyer shopping and emailing online. Shortly after I passed out as I had about 2 hours of sleep in the previous 32-33 hours.

The next morning, I only had one reply from a lawyer, who I called and retained immediately. I called my friend back to talk some more and to begin to strategize. He is my chief steward at work, and surely was in a much better mental state than me. He said I should call the EAP at work (Employee Assistance Program) for some advice. This was a good idea, and it was assuring that I knew the director, another union guy. I already had his cell number stored in my phone. We chatted for a little while, he told me I was going to have to quit drinking. I asked him for a name, I needed real help. There was no hesitation, "Jon is your guy, I will email you his contact info".

The next morning, I had my bond hearing. No big deal really, I got my next court date, filed paperwork to delay my license suspension and entered a not guilty plea (to buy some time to get my act together). The commissioner waved the monitoring, but put me on absolute sobriety. I was not ready for that. This was June 23rd, and these were not my terms. I've never been physically dependent an alcohol, but had been mentally and emotionally bonded with it for at least 10 years, I can't pinpoint when I let it get away from me, but I have been drinking since I was 15 and am currently 35.

After a few days (I had a friend in from out of town), I reached out to Jon. We chatted for a bit and set up my first face to face, one on one appointment. Still on vacation, as soon as that phone call was over, I started drinking. I have been a functioning alcoholic for a very long time, but hey, I didn't have anything to function for for the next week or so, so I dove in. Jon wasn't able to see me until July 10th.

When I showed up to his office I was greeted by this little old dude. I stood about a foot over him, he didn't have a look in his eyes like he had ever suffered addiction, his handshake was warm and firm though, and he thanked me for coming in. When we sat down, The first thing I noticed was his POW/MIA shirt. I have seen a ton of these on my uncle. A vietnam vet. It suddenly dawned on me that I was wrong on my first impression. His first words to me were "OK...start talking".
*ANXIETY**ANXIETY**ANXIETY*ANXIETY*
I do NOT like to talk about myself. I stumbled all over the place until he finally took over. Sober 35 years (his sobriety birthday as he called it was 22 days AFTER I WAS BORN!), Vietnam veteran, he told me what had a hold of him, why it did, and what happened when someone was ballsy enough to confront him about his problem. We talked for almost 2 hours. I left, still scared out of my mind, but a bit relieved that I was able to open up to him after a bit, and to my own credit, it did take him at least that first hour to get me to start sobbing as I spoke about my life. He suggested going to meetings which I swiftly declined. Not ready for that yet! NOPE!

I made it 2 days after that. Time for a redo.

Since that first meeting, I have had a few more do overs. They are coming faster and faster as the court dates get closer and closer. There will be jail time, the suspension, the blow and go for the truck, and I am terrified that I messed up so bad that my job might be on the line. If I lose my job, then I lose my house, and at that point, they may as well lock me up for good right? This is my present state of mind.

Terrified, ashamed, depressed...with a dash of hopeful, and gratuity that I have the few close folks I keep...in my corner.

I promise I will have more long winded posts in the future telling my story. What got me going, and some ideas as to how the train fell off the rails. I will do my best to reply to anyone, but if I don't, rest assured that I have read everything that is sent my way, I appreciate it, and I look forward to my time here. I wish that I could land a number on this post, but I'm afraid, today became a do over as soon as I got home. This will be a very slow start for me, but it is a start none the less. I tore the bandaid off and accepted the fact that I need a therapist *check*. He wants me to go to AA...well, I'm not ready for group face to face yet, so I finally posted to a forum that I have been watching for awhile, to get help and support from people in my same situation *check*. I have pretty high hopes that I will be able to take a lot of good away from this group. In this first post, I have spoken more about myself than I have in the last 5 years combined.

Thank you for having me.

JDI...Today. (tomorrow in todays case)

Millie 08-05-2015 01:39 PM

Welcome! Thanks for sharing your story. It certainly does sound like this could be a good wake-up call. This is a good group of people, as you've seen in lurking, and you'll learn a lot if you are open to it.

One piece of advice I'd give is, if you have any alcohol in your house, throw it away immediately. Having it there just makes it way too easy.

