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lostdog 10-03-2014 02:13 PM

rained but clear here
it rained a lot but looking forward to a clear weekend. This is like my life, getting much clearer today....

gmasusie 10-03-2014 05:27 PM


Congratulations! Keep it up!

Love, Susie

lostdog 10-03-2014 05:54 PM

Thanks if you talk positive to yourself, the negativity escapes.

R. Lee 10-04-2014 12:03 AM

lostdog, You are so right. Keep up the good work staying sober & helping others.

Tryntryagain 10-05-2014 09:25 AM

Good afternoon Lostdog. Bright blessings to you.

Talking positive to yourself is really helpful. Thinking positive all the better. Saint often says, it is alot to do with attitude.

At school i never wanted to do the egg race, i would sulk and purposely come last. When i was told there was a prize....i won it!!!, (with the help of blu tack).

Keep thinking positive, keep wanting to embrace small changes.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Lostdog.

jenm 10-07-2014 12:29 PM

Keep up the good work, lostdog! Take care, Jenm

lostdog 10-08-2014 07:56 AM

thanks! Jenm, I saw where you like to teach fitness classes. That is something we have in common. I like to exercise a lot too. It is fun and I luv tennis, too.Best wishes to you and your journey, too.

nan 10-09-2014 06:10 PM

Hi lostdog, It is a beautiful day here today. Hope you are having a good day and that your journey continues smoothly. Nice to see you supporting others.


gmasusie 10-09-2014 06:44 PM


You are always positive and supportive to all.

Thanks, Susie

lostdog 10-09-2014 06:48 PM

Positive thoughts are contagious. Those telling me positive things help me to continue this journey too.thanks everyone! Will post soon on weekend endeavors

Tryntryagain 10-15-2014 05:01 PM

Good evening Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

You have given me so much support, and i see you give such amazing support to others, i want to ask you how you are?

Lost Dog is a human being, and full of compassion, love, experience and wisdom, that flows out of you so naturally. Be sure that you know, that your journey, and your struggles, are as important to us, as ours are to you.

Thank you so much for gifting me the support you do.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Lost Dog

lostdog 10-15-2014 08:14 PM

Thanks Tryn. That is so thoughtful to say. I'm naturally a meek Person and mantra is kindness. I suffer from no attention sometimes and have drank because I do long for attention yet shun it when it is there. I can't speak in public but in a small group I'm ok. I'm actually doing very well. I get responses to my posts and I feel very supported
I hope your days are better and you have a nice time with your kids
You deserve the best. Hard to write well on this phone sounds muddy.

R. Lee 10-15-2014 08:19 PM

lostdog, My whole life I was terrified to speak in front of anyone. After being sober that fear had slowly left. Just 1 wonderful gift from being sober.

Saint 10-15-2014 11:25 PM

When we support others in sobriety we are also helping ourselves. It is a wonderful gift when we give to others. It is the gift that keeps on giving!!

Accept yourself, love yourself for who you are today. Tomorrow is an opportunity for whatever we set our mind to. Sobriety is challenging. Be kind to yourself.


lostdog 10-16-2014 07:59 PM

Thank you Saint and R.Lee. I'm working everyday to get some self esteem back.

R. Lee 10-16-2014 09:41 PM

lostdog it will cime sometime quickly, sometime slowly. Thanks again for your support for others. Keep it up it helps us stay sober by getting ourselves out of ourselves & thinking of others.

gmasusie 10-17-2014 10:53 AM


Go back and read your posts. You will see reason to have self-esteem. I think that is what R. Lee is saying.

Your compassion for others is special and so are you.

Love, Susie

lostdog 10-17-2014 04:27 PM

Thanks Susie, I do need to reread them. I have an activity this weekend, I haven't yet at those events, but then as Tryn says your mind starts a thinking too much. That's the self esteem stuff I'm working on. Your post is precious to me, thank you.