Again, welcome, and have a good today.

jditoday 08-05-2015 01:56 PM

Millie, thanks for te welcome. There isn't much to throw away, I think the common problem for a lot of us is that there is always lots to buy. Between the courthouse in a different city, to my house, I probably passed a good 50 places to buy booze. I drove by 49 of them. I've been off from work for the last nine days. My biggest problem right now is the schedule. Its a 5 week rotation. For the first half, we work a ton, for the second half, we dont work much. It all comes out in the end paywise but the days off are killing me. I go back tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day with not a lot of forgiveness behind it. I start counting tomorrow. I've never made it past 3. I have 5 in a row coming up and I plan on getting to 7. A week is a big number. Tomorrow is #1. though.

jditoday 08-05-2015 02:22 PM

And I'll add this. Two months ago, what I am going through today would have began a bit of a binge. The kind of drinking that DUI #1 "class" taught me was OK. "Here is a math formula that shows you how much you can drink and be OK to go to work in the morning given amount and time". I will get into that later as well. They wonder why thee are so many repeat offenders?

I did stop today after 3. I had to be able to slow down and breathe. I haven't learned those tricks and tools yet.

ANYTHING that can help me slow down when it starts getting nasty I will be more than willing to try. Let me have them!

Millie 08-05-2015 02:38 PM

What do you mean by "slow down?" Do you mean after starting to drink? After that, your judgment is impaired and you're probably not going to be able to slow down.

I'm sure others who are wiser and more experienced than I am will have great advice, but my own experience has been that being able to regain control has to start with stopping drinking completely and letting the chemicals leave your body. For today. Hopefully for tomorrow, but right now focusing on today. The third and fourth days are usually the hardest, as your brain chemistry is re-regulating and your brain doesn't want to work that hard. After that, it gets a little easier.

I would suggest changing your routine, a change of scenery (even just going for walks in your city), finding something productive to fill your time.

jditoday 08-05-2015 02:56 PM

No, by slow down, I mean...slow down my racing thoughts. That is my biggest issue that I have to face I think. Having a few after work has always been my "off switch". I have a pretty stressful job (and I just realized that saying this is cliche as #@!$) but the first one after work was always the off switch. On a day like today, where it is just bad news about bad news that I have coming my way, my mind was going in a direction that I did not need it to be going. Sure, I am in trouble, but I don't need to sink myself into that quicksand before the future lays itself out for me. Today, I needed that off switch when I got home.

I broke so I could reboot. Does that make any sense? I dunno. I am normally very good with dealing with stress, but I have never been up against anything like this before...let alone, while I am trying to quit "flipping the off switch".

jditoday 08-05-2015 03:03 PM

And, LMAO, because I suck at putting everything into one post (I'll get better!!!) I DO know what you mean about changing my routine. I am still new at this, but I have bought a lil home gym, and a bike. I have abused them both over the last month, and like I was saying, when work is going on...I'm good. When I slam on weights and ride for 15-20 miles, I get home and I'm like...now what? I have been good on those days, because who wants to undo a few hours of hard work on your body with a few hundred empty calories "amirite"?

Today was just a crusher for me. I didn't get into details, and I wont today, but there was a lot of bad news to digest.

R. Lee 08-05-2015 08:11 PM

jditoday, Welcome to the site. If you want to stop drinking I can make some suggestions. If you want to control how you drink I can not help. For me it is all or nothing. I am an alcoholic & I can not drink.

I drank for 42 years. I drove drunk most of that time. I was never arrested. Along with a drinking problem I have a thinking problem. I was selfish self centered anything with self in it I was. No no else mattered my wants came 1st.

I had stopped drinking tried controlled drinking & nothing worked. I thought I could never go the rest of my life without drinking so I gave up & continued to drink.

I now work a program where I am supported by recovering alcoholics. I have a sponsor who mentors me. I have phone numbers to call if the urge becomes too much. I also use this site. This site is as valuable as my real life support group.

I only have to stay sober just for today. If I make it until tomorrow I will again make a commitment to do this for another 24 hours. I think through that urge to drink. I have to make it simple or I will analyze the heck out of it & probably drink.

Keep coming back. You can do this. Don't give up & think through that 1st drink. You are worth it.