Tryntryagain 10-18-2014 07:00 AM

Good morning Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

I can really relate to lack of self condifence and self esteem. I spoke for years publically infront of a diverse mixture of professionals. I was perceived to be confident, "full of myself", but in a way that appealed and got messages across. I would speak sometimes to 2000 at a time in Conference halls, sometimes 100. At no point did i do it without alcohol being onboard. It could be a 10am gig, i would get up at 5am, put enough alcohol on board, so i could stop, and put enough time between that and doing the gig. Of course when i did it, i was half cut. So alcohol gave me my confidence. Strip me of alcohol, i was nothing. The idea of being sober, and talking to all those people!!! way...."i" couldnt do that.

Of course it all went wrong quite spectaculaly, a day i will never forget. I realised my house of cards had come tumbling down. I felt that, "nothing". So drink didnt work in the end, now what was i to do? I "got" believing a little bit about myself. I thought, "look come on Tryn, it can't have been all the drink, there must have been some "you" in there somewhere?". Sobriety is teaching me that there is. I find things out about myself everyday now. Should i already know them?, perhaps i should, but i am finding them now, and better late than never eh?!?

The strangest thing happened when i was working out self esteem and confidence was that i feel "confident" about myself now not because of knowing what i can do, but learning what i can't. Therefore i can say "no" now. Each time i do, i feel a bit more confident in myself. I am sure each sober day that passes, in your own time and way, your self esteem and confidence will grow. Don't look for it to do so, it just will.

Have a really good day.

Be peaceful, be healthy, and be strong. Loveness to you Lost Dog.

lostdog 10-18-2014 01:37 PM

great ideas Tryn, I appreciate it immensely. I used to drink before work and now I can't dwell on the past or it makes me too sad. So, the first thing is ....The first affirmation I try is to- "push away all negativity" and that helps. I'm trying to re circuit my brain. Also, it is important that I have a problem everyday, and don't forget it. girl. Just because I haven't drank in a month, doesn't mean I need it now, right? Gotta run and go to a big event. Ya'll have a nice sober day. We can do it. I hope your friend has a nice day today, Tryn.

R. Lee 10-18-2014 08:32 PM

lostdog, Great mindset!!

lostdog 10-19-2014 11:32 AM

it helped R. Lee yesterday with the big event I went to. I feel so good today, knowing I had a nice time sober. At first I felt out of place and then it turned out good. Except, this time my spouse got extremely drunk and yelled at me in front of everyone. I had to babysit him, I am going to talk to him today and tell him this is unacceptable. He will bring up my past and I will need some help going forward. thanks everyone.

R. Lee 10-19-2014 11:55 AM

lostdog, Yes when sober we can now see what we used to be like when in a situation like you were in yesterday. The drinkers sometime have a difficult time understanding why we do not want to be around that behavior.

Saint 10-20-2014 02:41 AM

Sobriety is your choice and loved ones can feel threatened by a change in the status quo, especially if drinking together was a major pastime spent doing together.

I recall going to a neighborhood party a few months after finally getting sober, looking at all the booze lined up, all the people getting drunk and thinking "Wow, that is a lot of booze". When I was drinking that thought would never have crossed my mind. I drove by that house early the next morning, without a hangover : ), and wondered how they were feeling this morning!

Sobriety is a way of life. See yourself living a sober life. In time it gets easier but we have to stay sober to get there.

Keep working it!


Tryntryagain 10-20-2014 10:16 AM

Good afternoon Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

I have to apologise in that i have gotton your names mixed up and have written to Living Sober, and mixed the names up. I do apologise!

I am sad to hear that your enjoyment of being sober, albeit it feeling a bit odd, with your partners inebriation. Saint said to me at the beginning of last year, and has said again recently that sobriety does not make life hunky dory. I can remember feeling disappointed, as i assumed that all life ills were down to my alcoholism, and that if i stopped drinking, everything would some how be managable. As last week in my life showed, that i am as capable of feeling hurt and unhappy sober, as i am drunk.