Alexis 08-05-2015 09:43 PM

Hey Jdi, thanks for sharing & thanks for being part of this place.

I totally get the racing thoughts, I struggle very much with this too. It's very hard but I try to meditate. It helps, it really does. I just need to make sure I DO it when I get into that state. Also exercising till exhaustion helps (don't go too overboard but work out till tired) then maybe a hot bath, read, your favourite film...even just posting your thoughts here, someone is usually always around.

Wishing you luck & peace xx

jditoday 08-06-2015 03:52 AM

R.Lee, Alexis, Millie,

Thank you for the kind words and support. I will be keeping this short and sweet as I don't want to get emotional before work. In fact, I gotta chill out for a minute, BUT...here we go. Thursday morning, 2:51am. August 8, 2015.

Day 1. I will not drink today.

Hope you all have a strong day, and I'll see you after work.

Alexis 08-06-2015 04:24 AM

I hope you have a strong day too JDI, let's make day 1 together x

R. Lee 08-06-2015 09:13 AM

Great job jd. Have a great day.

nan 08-06-2015 09:33 AM

Good job, jd-we are here supporting you and will look for you after work. Just one day at a time adds up.

nan

lostdog 08-06-2015 09:38 AM

My post is a ghost. oh, well, back at it. Welcome, they all have good advice and with this posting message board, it is a good support system. Some use it more than others, etc. and it can help you as you are the sole determiner in your life. Best wishes to you!

jenm 08-06-2015 10:01 AM

Hi jdi!

Welcome. I understand and empathize with what you are going through. Many here do. Just don't drink today. Just don't drink for the first hour after work, and then try again the second hour. You do not have to.

I will tell you that the racing thoughts do go away with some time away from alcohol. I know EXACTLY what you are talking about.

You do not have to do this alone, and you do not have to drink today. Let's do this together. :) Jenm

iamtrying 08-06-2015 10:18 AM

Hi Jditoday...

I am sure you are aware where you stand with alcohol. Last thing is you don't want to kill someone while driving and go to jail for life in prison. You have to be strong...get grips and completely stop drinking. Again, no body can force you to do that, you have to make your own decision.
Feel lucky, nothing that worse has happened. And it is never too late to start....most importantly, everything is intact you have to just tie few lose ends and move on...move in the direction of sobriety!

You seem to be a nice guy, just going thru lot of things and guess alcohol is the root cause. Look back and peel one day at a time and imagine if you were not drinking....! the whole picture would be different in each episode.

Take one day at a time, one moment at a time, stay in today, stay sober...you can do it and you need to have deliberate effort, because our minds play tricks and deceive us into drinking..I do that every day- one day at a time, I am very vigilant to urges..one sip and I am back to where i was...

Welcome to the group....

Good day friend.

jditoday 08-06-2015 07:53 PM

Howdy folks, as always thank you so much for all the kind words and support.

So here I am, sitting here after work on my brand new day 1. I gotta tell you, I feel like I got let off easy today by getting slammed at work with a seriously hot job. Tonight is one of those nights where instead of popping a beer as soon as the pants come off (I live alone and get to do cool stuff like that:P) I am nearly forced to go straight for the water, which is exactly what I did. I am feeling pretty good at the moment and hope to keep my head in check tonight, which I think should be pretty doable since I am pretty exhausted. I wont even be working out tonight, the arms and legs are noodles from the day.

The last time I sat down with my therapist, we talked about counting the days. I asked what his number was and he laughed and said he would have to do the math, but gave me the date. I thought for a minute about the good few days I just had and stated that I didnt really want to count, that that would just make me look back at where I was coming from which didn't sound good to me at all. I only wanted to focus on what is ahead and build off of the previous day. I can see that working for me one day. After a week, a month, a year...but I have to get to one of those milestones first.

I will be poking around reading here and there tonight, but it will be an early bed time for me. I hope everyone had all the strength you needed today. I did, thanks to you all!

Alexis 08-06-2015 11:38 PM

Hey Jdi, you sound good tonight, that's great :) sending you strength to get through the night but I recon you can do it without the extra help!

I made it through the day/night and it's now 10:45am here, day 2.