It's just "different". My eyes "see" things differently, and they send different messages to my brain. It is scary because i have really experienced those pathways of thught before, and it is, most certainly "new".

That "newness" is why we try to find sobriety. When sober, we are who we are. I wager every single person in this family has heard, "but they are sooo lovely when they are sober"?

I am trying to experience that kindness and loveliness for myself. To sustain sobriety i must keep my sobriety number 1, and i must try to be gentle with my thoughts and ways forward.

I sense a great deal of strength in you Lost Dog. A resilience and a real desire to be sober. 1 day at a time.

Be peaceful, be gentle with yourself and be strong. Loveness to you Lost Dog

lostdog 10-20-2014 11:06 AM

thank you for the kind words, R. Lee, Saint, and Tryn. Well, when I had the talk to tell him he said some things, he denied it and said I did not know what I was talking about. There are some deep other issues here and in the next week, I will work on them. It's going to be a nice day here and busy with work, just checking in to say thanks and hope everyone has a nice week.

R. Lee 10-20-2014 12:18 PM

I used to think that a black out was when you passed out. A black out is when you forget what you said or did when drinking.

lostdog 10-20-2014 03:06 PM

Yes, R.Lee it was a major black out, but when I ever had those I was willing to apologize or feel guilt. It is not even in his thoughts that puzzles me.

Tryntryagain 10-20-2014 03:36 PM

Good evening Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

I hear how difficult this situation is for you. There is not much that goes on in life that doesn't puzzle me. Alcohol distanced me from what was happening in the world i was living. Becoming sober can be a bit of a wake up call, in that not only do we see ourselves clearly, but in world that is around us. It is both beautiful and disconcerting at the same time. A change from how we perceive things. It most certainly takes getting used to. Therein lies the support i think we all need to help us along our way.

For me "blackouts" mean exactly that. Several hours that have gone by where i have been sort of walking and talking, sometimes to the point of some clarity, and yet the next day, i have no recollection of it whatsoever. Not those blind drunken nights, but when you are functioning, (so you think~,and can not remember a thing. Scary!)

I find all alcoholics to be the most loving human beings. I really do. I have felt when i had become sober, this enourmous rush of positive energy, and i thought i could understand everyone and everything in the whole world. I just "knew" what suddenly everyone needed. What i have gone on to learn is that it is hard enough being me(!), each day at a time, and i am learning what realistically, i can give. To sustain my sobriety in such early days, i must do what is needed to keep it that way. I will always do what i can for another in my world to support them on my journey, but i must be "up and running" in mine.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Lost Dog

lostdog 10-20-2014 04:06 PM

I think I see now Tryn, focus more on myself and not on that. Protect myself at all costs in sobriety. Good advice and thanks.
I don't want to be a hypocrite to him. It was I that acted up frequently, due to the drink.
The real problem for him is why he is drinking and I believe it is me.
Those are the other issues I have to explore, but I want concentrate solely on the drinking part anymore for him. I'll set my boundaries and go from there, easy enough to say.

Saint 10-20-2014 05:47 PM


There is a difference between enabling and honesty. Your past behavior is your responsibility and your husbands behavior is his responsibility. One is not hypocritical, in my opinion, for realizing one's past behavior was wrong and recognizing this behavior in others and acknowledging it. If one once was a car thief, changed their ways and became an upstanding citizen and then called the police when one saw someone stealing a car is that hypocritical behavior?? I say no, one is doing their civic duty as a responsible citizen. With that said it is up to your husband to decide if he has an issue with alcohol and then do something about. That is his responsibility, not yours!!!! You do not make him drink!!!! He allows himself to drink!!!! Don't let whatever guilt you may have from your past color the present. I can't tell you how many times I denied I was an alcoholic to my spouse when I was drinking despite knowing I was. Alcoholics are great at rationalizing there behavior.

Give yourself some time to think things through. You are wise to set some boundaries. People, places and things can be triggers to drink. Anger and frustration were major ones for me. As I was taught here I will repeat to you simply because it works, "Think through that first drink".

Stay Strong,

R. Lee 10-20-2014 11:26 PM

lostdog, You are doing very well early on in your sobriety. For now I would suggest you keep your nose to the grindstone. Work on yourself. You will be better for it. We can not change anyone else.

Good luck.

lostdog 10-21-2014 06:10 PM

R. Lee and Saint- I will avoid the distraction of myself and put myself in this pan of fire . Thank you so much for the kind boost.
He apologized after he asked his friend if he yelled at me and about his wild behavior if it were true. I have been trying to not drink at all on any occasion and so far so good. I'm working on building myself up and reading some. I will put my nose to the grindstone and set boundaries.

R. Lee 10-21-2014 10:50 PM

lostdog good plan. Think through that next urge to drink.

Tryntryagain 10-26-2014 11:39 AM

Good afternoon Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

I wanted to drop by your place to ask how you are getting along?

Saint really has said it all. These are life changing times for you. You have recognised you are worth the world you live in, and that those who are struggling around you, well, it is theirs to address.

Your love and support around Larry is in my heart as i write. Do you know what? Now, if i was in circumstance that i knew was dragging me closer and closer to threatening my sobriety, i will leave the environment for as long as necessary until i can return and be of help both to me and him. That would also mean leaving his side.

Those that truly love and care for me know i have my troubles to, and that alcohol completely ruins my life and those around me. They also know that if a returned to alcohol i would die from it.

As dear friends, all those here included, those that you care about, and care for, have the obligation to love and care you back. I think, that is what loving another is. There are a zillion reasons why that may not actually be the reality, but yours is very clear. 1 day at a time, keep focused on that in your daily life, and know that my heart, and all in this family are right behind you.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. loveness to you Lost Dog

lostdog 10-26-2014 01:05 PM

R. Lee and Saint thanks for all the support, I really need it lately. You are all the best. I feel like I am in a depression, but I am sober, so that is a good thing. Tryn, it means the world to see your post asking about me. It sounds trivial, but I am working on my self esteem and I actually feel invisible right now in my environment. I feel I have to seek counseling soon, because the negativity is too much for me. I watched this intervention show and normally they make me feel like I will not touch alcohol again, because "I never want to be like her" in the show. Yesterday, there was this lady and I could relate to her too well. It brought up the past for me and as we know, if we dwell on the past, we relive our sorrows and carry the burden. So, to continue, I'm trying to read and get some help on this road. I will continue to read and post and get through this day by day. I'm feeling somewhat better now, just by venting my anguish I feel today. Thank you for your support and may each of you have a blessed day.

R. Lee 10-26-2014 05:47 PM

lostdog, Try & work through the depression. As far as the negativity remember you are the sober one. You have so much to lose if you give up & pick up. Get through this & maybe you find out that you do not have to live under someone like this that keeps putting you down.

Good luck & use all the support you can gather.

As always thanks for your support of others here. It gets us out of ourselves

gmasusie 10-26-2014 07:12 PM


Have we talked about finding a support group near you? Everyone at mine is so positive and supportive. They would accept you and care about you for who you are. Face-to-face relationships can evolve into telephone calls, etc. It sounds like you would benefit from support besides just those of us here who are faceless!

You know we do care. I just wish we could help more.

Love, Susie

lostdog 10-27-2014 10:13 AM

I am heeding your advice R.Lee and Susie, thanks for reaching out and sharing your experience and knowledge as well as your kindness. It means a lot to me, thank you.

NancyB 10-27-2014 11:08 AM

Hi lostdog, to follow up on what Susie mentioned about support groups, here are some options in addition to AA that you might want to take a peek at.


Celebrate Recovery
Christian-based recovery meetings.