Get some well deserved rest. X

jditoday 08-07-2015 05:17 AM

Yo Alexis!

A good night did indeed follow the good day, as I was OUT before my head hit the pillow. Lets do this again!

Here we go on day 2!

I hope everyone has a strong day.

R. Lee 08-07-2015 09:26 AM

Sounds like you have a plan jd. Keep it up. Have a great day.

Saint 08-07-2015 02:49 PM

Jd,
Work it one day at a time and the milestones will come. That's all we ever have once we wake is today.Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Saint

Millie 08-07-2015 05:29 PM

That's great, JD. :) Like Saint said, it's just today.

The thing I do rather than counting days is putting stickers on my wall calendar. I have these little happy face stickers - several sheets of them. Every day that I don't drink, the next morning I put a sticker on the calendar. My only job is to not break the chain. There's no counting, no reflecting on the start date, just one sticker a day. Tiny little manageable bites.

jditoday 08-07-2015 07:54 PM

Day 2 will come to a close sober in a couple hours. Thats all I have to say about that...

gmasusie 08-07-2015 09:53 PM

JDI and Alexis, Congratulations! Good work, and it is work. Millie, good idea to avoid remorse!!!

R. Lee 08-07-2015 09:56 PM

jd great job. It can be done just that simple. If we wake up in themorning we can start another 24 hours over again.

Alexis 08-08-2015 02:34 AM

Millie that's an amazing idea! Thanks for sharing.

JDI onto day 3 - lets do this... X

jditoday 08-08-2015 05:16 AM

Man...It feels like I drank a ton last night...but I didn't What gives? I was told mornings would be better and I would wake up to unicorns and puppies every morning:P

As always, thanks for all the kind words and support. I was too much of a crab ass to say anything last night. I hope everyone has a strong day!

Day 3 look the f%$# out! Here we come!

Alexis, I think it is super cool that we got this running at the same time, I do feel like it is a touch unfair that you get a pretty huge head start on me being half way around the world though:P Thats alright though, you start it, I'll finish it!

Alexis 08-08-2015 05:22 AM

Haha yeah it's 4:20pm here right now! Be heading out in a couple hours to watch the game. In my mind I will only be drinking lemonade and water...

Hope you feel better as the day goes on! x

jditoday 08-08-2015 06:09 AM

Alexis, make your mind come to life. I went to a baseball game very soon after I began my lil journey. I thought I might lose it as soon as I got to my seat, for the first game I had been to in over 10 years. Luckily the few people I went with knew what I was getting myself in to and didn't drink either. I enjoyed Pepsi and Hot dogs for 9 innings without incident.

And I liked it better than getting all buzzed up. What???

I was way more into the game and talking with my friends, and was aware of the mental freedom that I was able to enjoy the game (though my team lost) and the gorgeous 75 degree sunny weather we had that day, without drinking and giving up control.

I hope you enjoy the game!

R. Lee 08-08-2015 09:20 AM

Congratulations on your 3rd. day. Keep it simple jd, Your body may be detoxing. Think through that next drink. Have a great day.

jditoday 08-08-2015 08:01 PM

It's not even 7pm here yet, but I am calling today good, 3 down. I'm not getting cocky or anything. It was just another sweltering day in the plant today so I'm gonna sip on some water for awhile, maybe crack a book and hit the hay.

Checking in here has become a pretty nice routine. Being a man of routine, I appreciate having this positive place to stop in to as soon as I get home from work instead of bee lining right for the fridge. Well, that's a lie, I still head for the fridge but go for water instead. I have a particular challenge in front of me tomorrow as I have never made it through day 4. Really, I am going to try to not think about it too much as that might jinx the whole thing. Honestly, I could use a nice chill but productive day at work to end the work week (I say week, but I have a very different and confusing schedule, I'm not gonna get into it). Three insanely hot days in a row slamming 12 hours a day, I am due for a couple days off...but those do scare me, I wont lie.

Thanks for the support and I hope you all had strong days!

R. Lee 08-08-2015 09:57 PM

jd, You are doing great 1 day at a time. Day 4 for is just another day sober.

EVERYONE OF US THAT IS SOBER HERE HAS NOT MADE IT THIS FAR BEFORE!!