A non-religious self-help recovery organization for individuals who seek group support to achieve abstinence from alcohol and other addictive drugs.

Smart Recovery
Self Management and Recovery Training. Based on ever-evolving scientific knowledge.

Secular Organizations for Sobriety
Self-empowerment approach to recovery.

Hope that's helpful.


Tryntryagain 10-27-2014 10:24 PM

Good evening Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

Thank you Nancy for that information.

I have personal experience of bringing SMART recovery to here in Blighty. I do not think it is beneficial to "compare" pathways, as all of ours are different, but i must say i like the idea of having your own toolbox. Not just to find tools you already have to fix things, but, new tools that build new things, that sort of makes me feel good when i feel like a pathway forward.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Lost Dog.

lostdog 10-28-2014 07:50 AM

Appreciate it Tryn and Nancy. I looked and found one

lostdog 10-29-2014 02:29 PM

I am going to a support group near me. Will post after I go. Since I went into the office the other day, I'm feeling better with companionship. Thank you for your kindness to me and support.

gmasusie 10-29-2014 04:56 PM

Keep us posted. You are easy to be kind to. The reason we are here is to support each other, and you do that so well.

Love, Susie

R. Lee 10-29-2014 09:19 PM

lostdog great job. Together we can!!

Tryntryagain 11-02-2014 02:28 PM

Good evening Lost Dog. Bright blessings to you.

I am sooo hoping that you have had a positive experience with your support group. I could not do the journey into, and sustaining my sobriety without support. When you find it, go for it. I have found once you find the support that you trust, you can share what troubles, bothers and triggers you.

Lost Dog on my journey i have been so very, very lucky. I have the end of the day, nicer than nasty. The nastiest person i have ever met, and truly frightened the bejesus out of me, was me.

Circumstance wound its windy road to that point, my life, your life, our lifes, all of us in this family, how did it? will no more. Thank goodness we all have each other that understands and wants to walk forward. We take our tears with us, but we move on despite all. That is why we are survivors.

If i could bring you a gift of what your support has meant to Tryn on this recent journey, it would not fit through the door. It would be a gift that would surround the whole of who you are. Sobriety.

If "thank you so much" helps you on your way, that is fine and Dandy. Lost Dog, you really, i mean really have to got to get your head around being a really empowering, experienced and powerful human being. Turn your focus not inwards, but look at the "holistic you". Huge person, much, much love and giveness. You will find your sobriety in there. I promise you.

R Lee will always get there first......together we can.

Be peaceful, be healthy and be strong. Loveness to you Lost Dog

lostdog 11-02-2014 07:52 PM

Tryn, to be sober and have my sobriety is the most powerful tool I have in getting myself whole again. I did it yesterday ( stayed sober) as I sat with a bunch of men who practically drank themselves to sleep. It was a sports event. It is so nice the next day to feel good and understand how I don't want to get there. Your support is so important to me and I thank you so much, it helps immensely. I like your statement on treating myself as a holistic person and going outwards and sharing my attributes. Working on this one, self esteem building and thinking your are something special will take time for me with my history.

lostdog 11-12-2014 08:49 PM

I have had one of the roughest days in the last two months. I felt everyone was out to get me today and one of my friends snapped at me and I cried. Anyway, I am going to this counselor to talk because my thoughts are too down and I need to feel better soon.

I went to the support group the other day, but couldn't get the courage to speak. Just wanted to let you know. I wish everyone the best today and hope you are doing well.

R. Lee 11-12-2014 08:58 PM

lostdog, Even sober we have rough days Look into yourself to see why you thought everyone was out to get you.

I am glad you are trying a support group. Get a sponsor & phone numbers. These are just suggestions.

gmasusie 11-13-2014 12:28 AM


The support group is good even if you don't share at first. You will begin to discover that many of us have similar stories and together have found the strength to become sober.

Keep sharing with us. Love, Susie

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