You are no different than the rest of us. Don't set yourself up to drink with thinking like that.

Congratulations again on 3 days sober.

Alexis 08-09-2015 03:17 AM

Well done JD, proud of you. 4th day you will be fine, don't think of the past - just today. You are stronger now & will be saying 5th day before long!

Strength & peace xx

jditoday 08-09-2015 05:05 AM

Those are some pretty strong words you put together there R.Lee. They will be in my back pocket all day to be pulled out whenever I need them. Thank you sir.

Day 4, here we go. We have not met yet but I plan on destroying you.

I hope you all have strong days.

iamtrying 08-09-2015 10:02 AM

Great job Jdi...keep it going..never give up...one day at a time friend....that's all it is and that's all it takes...be in today, do whatever it takes to be sober today...

have a great Sunday!

R. Lee 08-09-2015 10:44 AM

jd, You are doing great. Keep it up. Have a great sober day.

lostdog 08-09-2015 02:36 PM

Nice to hear! keep up the good work.

jditoday 08-09-2015 08:41 PM

Yo,

At the risk of turning this thread into a diary, I plan on keeping this short and simple. It was an emotionally draining day. I keep typing and deleting shit because it all turns into "here's how my day went which has nothing to do with staying sober." It keeps turning into a vent. I was hoping for my buddy and coworker to call back by now so I could dump all of the work stuff on him, so I could focus on myself in this forum, but that is not happening. It's still early, but I am calling day 4 in the books. Here's a good ole' confession for ya! I REALLY want a drink. It was that kind of day even though I took R.Lee's words to heart, and have been recommitting about every hour or so. Lucky for me though, there is nothing but water and coffee (NOPE!) here to drink, and I am far too mentally and physically shot for the night to run out and change that.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Saint 08-09-2015 08:59 PM

jditoday,

I remember that feeling of really wanting a drink....

Day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day...

it's exhausting. I know. I lived it also.

Sobriety is yours if you want, if you work it, if you listen to those that have been there and survived it.

We are never cured.

Keep up the good work jditoday!

Regards,
Saint

gmasusie 08-09-2015 09:41 PM

Jdi, Do you have a friend that you can confide in that you can call when it gets tough? Keep talking to us in the meantime. Alexis, proud of you for the support. How are you doing?

Love, Susie

jditoday 08-09-2015 10:48 PM

:)Early apologies for the long post. This one might sound like I am bragging about my support system, but I promise you folks that it was not my intent. Susie Asked if I had someone to talk to when it get tough, and I took stock of the amazing supporting cast that I am constantly surrounded by. Susie, thank you for making me think about this, as it has turned a very rough day into one that I wish to remember. I WAS gonna hit the hay early again, even with a day off tomorrow, but I spilled my guts about the special people that support me without a blink. Now it's bed time:)

Susie,

The broad answer is yes. The narrow answer, well, there are many. Like I was saying, I was waiting for a call back from a friend coworker to dump work stuff on. He has a pretty extensive resume in my life though. We were hired on the same day nearly 7 years ago. Since then, he has captured the following titles: Coworker, (my) Chief Steward, Work wife (dude on dude work wife action, LMAO, it happens), (one of 3) best friend, brother, rock, and the funniest guy I know.

I have the other bestie, who I can count on to listen, understand, then turn around to make me laugh and bring life down a notch or two. I've known him for some silly 16 years. He knows where I am at and is unbreakably supportive. Though he will ask about work, I will never drop it all on him, or his family. Some sure, as his wife is magnificent and wants to hear about it, and all of his kids think what I do is pretty awesome, we keep work out of it and keep casual. He is also my tattooer, my art teacher, my fellow music junkie, and even though he is a touch older, as far as making it in life, we are on the same path.

Psht, then there is the OTHER Bestie, again, known for about 16-17 years. Anything goes. She lives very far away from me, and I am lucky to see her once a year. Before unlimited calling was a thing, the phone bill suffered. We have helped each other work our way out of "the swamp" as my therapist calls it (he credits Freud though) many many many many times. We have a connection that will not be broken. In fact, she has taken a page out of my own road to sobriety book and began her own. Like me, she is having a rough start, but she is still plugging away and I could not be prouder of her for putting in the work and not beating herself up too bad for the times that she breaks. I will take that phone call any day, night...I will rock up for her as she has always done for me.

Then, I have my therapist, who I have spoken about earlier, I wont go into it a ton. After a few sessions, we realized that because of his semi retired status, and my difficult work schedule, that we would not be able to have a consistent treatment schedule. He gave me the OK to email him, or call him whenever I needed to if anything got bad enough that it had to be worked on that day. No charge unless we are face to face. He plans on hugging me one day though I prefer a good hand shake. He is a "master"...shrink, psych, therapist, dude has an alphabet full of credentials behind his name, but the credit that means the most to me is 35 years sober. R.Lee said something that made me think of this guy earlier when talking about counting days. He did the caps lock so dont blame me for the copy and paste:P "EVERYONE OF US THAT IS SOBER HERE HAS NOT MADE IT THIS FAR BEFORE!!". I respect and admire my therapist's 35 years. Maybe he knows his number, maybe he doesn't...that would be a huge number. Either way, I will wake up tomorrow to day 5, and he will wake up to day (X), which he has never made it to before. Pretty heavy thinking right? 5 days? 35 years? In the same boat....what??? Yes, we all are.

I have the EAP guy at work, who had become a friend even before I knew he would play a major role in my life. He is good to listen, then tell a story, which winds up in an inspirational message that we end on.

I have outlets, but it is all in who I choose to let out on. I do pick those carefully as each amazing soul plays their own respective role in my life. They all make up a part of me, and just like any muscle in my body, I can not over tax that resource or it will become sore. I dont like my muscles to be sore, I like them all to work in unity to carry me to where I need to be.

I am so sorry for the insanely long post, but Susie lit a bulb...blame her!!!

Alexis 08-10-2015 01:30 AM

Jd you are a lucky man :) you must be a good man too, to have such wonderful support. Remember that. A short one from me as struggling today. But still sober, just.

will check in later x

R. Lee 08-10-2015 10:38 AM

Jd, Congratulations on 5 days sober. You thought through that 1st drink & that thought rewarded you with the 5 th. day.

You will get the craving to drink but as time passes that craving will become less & less.

I must remember that king alcohol is always waiting for me to have a weak moment. As Saint suggests I must remain diligent.

Have a great day.

gmasusie 08-10-2015 10:50 AM

Wow! I'll take the blame. I'm glad I asked. What a wonderful safety net you have. Take advantage of them: they want you to. Also remember that we are here. Love, Susie

lostdog 08-10-2015 10:57 AM

vent, share, talk , it's all ok, you gotta do what ya gotta do. Susie is too sweet to blame anything on, but it's a good blame and that's what's nice. I hope you have a nice day!

jditoday 08-10-2015 11:59 AM

Now THAT was the good sleep that I have been waiting for! Starting day 5 off nice and drowsy. Thank you guys for all the kind words that I got to wake up to. I have a ton to do today that I'm gonna get around to sooner or later but it is nice to be off the clock. Alexis, we will all be here when you feel like checking in. Day 5 for us. It's like a work week of sobriety for us!

R. Lee 08-10-2015 04:27 PM

Great job JD. Keep it up & have a great day.

Tryntryagain 08-10-2015 07:11 PM

Good evening jditoday. Bright blessings to you.

May i take you away from yourself?>

Imagine you could chose another pathway of all that you are doing now?

What a quite splendid person you are. Do you think you could find the part of you, that you share so eloquently with us, could you pop that into your life somewhere?

you mentioned,


"EVERYONE OF US THAT IS SOBER HERE HAS NOT MADE IT THIS FAR BEFORE".......

I have.

Getting there is a tad dodgy.

I have a thought for you.

I want you to think of going "in"...instead of "out". What i mean by that is that, when you "feel" do not go "out", do not reach for a drink, a smoke, reach in.

Trust me, this amazing family will help you do the rest.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you jditoday

Alexis 08-10-2015 08:56 PM

Onto day 6 JD. Let's do this xx

iamtrying 08-10-2015 09:10 PM

Jd great job on day 5 - It's a reward to get up from sleep and have a peaceful rested mind and eyes.


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